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Messages - helene

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Sibling Loss / Re: Loss of my sister
« on: October 15, 2010, 01:29:02 PM »
I agree: this forum is a Godsend! Every day that I read what you all are sharing and how kind and supportive you are to me in the midst of your own grief is changing my life for the better. I feel something different happening inside of me and that difference is that I'm not alone. None of us have to be alone despite the isolation of our day-to-day interactions with people we come in contact with - telling us, either verbally or non-verbally - that we're not allowed to talk about our sister or brother who has died. We CAN talk here and comfort each other and I am tremendously grateful for that. The love I feel from this forum is palpable and real. I am away for the weekend but intend to be back by the week. Blessings to you all, Helene.

Sibling Loss / Re: October is here
« on: October 15, 2010, 09:28:44 AM »
Hi Gail08,

Nobody has said those words 'Get over it' yet to me but I can almost hear them thinking it out loud whenever I mention my sister's name, so I don't talk about her to anyone any more except some times to my husband. However, when my mother phoned to tell me that Lesley had died, she said: "Lesley is gone." I misunderstood her and thought she meant that Lesley had taken off somewhere because Lesley had done that before. Then my mother said again with more emphasis: "No, you don't understand. Lesley is GONE!" Then I knew. I immediately burst into tears at the shock because her death was very sudden and unexpected. My mother said: "Now: let's have none of THAT!" I'll never forget my mother saying those words to me when I was crying. That's my mother and we are not close. You never know who is going to say the wrong words and when those words are said, they HURT and we don't forget. Hang in there Gail. My heart goes out to you in your grief.

Sibling Loss / Re: Loss of my sister
« on: October 14, 2010, 10:25:59 AM »
Your courses in criminal psychology should be a help to you I am sure and figuring out that David may have had ADP (is that 'Antisocial Dissociative Personality'?) should be a huge help for you as you continue to look into that. (I think a condition that is very similar is Borderline Personality Disorder, which I know my mother has.) I have read many psychological/medical books to discover that my sister suffered from many forms of dissociative disorders, the kind of seizures she had being one kind (psychogenic seizures) which are emotionally caused and are not epilepsy, yet the results are the same when these people have seizures. There are other things she suffered from: dissociative amnesia and fuging to name a few more. I won't go on, but it has been a help for me to understand better WHAT caused my sister's death. I know it all stems back to us being from a very broken family.

I wish you all the best with finding out more about your brother David! Best wishes and love, from Helene.

Sibling Loss / Re: Loss of my sister
« on: October 13, 2010, 12:31:10 PM »

Some people lead tragic lives and our siblings were two who certainly did. It is so hard to witness one's brother or sister going down a destructive path in life where those lives end prematurely in death.  Like your brother, my sister Lesley was innately a gentle person but was hurting too much inside for her to lead a healthy productive life. But I do believe that she knew that I loved her and I bet your brother knew that you loved him. That's the most important thing I think and I try to remember the moments with my sister that had a glimmer of happiness and all the hugs we gave each other over the years. Take good care of yourself and I hope you have a trusted and loving person you can talk with during these painful weeks and months. Love and hugs to you. Helene.

Sibling Loss / Re: Loss of my sister
« on: October 13, 2010, 07:28:29 AM »
Hi Debee and Browneyedgirl,

Thank you for your heartfelt condolences regarding the loss of my sister. Please accept my most sincere and caring sympathy for the losses of your brothers. Each of you is suffering and I realize that I am not alone during this terrible time. Debee, that is a horrendous tragedy regarding your brother in that police chase. I have heard of people dying needlessly in police chases and no wonder you are angry at the police. I don't know how to really get through all the pain  of losing my sister.  I've been reading books on grief, like 'Recovering from the Loss of a Sibling', which is good, but nothing takes away the pain. I have such mixed feelings about my sister. She was so terribly troubled emotionally and there was nothing anyone could do for her because she wouldn't let them. She lived in our house (my husband and I) in a separate unit for three years. I thought being together as a family would help but it didn't. Her seizures often woke us during the middle of the night and I'd be terrified she'd fall down the stairs. I am not surprised she died in a bathroom because she most often had her seizures and panic attacks in bathrooms. It's all very sad and I too feel compassion and empathy for your losses. Being able to communicate with each other like this is a help for sure.

Sibling Loss / Loss of my sister
« on: October 12, 2010, 11:11:33 AM »
Hello. I'm Helene and I lost my older sister suddenly on July 14 of this year. I have another brother and a sister but we're not very close because we're all from a broken family and suffered from different emotional problems. I'm in my forties and my older sister was fifty-five. She was a very bright person but because of her emotional problems she ended up in a rooming house on a disability pension. Her name was Lesley and she suffered from a rare form of seizure that is not epileptic but rather is emotionally caused. They are called psychogenic-seizures and have all of the symptoms (petit mal and grand mal) that epileptic seizures do. She died having a seizure alone in the bathroom at the rooming house in the middle of the night. She must have got up to use the bathroom. She managed to lock the bathroom door and then it must have happened. I keep going over the details over and over in my head - what she must have felt when she woke up in the middle of the night...her last minutes of life...She had a very lonely life and I feel guilty because I couldn't always be there for her when she needed me due to my own problems. Well, now it is October and the sympathy cards and condolences are long over and nobody talks about her any more while I constantly am feeling haunted by her death. I am triggered into tears by a variety of things and it just won't stop. I feel terribly alone even though I am married to a wonderful man. (We have no children.) But he doesn't want to talk about her any more either. Thank you for reading this.

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