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Messages - AC Mom

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31
Child Loss / Re: Missing Maggie
« on: August 23, 2013, 02:08:21 PM »
Jamie,

I am so sorry to hear about your Maggie.  Having a child die is something no parent should go thru, regardless of how old that child is.

People mean well when they say the things they do..... Move on, get over it, is probably the worse one.   You can move forward, but you will never get over it.  I found when my 30 year old son died in a accident a little over 11 years ago, I had to find another reason to go on with life.  I did a lot of crocheting of baby blankets for the local hospital, and other organizations.  Thru the years I have done lots of volunteering.  I now volunteer for a local Pet Rescue.  Nothing warms my heart more than the looks on the families faces when we have spent hours looking for their lost pet and then take him/her home.   

I can't really comment on feeling guilty, I have never felt guilty.  My son died doing something he loved, riding thru the mountains on his motorcycle.  But, I can speak in general about guilt, it usually leads to bitterness, and  bitterness will kill you.

Its not your fault Maggie died.  She came into this world knowing you loved her, and she knew that when she slipped beyond the veil.  She is still with you, look for the signs, they are there, and they do make you feel better.

Love and Hugs
Peggy



32
Child Loss / Re: A tragic death
« on: July 02, 2013, 06:11:17 AM »
Paula,

I don't think we can go thru losing a child and not have it effect the way we handle/react to tragedy. 

I find myself getting over whelmed a lot faster than I use too.  It doesn't take much to bring tears to my eyes, and I never was a "cryer".  I always handled things internally and privately,  I don't find myself doing that much anymore.

Hope you have been well.
Love
Peggy

33
Child Loss / Re: AC's Angel Date ((Peg))
« on: June 25, 2013, 12:52:35 PM »
Thank You Terry, Your thoughts are always welcome.  My cat is acting weird today, and looking at things that I can't see. :)  I choose to beleive AC is hanging out at home today!

Love
Peggy

34
Child Loss / Re: Paula & Peggy?
« on: May 23, 2013, 10:40:36 AM »
Hi Terry,

I am still hanging around. :)   Just not in the right frame of mind to do much posting.  It seems this gets harder daily.  Summers are always bad for me.  Most people dread the holidays, I dread the warm weather.  AC's angel day is June 25, that is bad enough, but summers were when he visited the most.

Love
Peggy

35
Child Loss / Re: Death of an only child
« on: May 12, 2013, 09:37:37 AM »
Hi Thandiwe,

I too lost my only child.  Its been 11 years for me, he was 30 and died from injuries he sustained in a motorcycle accident.  Its a life I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Dealing with bi polar and all that comes with it, is hard enough, without adding the death of a child to the mix.

I too am bipolar.  I am un-medicated.  I did not like how the meds made me feel, not to mention I couldn't afford them after my divorce.  If you are medicated, sounds to me like you need to get the meds reevaluated, they aren't helping you.

The thing that saved me after AC died, and my marriage ended, was finding something that made me feel like I was still making a difference in life.  I started crocheting and made a few quilts from his biker tshirts.

Its hard to "keep moving", I had to force myself into doing "something".   Find something simple and do it a few minutes a day if nothing else.

It does not get easier, it gets different.  We all hate this life we are living.

Happy Mothers Day
Love
Peggy


36
Main / Re: (Doug's) Becky sings, All I Want for Christmas!
« on: May 02, 2013, 05:47:16 AM »
Liked her page on Facebook a while back. Beautiful voice and lyrics too!

Love
Peggy

37
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Adam! ((Paula))
« on: April 28, 2013, 05:19:18 PM »
Paula,

I'm so sorry I missed Adams birthday.  I am so glad he gave you a sign he is still with you!

Love
Peggy

38
Child Loss / Re: A picture of Adam
« on: April 01, 2013, 02:26:28 PM »
I was wondering the same thing.  I would love to see pics of all our kids.

Paula, I hope things are going better for you.

Love
Peggy



39
Child Loss / Re: Thinking outloud
« on: March 30, 2013, 12:41:12 PM »
Doug. Paula, and Terry, thank you all.  Its been a uneventful day.  But, I think AC is wandering around, something/someone keeps spooking the cat.  :laughing6: Its cloudy here in NW TN, and I wish the sun would come out.

Doug, AC and Kelly dated thru high school and on in to adult hood, but just couldn't make it work. 

Love
Peggy

40
Child Loss / Thinking outloud
« on: March 30, 2013, 05:17:25 AM »
Today is AC's 41st birthday.  After the melt down over my nephews holding their first grandchild, this morning I smiled.  As any other morning, I got up, made my coffee, fed the cat, and got on the internet.

Waiting for me were messages thinking of AC's birthday, from 2 of the girls in his life.  Kelly was his highschool sweetheart.  Jess the woman he had planned to marry when he got home from that fateful trip that took his life.

Both have gone on with life, but both still remember the man that treated them like queens.  They will never know how much it means to me, that they still remember.

All any of us want in this new life we live, is that our loved one is remembered. 

I also have to mention my sister here.  Every year for the last 11 years, on AC's birthday, I get a card from her, usually with a gift card and the note, "buy yourself something for AC's birthday".   She sends flowers on his date of death.

I feel so blessed that I have these women in my life.  It feels good to know that they loved AC enough to remember.

Love
Peggy

41
Child Loss / Re: Thinking of you all
« on: March 29, 2013, 03:55:41 PM »
Terry,

I have been almost germ phobic for years.  I say almost, cause my house ain't spotless.  :)

But, I take many precautions that many people do not even think of.  I carry antibacterial hand wipes with me, when I worked at the gas station, a  bottle of antibacterial was always handy.  I go shopping once a month, and its get what I need and get out. 

For people that don't know, money is a great spreader of anything going around.  A dollar bill can hold a virus and bacteria for up to a month.

I have to agree with the hand washing being the most defense against anything going around.  Almost 30 years ago I worked as a CNA in a nursing home.  I was one of the few that did not come down with everything that went thru, and its because I made a habit of washing my hands.

Love
Peggy

42
Sibling Loss / Re: Tony's Angel Date ((Pammy))
« on: March 29, 2013, 12:08:54 PM »
Pam,

Thinking of you and Tony today.

Love
Peggy

43
Child Loss / Re: Another first
« on: March 26, 2013, 12:07:36 PM »
Thank you Paula and Doug.  I guess I thought those bad triggers were gone.

There is so much I can laugh and smile about now, I just didn't expect to be hit by a bad trigger.

Love
Peggy

44
Child Loss / Re: Thinking of you all
« on: March 25, 2013, 03:02:10 PM »
Terry,

I have heard about that virus, glad you are better.  I had something last week, but it only lasted a few days, and that was bad enough!

Take care of yourself, and plenty of fluids!

Love
Peggy

45
Child Loss / Re: Another first
« on: March 25, 2013, 02:59:38 PM »
Terry and Pam, thank you.

Terry, I have always said, losing AC was bad enough, but at least I saw him grow into a man, many don't get that chance.  I can not imagine losing a small child, that never really got a chance in this life.

Pam, I have often asked myself what is worse, a small child losing a parent or a parent losing a child.  They are both so tragic, its not fair.

I am a bit better today.  I will climb out of this dark hole, and maybe it won't take long.

Love
Peggy

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