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Messages - YoungerSis

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Sibling Loss / Re: Feeling resentful?
« on: August 10, 2009, 04:55:35 AM »
Just wanted to give you all an update on what happened .....

The couple came over our house and picked us up for our night out.  While I locked up the house, my husband jumped in the front seat with his friend, while I sat in the back with his wife.  We all made conversation, but nothing was said about my sister.  At one point, she said something about her sister 'getting on her nerves' after visiting her for three days, but 'oh well - she is my sister'.  I wanted to say I would rather have my sister getting on my nerves than not being around at all.

The rest of the night I avoided direct conversation with her.  We ran into some people she knew, and she introduced us as her 'friends'.  I wanted to say, 'friends' don't pretend their friend's sister never passed away!

My husband knew something was wrong all evening.  But when they drove us back to our house, he invited them in for a drink!  I was silently praying they would say no, and they did.  The next day I asked my husband if I was so wrong in feeling that she is not my friend because she never acknowledged my sister's death.  I told him that I know he has been friends with the guy for many years, but I just do not feel that his wife is any kind of friend to me.  He said he understood, but didn't want to talk about it any further.

Talk about feeling so alone in a crowd!!!

Oh well, thanks for listening.....

Sibling Loss / Re: Feeling resentful?
« on: August 07, 2009, 10:59:36 AM »
I am sorry to hear what you have been through with your in-laws.  You are right - nothing can take back the lack of acknowledgement.  It cannot be redone.  I feel guilty for harboring this resentment, but I am relieved to know that I am not alone; that I am not the first person this has happened to.

Thank you for sharing your story with me.  I can tell from your words that it still hurts, and will continue to hurt.  But please know that your words inspire me, and that I wish you peace and healing in your journey.


Sibling Loss / Re: Feeling resentful?
« on: August 07, 2009, 09:52:04 AM »
Thanks, browneyedgirl and JeanneB!  I don't feel so guilty now for feeling this way! 

browneyedgirl, I talked to my husband about it last week, and he too was surprised that they didn't at least send a card.  But he has been friends with the guy for over 30 years, and he is not one to hold a grudge.

I'm like you, JeanneB.  I am not always so forgiving!  I for one receive many blank sympathy cards from various charities, so I always have some on hand to send out.  I guess that hurts me the most - not even a card!  You're right, people I thought were friends are actually just acquaintances.  I received sympathy cards at the time of my sister's death from people that I did not expect to receive them from.

Since they initiated this 'evening out', and paid for the tickets, I guess I will take a deep breath and pray for the strength to enjoy the evening without this resentment.  I will smile to myself and know that I have true friends (besides them) who really care!

Thanks again for your responses.  I do find so much peace through this forum, and I am very grateful to have found it (and you!)

You are both always in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with your own losses. 

Sibling Loss / Feeling resentful?
« on: August 07, 2009, 07:52:49 AM »
We are supposed to get together with 'friends' tonight.  But I am feeling very resentful today! 

These so-called friends are a couple who we have known for years.  When my husband called them to tell them my sister died, they did nothing - did not come to the funeral, send me a sympathy card, or even call to express their sympathy!  He lost his first wife a few years back, and of course we went to her funeral and were there to support him.  She is a radiation therapist who had always asked about my sister and her treatment at various stages of her illness.

So what do I do tonight?  Just pretend like nothing is wrong?

Sibling Loss / Re: Something weird
« on: August 07, 2009, 07:49:16 AM »
I am sure it was very difficult to be by your sister's side, but I am sure she was very grateful for your presence.  I know you will read the letter when the time is right!  Lots of weird signs have been coming to me since my sister passed away 3 months ago (read my previous post called 'Strange thing happened...'). 

I have a copy of the DVD of memories of my sister that was made for and played at her funeral.  I cannot bring myself to view it, but I know I will when the time is right...

Sibling Loss / Re: My sister, my best friend
« on: August 03, 2009, 04:54:40 AM »
Gail08, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.  I lost my oldest sister on 4/25/09.  We were 7 years apart.  She taught me how to read before I even went to kindergarten.  She taught me how to play the piano.  Our lives drifted apart for awhile, but we became close again in the past 4 years that she has been ill.

Sibling Loss / Re: For Youngersis
« on: July 28, 2009, 10:27:45 AM »
Thank you so much for finding the poem for me!  It made me cry too.  I will definitely share it with my mom.

You're right, there haven't been many posts on this sibling forum lately.  Maybe people are busy with summer activities and vacations....

But it does help me to read and post, as I hope it is helping you in the healing process.

Sibling Loss / Re: my mom
« on: July 28, 2009, 05:59:27 AM »
I am sorry that your mom is so sad!  I'm sure there is nothing worse than losing a child - wondering what you could have done to save him/her, etc.

I can relate to what you are seeing.  I saw my mom last week - she barely ate, and looked so sad.  I know she (and my dad) are trying to be strong, but I can feel the sadness in the air when I am with them, despite the conversation and laughs.

Do you have a copy of the poem that you mentioned?  I would like to read it and maybe share it with my mom if you do.  Thanks.

Sibling Loss / Re: July 20th
« on: July 20, 2009, 07:27:19 AM »
I am thinking of you today, July 20th, and hope the day brings you a little peace. 

My sister's birthday is not until next February.  I have already decided to donate to the hospice every year around her birthday.  My other sister had suggested a get together, but we will see when the time comes. 

Releasing the balloons sounds like such a symbolic and wonderful idea! 

Please let me know how things go today.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sibling Loss / Beautiful sunrise
« on: July 15, 2009, 11:29:21 AM »
This morning I got up for work, and looked outside at the most beautiful sunrise and magenta sky that I had ever seen!  Suddenly I felt a warm feeling like my sister was experiencing that same beauty, and it really made me feel so good.  I actually felt energetic and enthusiastic about my work again today, as I had not in so many weeks. 

I just wanted to share this with all of you.  Maybe it is these small things- like the beautiful sunrise, or an insight received from someone on this web forum - that can help us each through another day despite our grief.

My prayers are with all of you!

Sibling Loss / Re: Strange thing happened ...
« on: July 09, 2009, 05:05:02 AM »
Thanks for your take on this, Lauren!  It is creeping me out!  I have put the card away for now, and am trying not to think about it. 

I have been meaning to send a note to the address from which it came, asking how they got my name and address!

Sibling Loss / Re: Having Such a Hard Time
« on: July 09, 2009, 05:03:21 AM »
I am sure it is difficult with your sister's children needing support, and God bless your parents for raising them.  I am in a similar situation - my parents (in their 80's) are helping my sister's children since their dad is not in their lives at all.

I do like the saying also about grief being "waves".  I thought I was doing so well, and I am having a bad week for some reason.

Main / Re: Am I doing my grief "correctly"?
« on: July 08, 2009, 11:09:21 AM »
Wow, am I glad I read your thoughts today!  (I am usually in the Sibling Loss forum, but I wandered into the main discussion board).

I have been sitting here thinking I am doing something wrong - or nothing right!  I feel like I need some kind of 'instruction manual' to tell me that in 2.5 days I will have my energy and motivation back.  I feel that something is wrong with me because I am not crying on a daily basis like my sister or my mom.  Are they grieving correctly and I am not?

SunLilly, I appreciate what you said about doing what it takes to get through the next minutes, hour, day.  If I look at it that way, it makes me feel alot better!

Sibling Loss / Angry today!
« on: July 08, 2009, 06:04:25 AM »
Today I am really angry!  I found out that my brother-in-law is already seeing another woman, and my sister has only been gone a little over two months!!!

Main / Re: Angry again....
« on: July 07, 2009, 05:59:10 AM »
It is good to read about others' anger, so I know I am not going crazy.  My sister has been gone a little over two months' now.  I am angry everytime I hear about new cancer treatments and options ---- why couldn't they find one for her?  I feel guilty that my crying has subsided and I actually am having a good summer.  I feel angry that no one asks how I am doing anymore.  I am angry because I feel that I am not grieving "correctly". 

I agree with you, k80.  I feel that some degree of acceptance on my part (while others are still crying and grieving outwardly) means that my sister is just a person of the past now.

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