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Topics - Terry

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1306
Child Loss / (((((Dena))))) "Happy Birthday Joshua"
« on: August 19, 2009, 06:57:59 PM »
"Happy Heavenly Birthday Joshua"

(((((Dena)))))

Holding you close as you remember your darlin' lil boy on his special day. I hope a warm and beautiful memory finds you, comforts you and Joshua, please send your Momma a sign to let her know you are always with her.

And Josh, if you can find the time, please send her a 'couple'...this month has been hard on your Momma.

Hugs & Love,
Terry

1307
Child Loss / ((((LaVonne)))) "Happy Birthday Jason"
« on: August 15, 2009, 07:00:54 PM »
"Happy Heavenly Birthday Jason".....8/16/71

(((((((LaVonne))))))) Thinking of you and your beautiful "Jason" on his special day and holding you close with thoughts of peace and the hope that a wonderful memory touches your heart today.

I know that all of our Angels are planning a huge party in Heaven for "Jason", while smiling on all of us here!

You have My Love,
Terry

1308
Child Loss / And justice for all?
« on: August 12, 2009, 09:38:34 AM »
For some, maybe, and I'm so happy for them that the killers of their beautiful children are now where they belong, and some will be where they belong ONE DAY! For others they/we wait, knowing, that these monsters are out there living their lives, enjoying their lives, doing all the things our children should be doing but were stopped abruptly from.

I sat in a courtroom with 2 of these monsters for a year and a very long year it was. I found out yesterday through our 'small-town-grapevine' that one that was free this entire time was talking, a lot and said he just couldn't live with himself any longer. He was in a car accident and has died, an accident that witnesses say, he caused. He hit the back of a sanitation truck and thank God no one else was hurt or killed.

I didn't feel good when I heard this news and didn't feel happy and didn't even feel that justice had found him. I just felt sad, very sad. I feel for his parents who live here in the area and he had a sister, a younger sister and they have to be just devastated right now.

I know when he goes through what he needs to (spiritually, according to my belief system) that eventually he will come face to face with my Jeff, and my Jeff will forgive him. I was always proud of who Jeff was and today as I absorb all of this...the only thing I feel is deep sadness for his family.

1309
Child Loss / Thinking of you Rita
« on: August 10, 2009, 08:36:49 PM »
Just wanted you to know I miss hearing you share about your sweet Becca and I miss 'you.'

My Love....Terry

1310
Child Loss / Thinking of you ((((Leslie))))
« on: July 30, 2009, 07:01:17 PM »
My Dear Leslie,

I came across a post I had saved from long ago with a beautiful picture of your boys..."Jarek" and "Tim" and  remembering how kind and supportive you were back then, through all of my 'ranting' and 'venting' and just want you to know you have now and have always had, a place in my heart.

Please know you are thought of, often.

Sending my Love and many Hugs, (((((((((Leslie))))))))
Terry

1311
Child Loss / The Mourner's Bill of Rights & PLEASE
« on: July 27, 2009, 07:57:33 PM »
I thought I would post these again as when I was early in my grief, they were both very helpful.

After my Jeff died, I found these invaluable, being in such a dark place, frightened and feeling very alone. I came to learn that there were many who were with me in my grief, as they truly understood. I also came to realize that through my grieving, I still had rights! No one could take away my memories or deny me the right to grieve, in my own way.

I also made copies of both and gave them to family members and friends and they let me know how helpful it was as they just didn't have the right "words" and needed to know that it was not only OK to speak his name and often, but it was like a "song to my heart" whenever someone spoke of him.

I hope by sharing it with someone that it will help you, as it did me.



The Mournerís Bill of Rights ~ Alan D. Wolfert, Ph.D

Although you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain ďrightsĒ no one should try to take away from you.

1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, donít allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you donít feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Donít take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And donít allow others to push you into doing things you donít feel ready to do.

5) You have the right to experience ďgriefbursts.Ē Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, donít listen.

7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who wonít be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

8) You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, ďWhy did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?Ē Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for clichťd responses some people may give you. Comments like, ďIt was Godís willĒ or ďThink of what you have to be thankful forĒ are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.


PLEASE

PLEASE donít ask me if Iím over it yet. Iíll never be over it.

PLEASE donít tell me heís in a better place. He isnít here with me.

PLEASE donít say at least he isnít suffering. I havenít come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.

PLEASE donít tell me you know how I feel, even if you have lost a loved one.

PLEASE donít ask me if I feel better. Bereavement isnít a condition that clears up.

PLEASE donít tell me that at least I had him for so many years. What year would you choose for your loved one to die?

PLEASE donít tell me God never gives us more than we can bear. Please, just say youíre sorry.

PLEASE, just say you remember my loved one, if in fact you do.
Please, mention his name.

PLEASE, just let me cry.

~ Anonymous

1312
Child Loss / Rita, thinking of you...
« on: July 27, 2009, 07:18:01 PM »
Holding you close through this difficult time missing your Becca so very much.

My Love,
Terry

1313
Child Loss / ((Rita)) Becca's "1" Year Angel Date
« on: July 22, 2009, 12:53:11 AM »
((((((Rita))))))

Holding you close today, with love and understanding, knowing how difficult this date is for you, missing your precious Becca so very much.

I also understand how difficult it may be to respond to messages today, but just know that they are all written with love and concern for you and I hope you will feel this if you are reading and know that there is no need to respond.

Although our situations may vary, we all share one common bond and we understand each others pain.

This wonderful group of people, this place I find with a keystroke, is where 'I' come when these awful dates come about and I always feel held and so loved and always, understood.

Though missing Becca terribly today may cause you to feel alone and frightened, we are all here for you and you are never alone. We have all pulled one another up and out of that dark place more times than any of us can count. We are family.

I hope you feel your precious girl with you today. I have a candle lit for her under our childrens' pictures.

Love,
Terry

1314
Child Loss / They just keep coming
« on: July 06, 2009, 07:01:10 AM »
Another Birthday. My GD. And I've been looking at pics of her and Daddy and my heart is sore. It's still 3 weeks away, weww, another one snuck up on me, found it's way into my weary soul and is planning to cause havoc.

Of course I'm laughing along with everyone, WoopEE, what a great party this is going to be. Then I turn around and s i n k....

I've 'opted' out this year to join the festivities with 20 other kids and all of 'her' side of the family as we are in a different place. I attended last year and after I left, cried all the way home. I refuse to go through that again.

We always have a party for her here, at my home, and my Dad is here and a friend of mine comes over with her daughter. It's always nice. But, what the 'other' Grand Mother is doing is asking my GD.."Why won't she come to your Birthday Party?" So, my GD wants to know why and I just tell her we have always had a party for you here with your favorite foods and that's what we're going to do, the same as we do every year.  PERIOD!

It always has to be a problem for the 'other side'. They know how difficult it is for me but feel since it's been over 6 years....Gee, I should be OK???!!!!
Well, I'm OK as long as they stay out of my way and stop trying to pretend that my son didn't die. It's more convenient for them to just place me, my grief, in a neat little time-framed-package.

They always seem to want to cause a problem right before any event, why, I'll never know. I'm just very grateful that my GD is getting older, more mature and understands even more than she did before. The rest of them can disappear from my life, but OH, wait, they can't do that, because I'm stuck with them forever. Now, that's enough to put me into a 'really' deep depression.

I'll be OK. Just venting.

Love...Terry

1315
Child Loss / Update on my GD & Life
« on: June 09, 2009, 08:30:06 AM »
About 2 weeks ago, 2 very long weeks ago, I almost lost my Granddaughter. I didn't want to believe that those dreaded words could come from my mouth again....DIED. I stayed steady and strong for her...I was by her side most of the time.
This all came out of nowhere with no symptoms or warnings of her being sick. Although she stopped breathing when first brought to the hospital and was unconscious, her heart did not stop. It did take a few days to identify the strain of virus that was sweeping through her body and causing havoc, and they were very, very long days. Although she will need to be monitored for the next 3 months, for a relapse would surely be devastating to her already very weakened state, it does look as if she will recover.

I used to say that after living with the pain of losing my children, that nothing could ever overwhelm me again. I was so wrong. And, although the 'little' things that I used to give second thought to, I no longer do, I have been humbled with the understanding that pain is a part of living and something that can never be minimized by another comparison.

We are strangers here on this board and we are family. We share one anothers pain and even joy. We are bonded through our tragedies, our life's experiences.

When I come here, I am visiting my other family and I know that there isn't anything I can't share and will always receive love and understanding. That means something.

Everyone here and your children are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for reading.
Love,
Terry

1316
Child Loss / For "Paula C." on your recent loss
« on: April 11, 2009, 09:19:15 PM »
"I just lost my 17yr. old son to suicide on Feb. 2. 2009."

(((((((Paula))))))) I am so sorry you have lost your precious son, Jeff. And I welcome you here to our loving group, to a place where pain and joy and every emotion is shared and always 'understood'.

I have been coming here for 6 years, when I lost my only surviving child, my son Jeff of 29 years. I truly don't know where I would be if it were not for the love and support I have received here over the years.

You have found a safe place to come. You do not walk alone on this journey.

Thank You for sharing your Jeff with us and please post more when you feel up to it. There is always someone here to listen, to cry with you, to hold you, with love and understanding.

Again, I am so very sorry for your tragic loss.

Sending you a hug and My Love,
Terry

1317
Child Loss / Thinking of you Lavonne
« on: April 08, 2009, 09:10:58 PM »
I know you were waiting for the results of your blood work and just wanted you to know you have been in my prayers. I hope all is well, Lavonne.

Love ya,
Terry

1318
Child Loss / Just so sad and need to share this
« on: April 08, 2009, 08:29:37 PM »
I have been crying and just feeling so sad. My sheep dog of 19 years has tumors and cannot go under due to his age and the reaction he had with his last surgery.
He was Jeff's dog and I feel like Jeff is dying all over again. For now, they are able to manage his pain....but mine is deepening.
He get's around well, like that of a young dog. But, I see it in his eyes and it breaks my heart the way he looks at me and hands me his paw. He knows.
I have 4 other dogs, my oldest and my miracle dog, going into "Guinnes" is my Jack Russell who is 27 and 7 months old. He too, get's around like a young dog.

My dogs...I've never lost a dog under 22 and that just breaks my heart and it just hit really hard tonight that my babies are gone. They didn't live till 22. They didn't have a chance to live any kind of life. They are not here with me, but my dogs are.
I'm happy for the comfort and the unconditional love I have received from all of them, I truly am, but where are my babies? Why isn't Sal here and why are all my babies on a shelf in a glass china cabinet made just for them? I walked over to it just before I came on here and my knees just gave out. I fell to the floor crying, no, sobbing loudly for them, telling them how much I miss them and that I am so sorry they did not have a chance to experience this life with me. To experience so many things.

The depth of my sadness and pain tonight is indescribable. I know what started this today. It was after the Vet visit. I didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone and I just crawled into bed. I got up to make my Dad dinner and we talked for a bit then I layed down with him until he fell asleep.

This time of night when it's so quiet and there's no one to talk to, well, no one who wants to talk about my babies. No one to call. No one wants to hear the same story all over again so i get politely cut short and after hanging up my heart breaks just a little more. So, I am here and I know you understand these feelings I'm having and this wave that literally knocked me over. That wave of horrific pain that comes without warning.

I do worry about my Dad and sister. I'm going in for surgery, now, as it's changed again, next week for the electro-physiology testing..EPS? and the ablation. They can't seem to regulate my heart beat. I have episodes of Wide Complex tackycardia. (sp?) The diagnosis is Atrial Flutter or A-Fib and a few other terms they threw at me. My sister is also having problems with her heart rate and goes in for testing the 16th. I guess this is a Welcome to the Golden Years.

I don't know, just a lot going on right now, I guess and everything seems to be falling hard, and heavy is my heart.

I appreciate anyone who read this. I know it's long but I'm feeling better already just getting this all out and knowing someone hears me. It really does mean a lot.
I feel more tears coming and I suspect another one of those nights. I really hate to complain as I have it no worse than anyone else on here. Everyone has their own cross to bear. And I just thank you all, again, for being here.

You all have my love and respect. This is so difficult to deal with. And just so, so very sad for us all.

Terry

1319
Child Loss / Thinking of all our children
« on: April 07, 2009, 07:40:19 PM »
Today was a beautiful day, although brisk and very windy. I have a giant Magnolia, and of course my baby that was planted on Jeff's six year date in his Memorial Garden....and the blooms, just gorgeous...
(I thought of you Judy, knowing how you love them) and I set up my ladder to pick a handful from the lower branches. And the aroma, well, just heaven.

I looked up at each one, first, and thought of all of our children and named each beautiful bloom.

I saw them all, so beautiful but in a much different view than we would all like to see them. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful moment. And bittersweet.


1320
Child Loss / For "Steven's Dad"
« on: April 01, 2009, 12:48:05 AM »
stevensdad,

I am so sorry for the recent loss of your precious son. There are few words to lend comfort, I know, but please know that I am glad you have found this Board, a place to share all of your feelings and to feel safe in knowing that they will be understood.

I feel many arms around me when I come here, at times very lost and afraid. I hope you will find the same warmth.

Holding you close, with understanding.

My Love,
Terry

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