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Messages - theFireballKid

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46
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 07, 2010, 09:52:08 AM »
I lost all 3 in less than 5 years...

What helped me get thru that period after my parents? The fact that I still had my sister was my motivation, as well as to prove to my parents that I was grateful. During that period, I threw away all of the people I used to know and only consider one person a friend. But now, even that friend means nothing to me.

47
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 06, 2010, 06:39:51 PM »
Last August. Every day since has been hell.

48
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 06, 2010, 11:48:07 AM »
My father didn't give up, another person took his life. My sister, I feel as though i could have done something to prevent it. As for God, I believed in him after my father passed...but now with my sister, I'm done with religion. I get infuriated when i think about it.

49
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 06, 2010, 07:26:07 AM »
laurenE,

Your experience seems similar. I have no relatives to lean on (they've never been there for my family), friends are not there and have brushed all of this off, and all of these incidents...  I really cant handle it. My days now are filled with anxiety, fear and regret.

Growing up, i witnessed my mother trying to commit suicide (was traumatizing at the time). Everyday after consisted of parents fighting, abusing each other, and being abused by them (emotionally and physically) - they drank a lot. After my father died, i made an effort to regroup and hold on for my sister. I was able to graduate with the goals I set out to accomplish: internships, summa cum laude, honorary awards, top job. But now with the event of my sister, I just dont care anymore. Any day now Im ready to quit my job or just not show up at all.

50
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 05, 2010, 01:03:12 PM »
I believe any day now I will be next. After finally graduating from college, accomplishing many things that i set out to do, it really meant nothing in the end. I got the job I wanted...but at what cost?

I come into work so empty, perform at 25%, and go home to my whiskey (drinking is all I think of now). Sometimes when I am driving, I think about driving off a cliff or driving right into direct traffic.

Money means nothing to me. Grad school, which I had planned for, means nothing. Friends? They mean nothing. I went thru hell growing up, but to see how things had to end up...this is hell.

51
Main / Re: All gone...
« on: April 05, 2010, 11:18:04 AM »
to be honest, I dont want to make it anymore. this life sickens me

52
Main / All gone...
« on: April 05, 2010, 07:50:37 AM »
Within 5 years, I have lost my entire family: mother at age 17 (brain failure), father at age 19 (murder-suicide), and now sister (suicide).

I've lost all hope and find the meaning and purpose of life to be...well...nothing. Feel like life betrayed me.

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