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Messages - ScottW

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Sibling Loss / Re: For Youngersis
« on: July 28, 2009, 03:02:10 PM »
Thanks for posting (ignore my message on your 'other post').  That is a very powerful piece.  I feel like I could substiute "man" for "woman" and "sister" for "child" and it fits me to a T.

My sister, Jori, has now been gone for eight months (she was my best friend).  It is strange to even write that.  I don't think my mom could handle that poem - not yet; but thank you for sharing it (like I said, it 'works for me').


Sibling Loss / Re: my mom
« on: July 28, 2009, 02:57:22 PM »
Does anyone have access to that poem?  I would love to see / read it.  My best to you and your family (to ALL of you and ALL of your families).  Scott

Main / Re: a night at the hospital
« on: July 15, 2009, 01:03:03 PM »
Glad to hear everything is ok - you deserve(d) a break!

Sibling Loss / Re: Having Such a Hard Time
« on: July 08, 2009, 03:20:39 PM »
Thank you Georgia.  That is a very very thoughtful thing to say and I appreciate it more than you could imagine.

Sibling Loss / Re: Having Such a Hard Time
« on: July 06, 2009, 09:15:15 AM »
Georgia and Terri - thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.  As I find myself saying very often (and perhaps you feel the same way?), it's just nice to know that someone is 'still' thinking about me and understands the pain I'm going through. 

Terri - I believe I am going to print out your saying about "grief and waves" -- as a lawyer (by training, I don't practice any more), that seems to bring some logic to this process; I needed that.  Thank you.

Just to give you a little more insight into my life, my parents are now raising my nephews (8 and 10).  Their dad (Jori's ex-husband) is . . . let's just say we're all better off without him in our lives (unless and until, he cleans himself up).  My parent's now have legal guardianship (at ages 63 and 66 - how amazing of them, eh?).  We are "working as a Village", it's just so hard to 'celebrate' ANYTHING without wishing Jori was with us . . . hopefully she is.

Thanks again -

Main / Re: Smiling is healing
« on: July 02, 2009, 02:49:20 PM »
Thank you.  I needed that.

Sibling Loss / Having Such a Hard Time
« on: July 02, 2009, 02:13:40 PM »
This past Monday marks 7 months since my sister passed away (20 days short of her 40th birthday).  I didn't even realize it was the 'anniversary' until my mom said something. We both cried a lot.  I'm just having such a hard time this week.  I can't believe it's been 7 months.  If someone was to have asked (and I didn't think about it) - I would've said 4 months - tops. 

Over the past couple of months, the 'bad weeks' HAD turned into 'bad days'.  This is my first bad WEEK in a long time.  I just miss her so much and I am so so sad.

I know that life will never be the same. I know that I will never 'get over this'.  I know there's nothing anyone out here can really say to help me.

I guess I just 'needed the world to know', "I miss you so much Jori . . . I hope you have peace . . . please take care of all of us."

Sibling Loss / Re: Advice on Professional Therapy
« on: April 29, 2009, 09:44:11 AM »
Hello all.  Thank you for all of your thoughtful responses.  It is comforting in and of itself to know that there are people out there who 'really understand'.  Seeing as though you all took the time to address my questions, I thought that you all 'deserved' an update from me.  I had an appointment with a psychiatrist this morning.  When I left the house I said good-bye to my wife and son and told them (sarcastically) that I was going to waste my time and some of our money.

Well . . . I couldn't have been more wrong.  I met with an amazing woman this morning and for the first time I feel some 'hope'.  Previously I have seen a 'therapist' and an M.D. separately to deal with the verbal versus the meds.  I finally found an 'all in one package'.  I do not want to go on meds but if - through our talks - we deem it necessary, it's nice to know that she will really understand why I need the medication (even if temporarily).  Anyway, as I've said, I've been to many therapists.  I've NEVER had a therapist or doctor say to me, "I want to touch base EVERY DAY".  I am supposed to page her in the morning, she will return the call later -- just to 'check in'.

I have my next appointment in 2 days . . . who would've thunk it?

Thanks again everyone.

Sibling Loss / Re: Advice on Professional Therapy
« on: April 27, 2009, 12:52:32 PM »
Thank you for your response, Sad Eyes.  What a nightmare you've been through - probably still going through - I'm so sorry for you.  I'm going to try a different therapist (I promised my wife), we'll see if I can find some semblance of peace; or at least stability.  I was on the verge of being unable to function this past weekend.  Having a 13 month old son at home doesn't give me that luxury.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.


Sibling Loss / Advice on Professional Therapy
« on: April 27, 2009, 06:43:52 AM »
Hello all.  I posted below "How long until I feel better".  Thank you for those who replied.  I have a history of seeing a therparist well before the death of my sister.  I've seen many and over the past several years I have found someone who has helped me through many personal issues.  However, now that "we're dealing with the loss of my sister" it just seems hopeless.  What is she going to possibly say to me that would make me feel any better?!

I'm just wondering what people's experience has been relative to professional therapy, dealing with the loss of a sibling and when it might be 'work'; or if it's really an exercise in futility.  What about medication . . . has anyone gone that route?

Thank you in advance for your response(s).

Sibling Loss / How long until I feel better?
« on: April 24, 2009, 08:50:16 AM »
On 11/29/08, my sister died in her sleep - 3 weeks shy of her 40th birthday.  She had not been taking care of herself.  She was going through a painful divorce from an abusive (not physicially) alcoholic.  Toxicology revealed that a combination of prescription medications led to her death.  We are certain that this was not 'intentional'.  My sister left behind two boys (ten and eight); my parntes (in their mid-60s) are now the boys' legal guardians.  All of our lives have effectively revolved around my sister's since her kids were born.  My sister was two years older than me (I am a male) and she was my best friend.  Nearly 700 people attended her funeral - she was loved by everyone.

When we (my mom, cousin and me) went to clean out my sister's home, we were just flabbergasted by the condition of her home.  It was messy . . . and it was dirty.  This was not 'my sister'.  I knew she was going through a particularly rough period.  I begged her to see her psychiatrist.  I even phoned her psychiatrist because I was so worried.  She was on anti-depressants and, having been there, I knew that she needed her meds adjusted.  I lent my sister money, I tried to do everything I could to help her . . . but what more could I have done?!

I have a 13 month old son and I cannot get my head around the fact that he will never know his aunt.  I have some video of them playing together (when my son was 6 months old) and I will always treasure it.  Over the past five months I have pretty much been 'in hibernation' - I don't want to talk to nor see anyone (but my family).  Some of the shock and numbness is wearing off and I'm so sad and so . . . angry.  I know it may not seem obvious but, again, this was not a suicide - it was an accident.  I know this b/c the combination of drugs in her system was not unlike the combo (I've learned) she had taken many times.  Her doctor told her she needed to change medications because of her high blood pressure - she just ignored him!  I now realize that we 'lost my sister' well before she passed away.

Some days are better than others - some nights I have complete meltdowns and then it takes a few days 'to recover'.  I just miss her so much and don't understand how I'm going to continue to live my life . . . we all say - "Thank G-d for my son" - he keeps us going.

I just want some of the pain to end - when does it start to get better?!

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