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Messages - Sad Eyes

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Sibling Loss / Re: Advice on Professional Therapy
« on: April 28, 2009, 06:16:34 AM »
Hey Scott, sorry to hear you had a rough weekend.  The fact that you are willing to try a different therapist speaks volumes.  I got lucky when I found the one I went to.  I don't know if I would have went any farther with it if I hadn't got it right the first time. I will be the first to admit he didn't solve my problems, but he gave me some coping skills that I still use to this day.  I told him once (I went back for a refresher session) my emotional brain isn't listening to my intelligent brain, we talked and I got things under control once again.  Luvinmike had a excellent suggestion about exercise, natures way to fight depression.  I will have to admit I just couldn't make myself exercise when I needed it the most.  It's something I do on a regular basis now and it does help.  I hope things turn around for you soon, I know how miserable it feels when a person in down.  Please let me know how you are doing.

Sad Eyes

Sibling Loss / Re: Advice on Professional Therapy
« on: April 27, 2009, 11:19:37 AM »
I can't begin to explain the benefits fo therapy, I don't know if I would have survied my brother's murder with it.  As for medication, I did go that route during the pretrial and trial. The medication helped take the edge off everthing during that time.  If I had to choose between the two, therapy wins hands down.  It's much more personalized.  I felt that I needed to work through my feelings not mask them with medication.  There is nothing wrong with taking medication, this is just my opinion.  If I felt the need I would consider taking medication again but only for a short period.  Not only did it mask the bad things in my life it also lessend some of the good things in life too.

I am sorry you are dealing with the loss of yous sister.  No matter what the circumstances are that surround our loved ones death it is never easy.  Take care of yourself, I hope you find a way to work through your loss.

Sad Eyes

Main / Re: Need some opinions....please
« on: April 27, 2009, 09:43:20 AM »
Thanks for your feedback on this, thought you might like to hear how it all went.  I did contact the unit superintendent, high school principal and a board member and told them my feelings about this event and how I thought it was very disrespectful to any murder victim, their families and especially so to the family of the slain cop/school bus driver. They all listened to what I had to say and said that I had opened their eyes to several issues.  This morning I received a call from the high school principal letting me know that the murder had been removed from the play. I can't begin to tell you how much that meant to me.  I know my brother is pround of me for standing up for my beliefs.

Main / Re: I lost both my parents
« on: April 18, 2009, 01:02:08 PM »
First of all I want to let you know how sorry I am that you have lost both of your parents at such a young age.  No matter what the circumstances the loss of that last parent leaves a person with such a lost and lonley feeling.  With you being an only child that only amplifies those feelings.  I have lost both parents and my brother and my sister so I understand how alone you are feeling at this time.  While nobody can ever replace your parents you will find that comfort can come from people or places that you can't even begin to imagine.  Like this board for example or a stranger that you strike up a conversation with.  Don't be afraid to come here when you are feeling blue, someone here can always lend you a shoulder to lean on.  Take care and let us know how you are doing.

Sad Eyes

Main / Need some opinions....please
« on: April 18, 2009, 07:55:46 AM »
Yesterday while reading my local paper I can across an ad promoting a murder/mystery dinner theater function at our local high school.  Having had my brother murdered a few years ago I find this type of entertainment a very poor choice for anyone let alone a high school fundraiser.   On Monday I plan to contact the unit superintendent, the high school principal, and several board members about this poor choice of entertainment.  What makes this even sadder is that, somewhere around 1968 the town cop/school bus driver was murdered on the school grounds.  I know that I am very sensitive to anything involving murder.  I posted about this yesterday on a murder support board and of course most people found it very offensive.  Am I being overly sensitive about this or is it as inappropriate as I feel it is?  I would like a few opinions before I contact the school.

Main / Re: taking a few days off
« on: April 16, 2009, 09:13:18 AM »
Hi Lauren,

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your surgery.  My best friend went through this around your age and everything went great.  She wishes she had done it years eariler.  In the six years that have past she has felt so much better with very little, if any side effects from having the surgery.

Take care, I 'm sending healing thoughts your way.

Sad Eyes

Main / Re: So, so alone
« on: March 14, 2009, 07:50:17 AM »
My heart broke when I read your post.  I had a brother who was murdered so I know some of the emotions that you are feeling.  Honestly I can't imagine what it would be to have lost both parents at that time as well.  One of the things that helped me most was going to therapy.  I agree with the others who have posted get into counseling, a murder victims support group or find someone who has also experienced this type of loss to talk to.  Those are things that helped me work through my loss.  It helped me to know I wasn't the only one to have lost a loved one in such a horrilbe way.  I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this type of loss and if I can help you in any way I will.  Take care and please let everyone know how you are doing.

Recommended Grief Books / Re: THE SHACK by William P. Young
« on: December 22, 2008, 12:02:21 PM »
I just received and read this book yesterday.  It definately makes one stop and think. My brother was murdered and  I have experienced so many of the emotions that were in this book.  I know what a burden that "the great sadness" is.  I still can't find forgiveness in my heart towards his killer, but after reading this book I can see that that it would be a great benefit to me if I could forgive.

If anyone has lost a loved one in a sudden and tragic way they should read this.  It gives another view to your loss.             

Sibling Loss / Re: my sister
« on: September 13, 2008, 10:10:10 AM »
Dear Wendy,

It's never easy to lose a loved one under any circumstance.  But to have lost your sister on what was to be a happy day only adds to the pain and sorrow that you are feeling.  To me a sudden death is much tougher to deal many complex issues for those of us left behind   I have lost both a sister and a brother.  My sister had cancer, we knew that she wouldn't last long and we began grieving long before she ever passed away.  My brother was murdered, needless to say his death was quite a shock and much more traumatic to deal with.  All too well I can understand why you are struggling with your grief and wondering why this had to happen on what should have been a wonderful day for you and your family.   I wish I could say something to make all of this better for you.  I have found that talking with others who share similar experiances does help the healing process.  If you need anything don't be afraid to ask.....................there is always a shoulder to lean on at this website.  Take care and let me know how you are doing.

Sad Eyes 

Sibling Loss / Re: someone help
« on: July 29, 2008, 01:47:11 PM »
Don't be so hard on yourself............your Dad's sudden death naturally has knocked you off you feet. It's only natural you would be such a wreck after a loss like this.  Grieving takes time and you are at a very emotional point in your grief process.  I agree with what Lauren has posted.  It's OK to ask for help and it helps to talk with others who have lost loved ones too.

I am so sorry for your loss.  Take Care!

Sad Eyes

Sibling Loss / Re: 2 siblings gone in 2 years
« on: July 26, 2008, 11:09:45 AM »
Hello Won - by- One,

First of all I am so sorry that you have lost your brother and your sister.  I can relate to the sorrow that you are feeling.  I lost my sister to cancer at age 42 and my brother was murdred at age 47.  I understand that holding in your sorrow and grief will age a person.  Please find someone that you can relate to and talk to about your grief.  Talking with others (even someone that you don't know) who have lost loved ones really helps.  I struggled with my grief, anger, and sorrow long before I gave in and went to see a counselor.  Seeking out professional help was one of my best steps towards healing. I hope that somewhere here in my ramblings is something that will help you feel better.  Take care and let me know how you are doing.

Sad Eyes

Main / Re: My Brother has passed on today.
« on: March 18, 2008, 07:10:40 AM »
Charles, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  I too am the only one left from my original family, I understand how lost and alone that you are feeling right now.  Grief can be so unbearable at times.   I found that talking to a counselor really helped.  You may want to set up an appointment.  Again I am so sorry for your losses.  Take comfort in knowing others care!

Sad Eyes

Main / Re: Struggling with work
« on: February 18, 2008, 07:00:13 AM »
My heart goes out to you and what you are going through right now with work.  I 've been there!! I really struggled after my brother was murdered, I finally went to a counselor and that helped.  Until someone has suffered such a devastating loss they can't begin to realize how long the trauma lasts. Maybe you will have to "lose" it before your healing process can begin.............don't let others tell you how you should greive.  Most of all be kind to yourself.  Take care, I hope you are feeling better.

Main / Re: Dad
« on: February 18, 2008, 06:50:03 AM »

So sorry for your loss.  I don't think we ever stop mourning the loss of our loved ones.  Your Dad would be proud to know you treasure his WWII medals and most of all he would be proud of you and how you treasure his memory.  Take care!!

Main / Re: Where is Normal?
« on: February 13, 2008, 01:42:23 PM »

In my experience after suffering several losses my life has never went back to the "normal" that I had at one time.  But life does return back to a comfortable just takes awhile.  Don't try to rush things or push your grief aside.  Talk to others who know what your are experiencing, with kindness and understanding your healing process will soon begin.

I understand how it feels to have lost one of the last links to your family.  It was especially hard to watch my Dad grieve for my Mom, sister and my brother.  After my brother's murder he lost his will to live. It sounds like your Grandmother did too.  Even though we know that they were ready to go it doesn't make it any eaiser for us to lose them.

Take care and let everyone know how you are doing.

Sad Eyes

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