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Messages - CRCmom

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Child Loss / Re: Holidays
« on: November 24, 2007, 04:49:04 PM »
I am more depressed this year than last as well.  I am struggling every minute.  Don't know what to do.  Tearful all the time.  Not happy.  In fact quite miserable.  Have spent more time contemplating suicide then usual.  Wouldn't do it now - too many people would hurt too much.  If it weren't for them, I'd be gone.  Holidays suck.  We are SUPPOSE to be happy, but it is pretty hard when you feel so miserable. 

I am praying for all of us to make it through another season.

Child Loss / Re: O/T pics of my special babies
« on: November 24, 2007, 04:45:34 PM »
WONDERFUL - they are my kind of dogs.  Such love and comfort they bring.

Child Loss / Re: Today's a bad day
« on: November 24, 2007, 04:44:38 PM »
How sorry I am that you had to read all that.  The visions are horrific.

Child Loss / Re: Strength..Or Lack There Of
« on: November 11, 2007, 06:08:04 PM »
I wish I could help to alleviate the pain but I know that I can't .  Our llives are forever changed.  The life I hoped for, dreamed of and counted on is no longer possible.  It will never be ok without my Christian and all of our children.  I have to believe however, that this life has in store for us other beautiful moments. NEVER the same or as good as it could of been with our children, but somehow beautiful and more blessed because we know how much we have lost.  I pray that God gives you a day of great joy and peace bringing to the forfront the most precious child you have lost, but also the most precious child you still posess.

I will be thinking and praying forf you this week.


Child Loss / Re: I LOST IT!!!!! WHAT IS HAPPING TO ME?????
« on: November 10, 2007, 11:26:30 AM »
You are most definitely not a freak.  I do the same thing all the time.  I am always overreacting to situations and concerns about my other two sons.  In fact, I was in a small accident the other day and my one son pulled up in front of me and the look on his face was of pure fear and I realized at that point that it goes both ways.  I think that any of us that have lost something so precious to us are extra concerned about losing another person.  My reality is that that is where I am now and if people don't like it - tough s---.  sorry you had to go through that kind of fear again.

I understand.

Child Loss / Re: Testing a pic
« on: November 10, 2007, 11:22:46 AM »
How precious your baby girl is.  I lost my son at 15 3 and a half years ago.  Every single day I miss him more.  Thanks for sharing your angel.

Child Loss / Re: What do you say?
« on: November 01, 2007, 05:11:28 PM »

Your Marc is so handsome!!!!  I always say I have 3 sons.  I will usually say that my youngest son died when he was 15.  But I ALWAYS say 3 sons.  All of my children will continue to be a part of my soul every day of my life.  I agree that you need to say what you are most comfortable with.

I am so sorry that you lost Marc.

Child Loss / Re: Jeanie's Angel Date is Oct. 30
« on: November 01, 2007, 05:08:06 PM »
Love to Jeannie and to you!!!!!!

Child Loss / Re: Sharing
« on: November 01, 2007, 05:05:21 PM »
Thank you all for sharing.  Saying our children's name is so very important.  Say Christian, say Christian.  I have one coworker who will always ask me how my children are and she always includes Christian by name.  I so love her for that.

Child Loss / Re: Sorry to all
« on: October 14, 2007, 03:50:54 PM »
Always thinking of all of you.  I am struggling as well.  Wish it were different for all of us.

Damn this road is brutal!!!!

Love Paula

Child Loss / Re: tears don't stop
« on: October 14, 2007, 03:38:46 PM »

Exactly how I feel.  I am so sorry we share the same pain. 

As best I can, I send you strength and peace.

Love Paula

Child Loss / Re: what has this made you
« on: September 17, 2007, 03:56:56 PM »
Tough question,

Like most everyone else, I am a different person.  My life was forever changed the day I lost Christian. 

Since Christian died I have raged, cried, hurt myself, wanted to die, hated everyone and everything, felt sorry for myself, been angry at God, lost my friends, and it continues.  I don't want to be resentful and bitter.  Lately I have tried to focus on the reality that Christian is a gift and the time I had with him is so very precious to me.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  He is still with me, but I miss his being here in person painfully so. 

In most ways, I find myself being more compassionate and tolerant but still very forthright with my opinion and not real tolerant of people who have a choice to do something different. 

Anyway, I don't really know who I am without my son, but I want to be better.

Child Loss / Re: A Photo of Seth
« on: September 17, 2007, 03:40:06 PM »

Beautiful beautiful baby.  Congratulations Grandma.  Josh I'm sure is ever present with his new nephew.

Child Loss / Re: Feeling so angry
« on: August 17, 2007, 10:29:04 AM »

Yes congratulations on quitting smoking.  Not easy at all, but definitely worth it.

I go through the same thing that there was something I should have done or known.  But I didn't know.  Any of us would have done whatever we knew to do if we could have prevented our child's death.  Don't play that mind game, it will just take you down down down.  We can't make sense of our child being gone and I think sometimes we are just trying to figure it out to have some kind of answer.  There isn't one.  Do you know what your son died from? 

My son had a pulmonary embolism from a broken ankle,  Who would ever think that???? 

I am so sorry you are going through this agony right now. 

Child Loss / Re: ((((LaVonne & Jason))))
« on: August 16, 2007, 08:19:24 PM »
Happy birthday Jason.  Love and hugs to you LaVonne!!!!

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