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Messages - jbryant

Pages: 1 ... 11 12 [13]
181
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: I'm a newbie
« on: September 22, 2012, 10:35:03 PM »
I just wanted to let you know I'm still here just dealing with all these emotions and the pain is so hard at times I just cry and cry I stay in my iPod most of the time music sooths me but hurts to so well you know the rest of the story I miss my Doyle gonna go to pa. To see his sister for a few weeks I feel closer to him when I'm with her is this normal or not they welcome me with open arms family, I'm still going thru this alone except my sister I'm staying with but I'm still alone  will be for ever again thanks for listing John

182
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: I'm a newbie
« on: September 18, 2012, 06:45:31 PM »
hi everyone Im jsut still trying to figure things out why this and why that ect youve all been here and from what all Ive read from your posts and others on this site has been such a greeat help Im not very open or should I say Im learning how to become more open cause we lived shuch a shelterd lifestyle didnt have a lot of friends ect. but that was the way we liked it all we needed was each other we were our own party and boy did we do some back in the day many moons ago, I need to know the facts of what happend cause it happened so freaking fast so Im gonna go get a copy of his records for that 38 hrs.
I try not to cry but I cant control at times like now but they say your tears are all different tears of joy,tears of sadness ect. Lisa thank you for the advice on a book havent done it yet cause Im finding all of the eariler posts that all of ya'll have posted has been my book thus far I stay in my music alot bringing back the old memories and the new ones as well but just trying to get back to normal and I know that will neverr happen cause half of me is gone and that will never change everyday seems like another piece of me floats away this is a loney dark journey we are all on and dam I want out off or whatever else you want to call it just wish I could trade places we were suppose to grow older togather and when i see other older couples I break down and you know the rest of the story  but that was yesterday (good tune by the way lol) thanks for all of your support and your messages they mean a lot they really do.
Nov. would have been 35 yrs

183
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: I'm a newbie
« on: September 16, 2012, 12:05:48 AM »
Again thank you for the open arms it means a lot to me I'm still in a fog have real bad short term memory it seems and life is so lonely ain't it strange why when a loved one dies everyone is so careing but a month later well hey it's still the same for me but life goes on it just keeps getting harder day by day dam it

184
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: DIMES FROM HEAVEN
« on: September 14, 2012, 12:01:51 AM »
So sweet can't wait to see the bracelet

185
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Labour Day Blues
« on: September 13, 2012, 11:59:53 PM »
Hey Andy please know you are not alone anymore I'm here for you as our paths have now crossed and I need a new friend (don't have many of them being with Doyle all my life as well) only time will let us heal but Doyle being a lumbee Indian (tribe from NC)when I took him home to bury him 3weeks ago his aunt told me if I dont let him go he won't rest in peace and neither will you so my new friend you must now let your love rest because you will not rest either till then. I know easier said than done I'm in the same boat but your further out than me and I hope maybe we can help one another just let me know John

186
Spouse, Partner Loss / I'm a newbie
« on: September 12, 2012, 10:55:55 PM »
Hi my name is John and I lost the love of my life and soul on aug 5 @6:15pm his name was DOYLE and I miss him so much we had 35 wonderfull yrs  and we were hoping for many more till cancer set in it was so fast and ever since then the world is spinning so fast now I'm lost in a way and in another I'm not my sister moved me out of our apt.so fast when I came back from NC I was out now I'm staying with her and my brother in law I've been reading the bords and we are all here for the same reason and I'm hoping this will help me cause we weren't very outgoing people we stayed to ourselfs cause that's all we needed we have our family and a few close friends but mainly it was just us and we were very happy I took him back to NC to bury him with his mother that's what he wanted his family was very friendly and thankfull we were young when we met he was 17 I was 19 I'm 53 now and all alone for the first time in my life and I'm scared I had to go home in 1994 to be caregiver to my mother and then it became my father and now I'm in 2012 and was Doyle's till aug 5 theirs so much I need to know now and I'm taking one step and day at a time like yal,ll been saying I listen to old music we liked it helps I cry a lot it helps he had a large cell pancoast tumor in his led lung which also wrap around his heart valve then it spread to his spine went to the ER cause he couldn't breathe so I gave him more morphine for Air Hunger and that dint work so Igave him more it got us to the ER they said it was phenomionia 12hrs later Ilistenedto his last heart beat only after 3 mins off the ventilater so now I'm on this lonely journey down this dark road but I think with all the help I've seen and read here this is the right place to be at this time thank you for listing and reading my story and like everyone here theirs a lot more so now I will again cry myself to sleep thank you John  :LA:

I want to Thank everyone for the nice hello,s and welcomes I knew when I read the forms this was a nice safe place I hope my being an open gay man is no problem to anyone or afend anyone we were not a very open gay couple but we didn't hide it either my Doyle was in the construction industry a brick mason tendr and very good at it so his boss says lol he fell off a ladder in 2007 tore his knee into 105 pices they tried to put it back together but it didn't work so he got a new knee and that didn't work either so he lost his leg above the knee And it just sorta went down hill after that but in all of this hell we went thru he found a hidden talent he could draw like Picaso Monet and he fell in love with it all and he got dam good at it I hope I'm posting this right if not please help many thanks for listening
 

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