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Messages - Brenda(Jessica's Mom)

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Child Loss / Big sigh
« on: June 21, 2009, 07:22:24 PM »
It was 5 years ago tonight around this time as a matter of fact, that I got the call from the cops saying Jess had been in a wreck. As you all know, she died the next morning. Tomarrow I will pick Indian Paintbrush flowers and put on her grave, like I do every year. I will never stop missing her. These 5 years sure have been long ones. Guess all my years left here will be...blah.

Child Loss / Re: Bad night last night
« on: June 16, 2009, 09:55:58 AM »
(((Brenda))) What happened to you is terrible, and it makes me MAD as heck. I see more and more stories of cops acting more like school yard bullies than those hired to protect and serve. Along with reporting them, insist on finding out who made the call to them in the first place. If it was a joke or prank i hope those people are arrested. Sending my love, Brenda

Child Loss / Re: 5 long years
« on: June 13, 2009, 12:05:45 PM »
(( Melissa)) Have a safe and peaceful trip, and may Charlie send his love down on you.

Child Loss / Re: Don/Donnie's Dad
« on: June 13, 2009, 12:04:04 PM »
(((Don))) thinking of you today. I hope Donnie visits you and gives you strength today, and every day.

Child Loss / Re: Mad as heck
« on: June 09, 2009, 11:18:42 AM »
Thanks guys for responding. What my bf said was stupid, but im over it. My ex, however, is a jack*** and nothing will ever change that. He has always tried to push my buttons and continues to try to control me that way, I, as always, have to try to rise above it. The afternoon he called me and raised the question "did we do enough" took me so off guard I didnt even know how to respond. Sometimes i think he lays awake at night thinking up new ways to hurt Any how, he can go to ****!!!!!!!
Love all of you! Brenda

ps- Brenda, your resonse was the best!

Child Loss / Re: Losing Breath (long)
« on: June 08, 2009, 12:25:38 AM »
Rebecca- I am with you. Tears rarely come now, just lost breath, silent pain, invisible sorrow.  Agonizing emptiness. Im there with you.

Child Loss / Mad as heck
« on: June 08, 2009, 12:22:26 AM »
As the 5 yr mark approaches I find myself angry all over again. My man is having teen angst problems with his son and only sees him one weekend a month now, and of course he is upset with this. So he says tonight how much this is upsetting him, and I say I know it is. He replies with "no, you couldnt possibly know what Im going thru..." I kept my mouth shut at the time, but now its after 2am and I am seething with resentment towards his remark. HELLOOOO I havnt seem my daughter in 5 FREEKING YEARS. I would GLADLY opt for seeing Jess one a month and know she is safe and sound over what I have- nothing. Now, in fairness, I know he meant noting with his remark, and was only speaking out of his own frustration. But even though he KNOWS what I have been thru in all these yrs he can still say what he said. I just want to bi**ch slap him and tell him to be thankful that he HAS a son.
 And to add insult to injury with in the last few weeks my ex ( the "dad") who raised Jess suggested that we didnt do enough to save her, that we should have insisted the docs keep trying, even though Jess herself begged me to let her go. She had crashed more times than i can count and it was over. Yet now after 5 yrs he says I gave up. WTH??
 Sorry Im venting after not posting much lately. As all the new parents come to this site I feel more and more helpless and dont know what to say anymore, so
I just lerk in the shadows. But i always think of all our children here.

Child Loss / Re: It has been 5 years today
« on: June 07, 2009, 09:30:26 AM »
((Karen)) Thinking of you and Ronnie today. Looks like alot of us are apporaching the 5 year mark this month. The reality of this is just so hard to swallow.

Child Loss / Re: Why is 5 years a milestone?
« on: June 05, 2009, 10:14:55 PM »
I was just wondering the same thing myself, as the 5 yr mark is this month for me too. It is harder this year for me. I thought it was just me... how can it be possible to have endured 5 long yrs without our children?? It just cant be, it just cant! Thinkg of you Brenda and sending hugs.

Child Loss / Re: I miss my Daughter
« on: April 26, 2009, 10:56:23 PM »
John I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that you are at least among friends who share your grief and can help you get thru this.

Child Loss / Re: help me make it one more day
« on: April 26, 2009, 10:54:31 PM »
Please hang on. I KNOW how you feel, I have felt like this many times. Everyone here has, and can tell you things WILL get easier to take, I promise.

Child Loss / Re: Scholarship Fund
« on: April 26, 2009, 10:52:45 PM »
We set one up for Jessica, but the school set it all up for us, the bank account, everything. Donations are sent to the school and they take care of it. Our only work is picking the recipient. Makes it alot easier!

Child Loss / Re: People we have not heard from
« on: March 12, 2009, 09:15:07 PM »
Hi guys- I still come to this board and read, and think about everyone often. Ive just had so many problems with my teenage daughter that I am too often mentally exausted to participate on here enough.  Please accept my apologies!! Sending everyone hugs!     Brenda

Child Loss / Re: The "Day" is Over
« on: February 17, 2009, 08:22:16 PM »
Rebecca I dont know how you find it in yourself to still do that job.You must be stronger than me. I am sorry I didnt get on here till now, but I am glad you made thru another one of "those days" we all dread so much. Thinking of you, Brenda

Child Loss / Re: I don't know what to do
« on: February 17, 2009, 08:19:15 PM »
(((Jackie))) Please take some deep breaths and remember your sweet dear child would NOT want you to do harm to yourself. GOD I have been where you are now. Our children are not gone, but still with us, although it sucks we cant see them right now, they are still with us. Hang on, and take Rebecca's advice and go to the hospital now. Please. Although none of us ever "get over" losing our precious kids, we do learn to live on, knowing our purpose here on earth has not yet been completed. We are all here for you. One breath at a time.   Brenda, Jessicas mom

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