Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - AC Mom

Pages: 1 [2]
16
Child Loss / Am I wrong in this?
« on: December 09, 2010, 07:26:13 PM »
First let me say, i was without internet for a few weeks.  I broke down and bought me a net book! lol

AC had a daughter and another child that he considered his.  I have always had contact with the childs mother that wasn't his biologically.  The daughter is 19 now, but mentally challenged.  His biological daughter, different mother, I never really knew, I knew she existed but had no idea where she was.  Her Mom found out that AC died when she filed for child support a year after AC died.   I sent my number to her to the address the court order had for her.  She called me, and the first thing she asked when I told her he had died a year earlier in a motorcycle accident, was did he leave anything that Stephanie would be entitled too.  She never called me again.  I am very  easy to find on MySpace or Facebook, or a lot of other places on the internet.  Yet they never tried to find me.

Jump forward to about a year ago.  My sister found Stephanie on MySpace.   She sent her email, and asked if she knew who she was.  And, Stephanies Mom had told her a yr before that AC was her father, (she always thought her step father was her bio father), and her bio dad had died in 2002.  One would think that she would search us out after finding out, most kids do when they find out they have a real parent somewhere in the world.  She is 18 now, but not real mature in my opinion.

I was hesitant to contact her, so  waited about a month before I did.  After talking to her a few times.  It became obvious that she wanted AC's stuff that I have kept thru the years.  Then her Mom calls and wants me to send her a 100 bucks cause she is running out of money  for food.

So, bottom line is ...... I want nothing to do with the child, that is the daughter of my son.  He was more than a bank, and it seems thats all they want, is what they can get out  of it.

Stephanie even went as far as to post on her facebook page that she wanted the stuff so she could remember her father.  She never knew him, how is that gonna help.

Am I a terrible person for not wanting anything to do with the child my dead son fathered?

Love and hugs
Peggy




17
I wasn't real sure where to put these thoughts down at, so picked this message area, as it seemed to fit best.

As most of you know, and for those that don't, My only child was killed in a motorcycle accident in June of 2002. 

My problem seems to be, am I depressed or just sad.  I have been diagnosed for years with being bipolar II, so when ever i get down, people tend to tell me I am in a bipolar depression. 

I don't have the suicidal thoughts most bipolar have.  I have hypomania, not real mania.  Here lately I have felt down.  I tried to look at it as depression, but I don't think thats it.  I think I am just sad and maybe lonely a lot of the times.  I tell friends and family that, they tell me I need medication, I don't want medication and don't feel I need it.

I go to work when I am suppose too.  I love my job, even if dealing with the public isn't always the best thing to do.  lol  I sometimes have trouble sleeping, but I have been like that all my life.  I remember as a kid reading with a flashlight cause I couldn't sleep, and my Mom thought I should be sleeping. lol

I lost my dad to a heart attack 35 years ago, I lost my best friend from childhood, to a heart attack in 1993.  My Mom died of cancer in 1995.  My nephew took his own life in 1997, my son died in 2002.  My husband divorced me in 2004, cause I had changed too much sinse AC died.

Yes, I have been thru a lot.  But, I have always been a survivor.  I also have a great support system in my family when it comes to the losses I have had.  Unlike some family, if I want to talk about AC or my parents, we all tell happy stories, and sometimes sad ones.

This so called depression is just sadness I think.  I am content to be alone in life.  I support myself, I have good friends and a great family.  I think thru my genetic makeup, I am just a person that goes thru sad periods sometimes. 

Any input would be appreciated.

Love and Hugs
Peggy




18
Child Loss / In a place I don't like
« on: September 09, 2010, 06:05:52 PM »
This message base has been my life line the past few months, I don't post, but I read everything posted, it helps, but I am still in that bad place.

Its been a rough summer here in NW TN, lots of kids have died.  Everytime one of them dies, it seems I go back to when AC died.  It starts all over again.  Being a small community and working in  a very popular convenience store, I know most of the parents personally.  I knew the mother of the lastest tragedy real well.  She came into the store and I felt her pain immediately.  I remember when when AC died I got so tired of people asking me if I was alright, I remember telling someone I would never be alright again, but I would make it.  So, I simply asked her if she was doing okay.  Her answer was simple, I am alright considering.  I told her I had been where she was at, and she thanked me for knowing exactly how she felt. 

I am more fortunate than most, though that is a awful way say it.  This is a community that is full of parents that are in all stages of grief over the loss of a child.  Those like me, that have dealt with it for 8 years and the one just new to the grief.

I just can't get out of this slump and wondering why these things happen.  I know there is no real answer.  But, I thought putting my thoughts here might make things better in my mind.

Thank You all for listening.
Love
Peggy

19
Child Loss / June just plain sucks!
« on: June 15, 2010, 11:55:05 AM »
June is the month I dread every year.  On June 4th my son stayed the weekend with me.  On June 15, he left on a cross country motorcycle trip.  On June 20, I got the call no Mother wants to get.   On June 25th, I watched him take his last breath.

Its been 8 years, but I can remember those days like they happened yesterday.   The pain gets raw this month, I cry at anything.  I work with the public, they ask whats wrong, I have put it off to allergies a few times.  A lot of times I just tell them whats wrong.  Many shut up immediately.  Too many tell me, they have buried a child too.  I have a tendency to get pissed off at God too much during June.   My brother in law who is a minister, told me thats okay, God is use to it! lol

Thanks for listening to my thoughts!  If anyone can enlighten me on how to up upload a picture I would appreciate it.

Peggy
Mom to AC
03/30/72 - 06/25/02

20
Child Loss / New Here, Not new to the worse thing that can happen
« on: November 03, 2009, 06:43:33 AM »
I just wanted to introduce myself.  I am Peggy, my only child died 7.5 years ago after hitting a deer on his motorcycle. 

I don't use the internet much on days that I work.  I will do a "real" post later this week.

A lot has changed in the past 7.5 years, my missing AC everyday all day has not.

Take Care
Peggy

Pages: 1 [2]