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Topics - Terry

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1291
Main / Thinking of you, SoCal2010
« on: October 06, 2009, 08:26:17 PM »
Hi SoCal!

I was just reading some of the older posts as I sometimes do, getting to know others better and wanted to say hi, but noticed I was unable to send you a PM, so I'm hoping that you pop on over here and I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you.

I was also reading dear Kevin's posts again...I always enjoyed reading what he wrote in "Daily Accomplishments"..Nice thread you started!!!

Hope you are well!

Sending Hugs and My Love,
Terry

1292
Sibling Loss / Thinking of you today, Gail
« on: October 01, 2009, 08:07:14 AM »
((((( Happy Birthday Gail )))))

I know how bittersweet these days are and just know I'm holding you close and I understand. With your sister's one year anniversary fast approaching, today must be especially difficult for you and I'm so sorry.

I do hope a special memory of birthdays past will find a place in your heart today and may you feel some peace.

My love,
Terry

1293
Child Loss / can't sleep and I need to talk about this
« on: September 30, 2009, 11:18:06 PM »
Most of you know that I've never moved any of Jeff's personal belongings, such as his sneakers with his socks that I brought home from the ER, his wallet, his watch (that still keeps perfect time??) what was in his jeans pockets and many other things,  and they are still on my dresser.

I also have his van parked on my property, on the side of my house, but it is exactly where it was when I drove it home the day after he died. I think it was the day after, I'm not even sure anymore. The tires are just now starting to get low. I've been asked if I put air in them, and I do not. I 'do' sit where Jeff did in the driver's seat and caress the steering wheel, look around and all the while I'm talking to him.

Many people have stopped year round to ask me if I want to sell the van. At first, it felt like someone was trying to steal something from me, but now I just tell them it's not for sale and walk away.

I was walking one of my dogs tonight and I always stop at the van and just look inside or touch the handle and it saddened me to see how the weather has faded the pretty blue that it was. It actually gave me a sick feeling to see the changes in it and I'm wondering why I hold on so tightly to these material things, well, besides the obvious reason that they belonged to my baby and I don't want everything that was associated with him to be thrown out like a piece of trash. They are all treasures to me. Everything I've kept, I just cherish all of it.

I think I'm just trying to make some, any sense out of all of this and it's just not going to happen. I think and I think and then wonder about this, about that and the end result is always the same....he is gone. My baby is gone. But, I hold on and tightly to every memory, everything he touched, everything he loved. I guess I always will.

Just feeling the change in the weather, and the season...this season, when everything goes to sleep, hides and a lot of it dies. I don't like this time of year.

I'm just missing Jeff terribly. That is never going to change for as long as I live.

So sad tonight.


1294
Child Loss / A short 'oops & sorry'.....
« on: September 30, 2009, 10:32:42 PM »
....for taking up space on our board for my suggestion, when it belongs in Board Guidelines. It will be deleted soon.

Thanks & Hugs...Terry

1295
Child Loss / Alek's Angel Date today ((((Marianne))))
« on: September 28, 2009, 10:03:56 AM »
((((( Marianne )))))

Thinking of you today and knowing how difficult these days are. I hope a beautiful memory of your precious Alek finds its way into your heart.

And, I hope your baby sends you a sign to let you know he is always with you.

Big Warm Hug and My love,
Terry

ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK   ALEK

1296
Child Loss / Sara Elizabeth's "2" year Angel Date ((((Betty))))
« on: September 25, 2009, 08:27:14 AM »
((((( Betty ))))

Thinking of you today on a sad day, the day you said good-bye to your special girl. I do hope that a beautiful memory warms your heart, even through this pain of missing her so.

You have my love,
Terry

SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA  SARA

1297
Child Loss / Thinking of those today....
« on: September 18, 2009, 06:03:52 AM »
....with Angel dates (Birthdays) coming up in a couple of weeks, knowing how very difficult these days, weeks before are.

Betty's precious "Sara Elizabeth" died on September 25th.
Marianne's precious "Alek" died on September 28th.
Brenda's baby doll "Taylor" died on October 7th.
Annie's precious "Dan's" Birthday is October 8th.

I have a busy day today, but before I head out I just wanted to let you know that you are close to my heart and in my thoughts.

And as always, everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers.

You all have My Love,
Terry

1298
Child Loss / (((((VickiC)))))" Happy Heavenly Birthday Craig"
« on: September 16, 2009, 09:40:52 AM »
"Happy Heavenly Birthday Craig"

((((Vicki))))

Holding you close today on Craig's special day and wishing you warm and tender memories to see you through another difficult day. I hope your baby sends you a sign so you will feel him close to you.

My love,
Terry

1299
Child Loss / Tammie's "4" year Angel Date ((((Dottie))))
« on: September 13, 2009, 11:01:16 PM »
(((( Dottie ))))

Thinking of you today, missing your precious girl, and I hope your beautiful Tammie sends you a sign to let you know she is with you.

Holding you close, with love,
Terry


1300
Child Loss / ((((Phyllis)))) Happy Heavenly Birthday Tim
« on: September 07, 2009, 02:57:58 PM »
((((((Phyllis)))))))

Thinking of you today on Tim's special day. I haven't seen you post in awhile but do hope you stop by and please know you are always in our hearts and our thoughts, as is your precious and beautiful son.

(((((Happy Heavenly Birthday Tim!)))))

Please give your Momma a sign to let her know you are with her today.

My love,
Terry

1301
Child Loss / Adam's "3" year Angel date (((Paula)))
« on: September 06, 2009, 08:35:05 AM »
(((((((Paula)))))))

Thinking of you today, knowing how very hard it is to face these dates with all of their memories. And, I hope and pray that your precious Adam sends his Momma a sign to let you know he is with you, Paula.

I 'do' believe they are with us. They have made it known to 'me' on more than one occasion.

Thinking of Josh, Kate and Craig today. They are all close to my heart.

I'm holding you close in Love and please know that I am right there with you, in every way.

Biggest Hug (((((((((Paula)))))))
My love,
Terry


1302
Child Loss / Hurting tonight
« on: September 02, 2009, 09:21:38 PM »
Was cleaning the other night in an area of the house I seldom go to because all of Jeff's belongings are still in their boxes and I haven't opened them since I packed his house up, up North and brought everything home. I came across some things that have just torn me apart...it was like he was in the other room. Had never left. And I ask myself, how could this STILL feel so unreal after almost, well in Jan., 7 years? I really feel bad and so very confused. One of those scary places I am not able to come out of as quickly as I usually do. And I am attributing this to the Holidays coming up.?

Regarding Jeff's belongings; I took his clothes out and washed them every week for about a year when I first brought them home. Kept putting them back in the drawers. I don't know why. I've since sealed them except for a few pieces of clothing that were hanging in his closet. I vacuum sealed them and once in awhile I will tap the air ever so slightly to smell his scent. I can still smell his scent.

I was laying here last night, just crying, looking around the room. Jeff's sneakers with his socks in them are in the same place as when I brought them home from the ER. Along with his hat and his wallet. Oh, and the plastic bag the hospital gave me with the rest of my baby's belongings...what was left was in a plastic bag. I did cut some of his hair when I went to identify him. The nurses brought me scissors and were crying with me. That was after I performed CPR on him until they pulled me off of him. They didn't understand that I wasn't going to settle for someone telling me he was dead. No. I didn't want to hear those words.

I miss him so much. He would be a great support to me with Dad being as he is. He would have just taken over. He always took care of his Momma. But he's not coming back and I cry writing those words. Nothing I can do or say will ever bring him back. I just want to touch him one more time and hug him and kiss him and I want everything to be different.

I bore 3 beautiful children out of love. They all knew love, even Sal for the short time he was here, he too knew love. I loved and still love deeply my children and although I know in my heart that I have survived the unsurvivable...there are times like now when I just feel numb with pain. Numb from missing them. But I will always be grateful that they were in my life, even though I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

I know that I 'can' live with this pain and remember. Remember their faces, their smiles, their tender loving touch, their awesome love for their Momma. But the pain of losing them right now has grabbed onto me like something that's digging their claws deeper and harder into the lining of my soul and reaching into my heart and just tearing it apart and it just hurts so, so bad.

And I remember the love. I have to always remember the love. It's the reason for everything. It always has been. It is the deepest, most powerful (and in itself it is much more than just a) emotion that continues to keep me safely on the right path in this life. It's a long hard road.  And I know I don't walk it alone. But I sure wish I didn't have so much company. :(

My love,
Terry

1303
Child Loss / ((((Jo)))) Cory's Birthday
« on: September 02, 2009, 06:18:31 PM »
((((((Jo))))))

I'll be thinking about you and Cory tomorrow on his special day as I know how difficult these days are without our babies. And, I'm hoping you stop by for a visit as I've missed seeing your posts.
 
Happy Heavenly Birthday Cory!

I hope you feel your baby near and he sends you a sign and your heart is warmed with a loving memory of your precious son.

You have my love and lots of hugs!
Terry

1304
Child Loss / "Happy Birthday Candi"
« on: August 31, 2009, 06:16:00 AM »
"Happy Heavenly Birthday Candi"

((((((Martha))))))

Thinking of you today on Candi's special day and I hope your day is filled with beautiful memories of your special girl.

Big Hugs for Josh and please tell him I'm thinking about him, missing his Momma so much.

Hugs & Love for Lisa!

Love,
Terry

1305
Child Loss / Don (Donny's Dad)
« on: August 24, 2009, 05:43:40 AM »
(((((((Don)))))))

Happy Birthday my friend. I know how very hard our birthdays are without our babies and just want you to know you are in my heart and in my thoughts today.

My Love,
Terry

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