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Messages - CRCmom

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 16
16
Child Loss / Re: JONBOYS BDAY
« on: August 16, 2007, 08:18:26 PM »
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONBOY!!!!!  BLESSINGS TO YOU AND FAMILY.

17
Child Loss / Re: i'm going to be a grandma
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:41:30 AM »
Many many blessings to you, your family and your coming grandchild.  I pray this baby brings some joy back into your life.

18
Child Loss / Re: Article: Grief is Black; Healing is Color
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:38:09 AM »
I love my son Christian, everpresent and everwith me in my heart.  When people ask how many children I have.  I say "I have three." 


19
Child Loss / Re: Inspiriation: WHY ME???
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:34:54 AM »
It is my hope that I will see my son again that keeps me going.  Plain and simple.  I don't ask why because I know that I won't get that question answsered until I'm face to face with my God.  I am angry that my son was taken, I think it is not fair, I wish he could come back, and it infuriates me to see mothers who abuse and don't want their children, when I so desparately wanted mine.  But........  none of this will bring Christian back.  So I TRY not to waste time wondering why etc., but focusing on how to live one day at a time without him.  How to live and love my other children with our lives so drastically altered.  Tryng to stay close to family, when most of the time I know the pain of losing Christian is so clear in my voice and face, that they don't really want to talk to me or be around me.  To continue on and give back to others.  To tell others about my son and how unfortunate they are not to have known him.  But really most of all try and focus on my other children to let them know that they are just as important, just as loved and that sadness and tears are all a part of this process called life. 
Most days I want to die because I want the easy way out.  But how selfish of me that would be.   

My inspiration is Christian, David and Sean.  The world and our young people need us.  One foot in front of the other. 

20
Child Loss / Re: Wade's Angel Day
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:22:31 AM »
thinking of you and Wade.  I hope he sends you a sign that will bring you peace and comfort.


21
Child Loss / Re: Just wondering
« on: August 14, 2007, 12:46:04 PM »
Most mornings I wish I were not here.  I also think about the fact that I don't want to live a long lige because it is so damn hard without my son.  Even having two other children whom I adore, why do they not seem to be as important as Christian?  I feel very guilty about that and wonder why I think the way I do most of the time.


22
Child Loss / Re: 2 am
« on: August 14, 2007, 12:42:23 PM »
rebecca,

It appears that our sons died about the same time.  Christian died in February of 2005.  This year has been by far the hardest year for me.  I throw myself into work and have tried to do more things at home.  So much is different for me now.  When my son died I was married with 2 step children, one son in college and one son living at home in college.  Now I am living with a girlfriend and no children are home.  the loss of my son is HUGE.  Most days I am thinking of how I can make it or how I wish I had the nerve to kill myself because I don't like living anymore. 

I've read all the books, done seminars on grief, take medication, had counseling, but I am convinced that we only go a little ways each day without thinking about our lost child and how much we wish they were still here. 

I miss my son so very much, as you miss Jason.
I am praying and thinking of you.

23
Child Loss / Re: 3 letters that become our lives
« on: August 13, 2007, 12:32:10 PM »
I so agree with everything people are saying.  Why?  Will we ever know?  I know that I won't know in this life.  Why doesn't bring him back or ease the pain, it only complicates the situation and will eventually drive you crazy.  I loved my son (as we all do our children) more then I ever thought possible.  Having him gone is an atrocity and I don't know how we manage day to day, but we do and we will.  I absolutely believe that love crosses all barriers, even death, so I try very hard to focus on my love for my son and his for me and that that bond hasn't and won't ever be broken.  Wben we are together again, it remains.


24
Child Loss / Re: I'm in a crisis
« on: August 13, 2007, 05:01:47 AM »
The only thing I can say is hang on.  When I am feeling like I can't go on anymore, i just do the next right thing.  Not the thoughts that are in my head, but the next ok thing to do.  That may mean going to bed, or doing nothing but sit,  Just keep talking to us here and put one foot in front of the other and don't listen to what's going on in your head.  Your daughter wants you happy until you are together again.

25
Child Loss / Re: Tammie's Birthday ( 8-9-1965)
« on: August 12, 2007, 06:26:00 PM »
How close I hold you.  Tammie is so very close to you and feels all the love that you have for her. 

many blessigns.

26
Child Loss / Re: Birthday
« on: August 12, 2007, 06:24:59 PM »
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOEY JENKINS!!!!!

27
Child Loss / Re: FEELINGS HURT
« on: August 12, 2007, 06:24:02 PM »
I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  No rules, no time limits, no advice accept when asked.  I do believe that most people want to help, but they just don't know how and have no clue what to say or do.  The pain and loss is insurmountable and most people would wish we could go back to the way we were before, but that isn't possible.  Forever changed.

The most important thing is that if you have a close family, understand they are trying to help and even if you drift apart a little bit, that is ok because they will always be there for you.  If feel bad sometimes because I have a close family as well, and I am very aware that as a result of my son's death, there is great sadness and so my family isn't as close as they were before.  The pain is just too great.  I know they love me, but they are dealing with the pain of the loss as well and sometimes I think I am that harsh reminder that Christian (my son) is no longer here.  It makes me so very sad.  I miss him terribly and I miss the way it used to be. 

We are always here for you to talk and we will listen.

28
Child Loss / Re: 3 am
« on: August 11, 2007, 07:18:24 PM »
I wish I understood why a well.  i don't keep it a secret that I am angry with God about taking my son.  WHY???  I know that none of us truly understand an d problably won' till we get there.  It does seem so unfiar.  Life is so very different and I don't like it.  I wwwant Christian ak.

Rebecca, I understand and whish desparately that I could bring Jason back for you. 

29
Child Loss / Re: Grieving Parents
« on: August 03, 2007, 04:23:09 PM »
jemz,

how very sad and sorry I am when a new person comes to the board.  Your daugter was obviously a blessing to you and your husband.  This board is a wonderful place to come for comfort and solace, understanding and advice.  None of wish that the other were here, but we are and so we try to make life a little less painful by supporting each other.  I lost my youngest son Christian February 28, 2005.  He was almost 16 years old.  I miss him beyond belief and somedays I don't know how I get through the day, but I do.  I truly is one moment at a time and learning how to live without our precious child.  Pour your heart out here and we will listen and support.

30
Child Loss / Re: Just another day
« on: August 03, 2007, 04:16:31 PM »
Marianne,

I understand the feeling sorry for yourself part as well.  It's amazing how I can flip from one feeling to another.  One day I'm thinking Christian was a gift and I need to cherish the time I had with him and the next I'm so p---=d off at God.  It's amazing what grief does to our bodies and how run down we can get.  I hope you have a good day and enjoy the concert.  Bithdays now mean nothing.  Without my son, life has so few pleasures.

Happy birthday anyway!!!!

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