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Messages - closs86

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16
Main / Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« on: July 29, 2010, 07:55:09 PM »
Hi Penny
    I know how much it hurts, I can't even breath at times, I also depended on my husband for so many things, we were always together, didn't have many friends. it was just us, we loved each other more than anything, so believe me I know, it does feel like I can't go on always, but I try to push myself into things, or I will just give up, and I know that Johnny would not want me to give up.  We will be together again, but we have to wait until it is time. Fred is with you all the time, don't you feel him, do you see signs from him, I know that you want to see him, feel him, touch him, but right now we can't,  but know that someday we will be with them again, our love will last forever, it will never change. I hope you can find some strength, and peace, ask Fred to help you and he will.
Take care
hugs
Karen

17
Main / Re: Missing you
« on: July 28, 2010, 06:26:27 PM »
Hi Poppy,
    Happy to hear you feel a little better now, that is how this horrible thing is you go up and down, you never know when or what will trigger it.  try to recouperate when you are on the up.
     The kids will be a distraction, I know it is hard to find things to do, I don't know where to go or what to do, sometimes, I feel like i have no direction in life without him
Take care
karen

18
Main / Re: Still Asking Why
« on: July 28, 2010, 06:22:53 PM »
Hi Jannie,
     It is good that you are finished for the week already, you have a nice long time off, go to the pool, you are right, it is over so quick, enjoy it. and besides it is good for you to talk to people.
     It would be nice if your relatives move closer to you, my sons are trying to get me to move to n j, but i am not ready to make any big changes yet, one thing at a time.
     I just ate dinner myself, it is hard when you get home after 7, and have to take care of the animals, they want to eat first.
     I wasn't really planning on cleaning, I think it was a burst of crazy energy, I really overdid it.
Take care
Hugs
Karen

19
Main / Re: Still Asking Why
« on: July 27, 2010, 07:58:37 PM »
Hi Jannie,
       Was off today, did a lot of work in the basement, throwing stuff out, got a little crazy down there, went to the counselor, she seems real nice and compassionate, hopefully she can help me through this.  I have work tomorrow, so I better get ready for bed.  I miss Johnny so much, how do we get through this, I don't understand.
take care
Hugs
Karen

20
Main / Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« on: July 27, 2010, 07:54:35 PM »
Hi Penny and Jackie,
       Penny, I was to the counselor today for the second visit, she stresses how important it is to have a network, and to not stay home alone, it is so bad for us to do that, she told me to push myself, because i told her that I never really wanted to go, i always forced myself, and she said that we should force ourselves.  All I know is when I got home today I had the strength and energy of superwoman, I went down the basement and really attacked it and threw tons of stuff out, heavy stuff, I didn't even feel it, I think it has something to do with my emotions.
      Jackie, How are you?. We will never feel the same again, we are different people now, half of what we were, I hate it, and would love to join johnny, but what do we do?, I just don't know.
Take care
Hugs
Karen

21
Main / Re: Missing you
« on: July 25, 2010, 04:33:18 PM »
Hi
   I called his cell phone numerous times, and then we recorded his voice message, what good will it do, I don't know, the other night at 3;30 I heard him calling me, woke me right up out of a dead sleep. It was his voice, I know that it was him, also tonight when we went to dinner, some friends and I, all of a sudden our song came on in the restaurant, just can't believe it.
take care,
hugs
karen

22
Main / Re: lost my life
« on: July 25, 2010, 04:29:44 PM »
Hi Poppy,
    I met some friends today in SI, went to the tibetan museum had a spiritual time, it was good, then went to dinner, while we were waiting for dinner, guess what mine and johnny's song comes on. I couldn't believe it, it was so bizarre, I was pretty shocked, when i got home just trying to figure it out, and i can't
take care
hugs
karen

23
Main / Re: Where is justice?
« on: July 25, 2010, 04:26:32 PM »
Hi Jackie,
     My Johnny also did most of the cooking since he retired, I was not so picky, so whatever he made was good for me, and he did a good job.
      Today I met some friends on SI, went to the tibetan museum, it was very nice, then went to eat in portobello, and while we were waiting for out dinner, what do you think happened, mine and johnny's song comes on, I thought i would faint, it was just so sad, I know that he was there with me, just so weird,
Take care
hugs
karen

24
Main / Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« on: July 25, 2010, 04:21:51 PM »
Hi Penny and Jackie,
    I know that family can sometimes be not so understanding, I hope that you and your sister can come to a good place and understanding.
  Jackie you are lucky to have a large family that is understanding, I have my 2 sons, they have been really good through this whole disaster, but they are busy with their families and kind of drifted away over the last month, it is not their fault it is perfectly normal, but i am so alone, i feel terrible, I miss johnny so much, there are no words to express.
   I met some friends today in SI, went to the tibetan museum, and then to a nice restaurant, guess what mine and Johnny's song comes on, I almost fainted, I can't believe it, it is an old song what are the chances. it made me feel so depressed. I don;t understand.
Take care
Karen

25
Main / Re: Still Asking Why
« on: July 25, 2010, 04:12:29 PM »
Hi Jannie,
     Well I took the bus and traveled to SI, meet some friends went to a tibetan museum had dinner, nice day, while we were sitting in the restaurant, guess what mine and Johnny's song came on, not good, old song what are the chances, I was a little freaked out.  I came home and have been thinking about it, can't believe it, so strange.
Take care
hugs
karen

26
Main / Re: Members: Please Read!
« on: July 24, 2010, 07:57:08 PM »
Hi Terry,
   I think it would be good to have seperate boards, spouse loss and parent loss
Thanks
Karen

27
Main / Re: lost my life
« on: July 24, 2010, 07:55:27 PM »
Hi Susan,
   I am so sorry that you have another loss, it seems that is all we hear lately, I don't get the purpose of this whole life and dying thing, what are we here for to enjoy for a short time and then grieve.  I upset myself today big time, I went and picked up some 8mm film that i had transferred to a dvd, and came home and watched it, boy wrong move, part of our wedding, our kids when they were young, Johnny looking healthy, and handsome and young, it was very heart wrenching, well there is nothing we can do, I am actually looking forward to my therapy appt on tuesday, I hope that they can help us, even a little.
God Bless
Karen

28
Main / Re: Where is justice?
« on: July 23, 2010, 07:33:39 PM »
Hi Jackie,
     I hope the therapist can guide us through this, it is terrible, the past 2 weeks have been extra bad for me, don;t know why.
     I am happy that you are going to a medium,. I would do it again in a heartbeat, he was so good, I listen to it over and over, and always hear a little something i missed,  I think it will bring you some comfort, I hope so.
    It is going to be so hot tomorrow, I can;t believe it, this is a terrible summer, although I am not looking forward to a dark depressing winter, feeling the way we do.
    Take care
   Keep cool
Karen

29
Main / Re: Missing you
« on: July 22, 2010, 07:33:02 PM »
Oh Poppy,
    I know what you are talking about, the other night at 3;30 in the morning i heard johnny calling my name, work right up out of a dead sleep, I just don;t know what to say.
God Bless
Hugs
Karen

30
Main / Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« on: July 22, 2010, 07:30:52 PM »
Hi Penny
  OMG, what is going on?, that is just crazy, talk about everything at once, I am so sorry that you had so much trouble, I just don't understand why we have to endure all this pain and suffering,  My heart goes out to you and your family,
Take care
Karen

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