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16
Parent Loss / Re: Dee's Angel Date ((((( Sissy )))))
« on: October 16, 2011, 05:15:47 PM »
terry,
sometimes i think that work has been the only thing that has kept me sane......and i know that it has been a hiding place, too.
and, i guess work is going ok, but i really think i could use a break.....so much responsibility....i will be ready for vacation after the holidays.....actually i'm ready right now......but that isn't even a remote possiblity.
thank you for asking.....didn't mean to take so long to respond......
you are such a kind soul.
always, karla (sissy)
sometimes i think that work has been the only thing that has kept me sane......and i know that it has been a hiding place, too.
and, i guess work is going ok, but i really think i could use a break.....so much responsibility....i will be ready for vacation after the holidays.....actually i'm ready right now......but that isn't even a remote possiblity.
thank you for asking.....didn't mean to take so long to respond......
you are such a kind soul.
always, karla (sissy)
17
Parent Loss / Re: Hi... new here
« on: October 16, 2011, 05:03:05 PM »
Hi - I was reading about you and your mom....and what you've been going through. It brought back so many familiar feelings. About a year ago, i lost my mom to cancer. I wish that we didn't "have" to be on this site, but i thank God that he brought me here.....I have never felt such unconditional compassion and warmth as i have here with my friends at webhealing......
I have lost loved ones before .....but had never truly experienced anything like the pain of losing my mama....it's odd, because i had heard stories of such pain....but this last year has been the hardest and quite honestly the saddest i have ever been in my life....and i won't tell you that everything is better now.....but, i'm still here and hanging in there!!!!
I think that for myself, just having to learn to live without her, has been the most challenging thing i've had to face...."please be kind to yourself," have been words i cling to each and every day....and...."not to put a time limit on your grief."
I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom...so very sorry.....
you will both be in my prayers.
love, sissy
I have lost loved ones before .....but had never truly experienced anything like the pain of losing my mama....it's odd, because i had heard stories of such pain....but this last year has been the hardest and quite honestly the saddest i have ever been in my life....and i won't tell you that everything is better now.....but, i'm still here and hanging in there!!!!
I think that for myself, just having to learn to live without her, has been the most challenging thing i've had to face...."please be kind to yourself," have been words i cling to each and every day....and...."not to put a time limit on your grief."
I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom...so very sorry.....
you will both be in my prayers.
love, sissy
18
Parent Loss / Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« on: October 16, 2011, 04:20:49 PM »
thank you for the wonderful words......
19
Parent Loss / Re: September Angel Dates & Birthdays
« on: October 06, 2011, 08:46:28 AM »
I just opened this for the first time......I really miss you mama......I wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk to you on the 28th, but right now i am.....
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't want to talk to you, hug you or just look in on you when i come home from work each day. There was still so much to do...so much to laugh/cry about. I just never thought i wouldn't have my best gal to share life with....just never thought you would go....at least not in such an unfair and fast way.....i know you weren't ready yet, even though you were in a wonderful spiritual place with God, you just had more living to do. I think that this was the first time you didn't have a chance to fight ..... and conquer a health issue. Mikey and i talk about you all the time.....this has been the hardest year of our lives...do you know that you were not only his grandmother (second mother)....you were his very best friend.....
and, your shoes are not an easy thing to fill.
Michael and i have always had a good relationship, but i just didn't realize the depth of what you two shared. All the hours that i was at work you were there helping our boy become the wonderful man that he is today. I hear "you" in so much of what he believes in and when he talks about his future I will forever be grateful that you were the influence in his daily life.
I love and miss you, baby.
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't want to talk to you, hug you or just look in on you when i come home from work each day. There was still so much to do...so much to laugh/cry about. I just never thought i wouldn't have my best gal to share life with....just never thought you would go....at least not in such an unfair and fast way.....i know you weren't ready yet, even though you were in a wonderful spiritual place with God, you just had more living to do. I think that this was the first time you didn't have a chance to fight ..... and conquer a health issue. Mikey and i talk about you all the time.....this has been the hardest year of our lives...do you know that you were not only his grandmother (second mother)....you were his very best friend.....
and, your shoes are not an easy thing to fill.
Michael and i have always had a good relationship, but i just didn't realize the depth of what you two shared. All the hours that i was at work you were there helping our boy become the wonderful man that he is today. I hear "you" in so much of what he believes in and when he talks about his future I will forever be grateful that you were the influence in his daily life.
I love and miss you, baby.
20
Parent Loss / Re: Dee's Angel Date ((((( Sissy )))))
« on: October 05, 2011, 12:51:55 PM »
When all else fails.....my dear friends....you don't. Thank you.
Love, Karla
Love, Karla
21
Parent Loss / Re: Dee's Angel Date ((((( Sissy )))))
« on: October 04, 2011, 01:58:44 AM »
...Thank you for remembering my sweet mama on her angel date.....guess i've been in my 'quiet place,' lately.....pretty overwhelmed with things....work is just about all i can handle...and that's only because i have to....
received some sad news today....or yesterday on the 3rd.....my mom's brother passed away after a heart attack...since my mom passed away, we have lost her older sister (my rock after losing mom,) in june. we lost sweet brandon, to suicide......and now my uncle.....
i have always felt so lucky that mom was one of twelve kids.....six boys and six girls......so much love in our family....but, now i'm understanding with all this love comes the inevitable pain of loss....
i guess i appear ok on the outside.....but i feel like a caged animal on the inside.....and i don't know what in the heck to do....feel like a melt down is right around the corner....maybe in the next breath.....
some prayers would be really great right now.......
talk soon- sissy
received some sad news today....or yesterday on the 3rd.....my mom's brother passed away after a heart attack...since my mom passed away, we have lost her older sister (my rock after losing mom,) in june. we lost sweet brandon, to suicide......and now my uncle.....
i have always felt so lucky that mom was one of twelve kids.....six boys and six girls......so much love in our family....but, now i'm understanding with all this love comes the inevitable pain of loss....
i guess i appear ok on the outside.....but i feel like a caged animal on the inside.....and i don't know what in the heck to do....feel like a melt down is right around the corner....maybe in the next breath.....
some prayers would be really great right now.......
talk soon- sissy
22
Main / Re: How to be strong for a dear friend.....
« on: September 23, 2011, 09:02:26 PM »
I really love you guys.......
always, sissy
always, sissy
23
Main / Re: life has not been good I do not get off the couch I have totally given up. now I
« on: September 10, 2011, 11:50:17 AM »
please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers, Ron.....I am so very sorry for your sadness ....and i will pray for some kind of peace to be in your life again.....
always, sissy
always, sissy
24
Main / Re: For all - Please Read
« on: September 10, 2011, 11:45:25 AM »
You are such a kind soul......
thank you, Terry.
thank you, Terry.
25
Main / Re: How to be strong for a dear friend.....
« on: September 10, 2011, 11:40:20 AM »
thank you for the kind words and sound advice.....haven't been on since i last wrote....kind of drained, you know? it was such a tender service for Brandon....and i didn't realize that it would be an open casket.....but i was there with Robin....and you were right about just being there.
and, bless her heart....she broke down and went limp in my arms when we saw each other....robin actually thanked me...i was stunned, but it seemed to give me this inner strength that i am so grateful for.
i was remembering when Brandon was sixteen and came in to work.... i gave him his first job....and he was so excited that he jumped up and gave me a hug (in gratitude).....then i had to reassure him that it was on his own merrit not on my friendship with his mother.....
damn it.....
this world will really miss that young man.
and, bless her heart....she broke down and went limp in my arms when we saw each other....robin actually thanked me...i was stunned, but it seemed to give me this inner strength that i am so grateful for.
i was remembering when Brandon was sixteen and came in to work.... i gave him his first job....and he was so excited that he jumped up and gave me a hug (in gratitude).....then i had to reassure him that it was on his own merrit not on my friendship with his mother.....
damn it.....
this world will really miss that young man.
26
Main / How to be strong for a dear friend.....
« on: August 29, 2011, 11:24:22 PM »
I usually post under parent loss, but tonight, i come to you for some hopeful advice or direction on how to help a close friend.....
On the 24th of August my girlfriend lost her 22 year old son Brandon to suicide. Tomorrow morning is the funeral and I'm going to be there.....but only because i know that i could never hurt my friend by not attending. Since my mothers death (last September) i just don't have very much to offer anyone these days. I feel so selfish and guilty and i know that she has a very long road ahead of her, but i don't know where to pull the strength from when i still feel so lost myself. I am not sure what it is that i'm asking for at this moment.....
sorry for rattling.....
always, sissy
On the 24th of August my girlfriend lost her 22 year old son Brandon to suicide. Tomorrow morning is the funeral and I'm going to be there.....but only because i know that i could never hurt my friend by not attending. Since my mothers death (last September) i just don't have very much to offer anyone these days. I feel so selfish and guilty and i know that she has a very long road ahead of her, but i don't know where to pull the strength from when i still feel so lost myself. I am not sure what it is that i'm asking for at this moment.....
sorry for rattling.....
always, sissy
27
Parent Loss / Dee's Angel Date
« on: August 17, 2011, 02:06:17 PM »
There are no words to tell you how much you are missed.....I am trying so hard to live in a world without your tender strength, loving words of encouragement and most of all the warmth and softness of your arms around me......I love you, mama.......
Sometime i spray some of your "White Shoulders" in the air.......and for a brief moment....well, you know.....
Sometime i spray some of your "White Shoulders" in the air.......and for a brief moment....well, you know.....
28
Parent Loss / Re: Still looking for validation
« on: July 26, 2011, 06:28:17 AM »
WOW!!!!
You never get over it..... just through it.....
that is what i will start to pray for...
thank you, sissy
You never get over it..... just through it.....
that is what i will start to pray for...
thank you, sissy
29
Parent Loss / Re: Been awhile
« on: July 25, 2011, 10:11:09 AM »
I am so sorry for all the sadness and confusion that you are going through....when i read your message i felt as though i had written parts of it myself...i too am struggling to survive and have made mistakes with some of the ways to numb the pain as you mentioned...it hasn't taken me long to realize that when i drink (unless i wanted to drink to pass out, which thank God hasn't been the case so far) it kind of takes me down a level or two into the pit of grayness that has been a constant in my life since i lost my mom. to be honest with you if drinking did give me some kind of peace.....i'm pretty sure that i would be in serious trouble.
the anxiety for me has made me almost seem manic at times....it seems like i am always filled with nervous energy .... and it is hard for me to truly focus on even the smallest of things... i guess distracted would be a gentle way of describing my personality these days. i have found that physical work has helped me somewhat when i started feeling anxious or like i'm ready to explode...unfortunately i am a store manager .... and i don't always have the option of losing myself in the physical side....
i don't even know if all these thoughts are making sense....just know that you aren't alone.....
anyway, i will keep you in my prayers.
sissy
you will be in my thoughts and prayers .....
the anxiety for me has made me almost seem manic at times....it seems like i am always filled with nervous energy .... and it is hard for me to truly focus on even the smallest of things... i guess distracted would be a gentle way of describing my personality these days. i have found that physical work has helped me somewhat when i started feeling anxious or like i'm ready to explode...unfortunately i am a store manager .... and i don't always have the option of losing myself in the physical side....
i don't even know if all these thoughts are making sense....just know that you aren't alone.....
anyway, i will keep you in my prayers.
sissy
you will be in my thoughts and prayers .....
30
Parent Loss / I am so touched......
« on: July 24, 2011, 02:35:45 PM »
I have just found myself surfing this site for the last hour or so .... or at least long enough to have to log back in again.....anyway as i was visiting all the different topics and reading so many tender stories that people have shared....i just felt the overwhelming need to thank God for guiding me to you. I had never heard of any web sites on grief before i lost my mom .... or maybe i should say that i had been fortunate enough to never have felt the need for such a site until then....and even though it is so horribly sad that what we all seem to have in common is really quite tragic and unbelievably painful....i want to tell you how much i appreciate you.
always - sissy
always - sissy