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Topics - ScottW

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Sibling Loss / Hello All
« on: October 09, 2017, 02:39:33 PM »
Hoping that no news / no posts means that all of my old, new and dear friends here are doing . . . well.  Wanted you all to know that I'm thinking about you.


Sibling Loss / Need Someone To Talk To
« on: September 24, 2014, 09:39:49 AM »
I've really been doing pretty well over the past couple of years.  However, right now, I'm having a lot of troubles (my career, my marriage, my life).  I don't know how many of you feel this way but, to me, I never want to 'bitch' about my relationship (or my wife) to my friends.  It's too personal.  The only person that I ever felt comfortable with, re: discussing this stuff was my sister, Jori.

I need so badly to talk to her, to get some things off of my chest, to get some feedback.  I feel like my life is falling apart because I have no one to talk to about some real problems (problems that I can't share with my wife).  I know that this sounds awful, I know that there should be no secrets in a marriage . . .

Just frustrated, upset, really sad, and having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that "this is how it is" . . . and "this is how it forever will be".

Sibling Loss / A Nice Mother's Day Story
« on: May 13, 2014, 10:15:48 PM »
So my family and I went to my parents' house for Mother's Day.  Those of you who know me know that my parents are raising my nephews, Jori's boys, Bryce and Sean.

There is a nice sized pond behind their home.  Bryce took my oldest son, Sidney, to the pond to go fishing. After a while, I walked out with my two younger kids.  Suffice it to say, the fish were not biting but we were all having a nice time.

It was about time to go back inside. I said to my kids, "when Bryce casts this time, let's all yell, 'catch a fish'", so we all yelled.  Then we all crouched down really quiet and watched and waited.  I looked at Bryce and said, "could you imagine if you really caught one right now?".

You guessed it. Not 5 seconds later, Bryce shouts, "I got one" and proceeds to reel in a small bass. 

I said, to Bryce, "that's your mom saying hello". He just looked at me (with such excitement from the catch). I said, "I know, I don't know if I believe it either, but I want to".

The 5 of us were all so excited. Truly a memory for a lifetime.

Best to you all,

Sibling Loss / Now . . . not sad enough?!
« on: December 20, 2013, 08:50:32 PM »
So, the subject line of my last post was, "so sad".  Now, I feel like I'm going crazy.  Today would have been Jori's 45th birthday.  This day has been a really tough one for me over the past 5 years.  But today, it just seemed like another day. Maybe that's healing but it's really giving me a feeling of guilt and I'm confused.

There has been so much going on in my life.  I started getting really depressed a few weeks before Thanksgiving (Jori died the Saturday after Thanksgiving, November 29).  Then, on the 22nd of November this year, out of nowhere, my cousin, Kim, was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer (it spread to her liver).  I am very close with Kim and she is very, very close with Bryce and Sean (Jori's boys).  Too much. With all of the concern about Kim, I was completely overwhelmed. At the same time, I was concerned that Jori didn't "get her due". Sound crazy?

Kim had surgery last week.  Tumor in her colon and tumors on her liver were removed. We do have hope.  She will start chemo in a few weeks and then it's "test, wait, and see".

To top it off, I am busier right now professionally than I've been in 4+ years. This is a very good thing on many levels but i think it has prevented me from processing / feeling the way I normally do, today, this time of year, etc..  It's all just really confusing to me.  I don't want to forget about Jori, I don't want anyone to forget about Jori.  My head is spinning.

Thanks for "listening".  Happy holidays to all (whatever that means, right?).


Sibling Loss / Just Sad
« on: November 06, 2013, 03:04:11 PM »
I'm not even certain what to write . . . or whether I 'want' to write.  I just know that I usually feel a bit better after spending some time here.  I'm having a really hard time right now.  I really feel angry.  At Jori?  At life?  At the world . . .

It's got to get easier (easier than this).  I miss my sister.

January 1 cannot get here soon enough.

Sibling Loss / Keeping Track of Time
« on: July 24, 2013, 07:46:38 PM »
For me, every memory I have is qualified with "before Jori died" or "after Jori died".  Unfathomable to think that it's been almost 5 years. Sometimes it feels like 25 years, sometimes it feels like 5 days. Time is a mysterious thing.

Do others here share this sentiment?

I don't write here often, but "you all" should know that I don't if I'd still be around without you. What a truly amazing source of support . . . and friendship. Thank you.

Sibling Loss / Here We Go . . .
« on: November 10, 2011, 01:43:51 PM »
Hello old friends.  Sorry, it's been a while.  This past year has been quite a whirlwind.  My third child is 6 weeks old.  Evie Shoshana (Jori's Hebrew name) joins her brothers Jared (18 months) and Sidney (3 1/2).   We're also in the process of selling our home and buying another (cost savings).

Around this time last year (acutally right at Thanksgiving - the two year anniversary of Jori's death), I really 'went off the deep end'.  I ended up in very intensive in-patient therapy and - over the past 9 months - I've been feeling better than I ever have in life.

Now (literally today), I see the gray sky and the snow beginning to fall (Chicago) . . . I see it's 'that time of the year' again.  November 29 will be three years.  Thanksgiving, the holidays, Jori's birthday (12/20), her two sons' birthdays, my birthday . . . I'm getting nervous.  I'm getting sad.

Sometimes it's like Jori was never here.  It seems so long ago that we were able to speak.  Sometimes, I think it's her calling on the phone.  Anyway, just glad I have a place to voice my feelings.  Thanks for listening - or at least reading . . .

Sibling Loss / Feeling Numb . . . and Scared
« on: November 23, 2010, 02:10:44 PM »
While the date of my sister Jori's death was November 29, it will always be remembered as the "Saturday after Thanksgiving".  Obviously, that date is fast approaching.  For several months I was having a VERY difficult time . . . VERY sad, angry, etc.

Now, over the past couple of weeks, I am feeling more numb than anything else.  There is an overarching sadness to my being, but it is not the 'pain' I've had nor that I expect to have.  Some may think this is lucky, but it is making me CRAZY.  I feel like I'm not 'giving Jori her due'.

You should know, on a very personal level, that I have been taking meds for a while to try to get my emotions under control.   When I was going through this last 'rough patch', we 'adjusted my meds'.  I don't know if this numbness is a result of that . . . or something else completely.  If it's the meds, I don't know if I want them.

Do I sound crazy??  Has anyone else experienced anything like this?  Now I'm freaking out because I'm not freaking out . . . just can't win!

Sibling Loss / What do you know?!
« on: November 18, 2010, 03:38:12 PM »
I'm no longer a 'newbie'!!

(Thought we could all use a little smile).


Sibling Loss / Just so sad . . .
« on: November 04, 2010, 10:06:48 AM »
Approaching 2 years since we lost her, I find I cannot think about anything but my sister (Jori).  Anytime my mind is not completely occupied, I am just so sad.  I haven't been crying, I just feel like I'm in a state of dispair.

I know this must have a lot to do with the 'anniversary' approaching (Jori passed away the Saturday after Thanksgiving '08), the 'holidays' coming, my birthday approaching ("Big 4-0"), the fact that I'm about to be 'older' than my big sister. 

As I write this, I am literally staring at the screen between thoughts . . . drifting.  I have a loving, caring, giving wife and two beautiful boys (2 1/2 and 6 mos.), my parents and two great (and STRONG) nephews (10 and 12) . . .
. . . I have never felf more alone in my entire life.

Thanks for the space to express this . . .

Sibling Loss / Another Loss
« on: August 31, 2010, 01:41:19 PM »
My beautiful sister, Jori, who died in November, 2008 left behind 2 gorgeous children.  My nephews (now 9 and 11) have been the centerpiece in my family's life for about a decade.  Now that I have a family of my own, that 'circle' has grown, but I have always had an extraordinary relationship with 'the boys'.  Jori's ex-husband (Eric) was an alcoholic and (expecially towards the end) tormented Jori with verbal abuse. 

After Jori died, my parents obtained custody (with the blessing of Eric) of the kids.  For about 16 months there was NO communication from Eric.  We knew he was 'in a bad place', we knew he was in and out of jail (simply for missing court appearances) and re-hab.  About 8-10 weeks ago, Eric re-surfaced.  Though he looked unhealthy (very yellow), he was sober and he was trying.  He began attending the kids' baseball games and going to lunch (my nephews demanded that my parents be present).  Just last week, the boys finally decided that they would be 'willing' to go to dinner alone with their father.

Well . . . last Wednesday, Eric was found dead in his home (liver failure).  The funeral was yesterday.  The first thing my oldest nephew asked is, "Does this mean we're orphans now?". This surreal 'episode of life' just doesn't seem to want to end.  These poor boys, it's just so sad.  I have had a burning anger for some time, so this event brought up so many mixed emotions for me.  I've known Eric's sister for over 30 years so I attended the wake and funeral; for their family and 'for the boys'. 

I guess it really boils down to the fact that I'm angry.  I know it sounds so harsh and unfeeling but I KNOW that had Eric died 2 years ao, my sister would still be alive today.  Jori did not commit suicide but his constant belittling and tormenting led her to make decisions that she otherwise would not have made . . . he truly made her crazy.

I guess I'm babbling, but it's nice to have a place to do it.  Thanks.

Sibling Loss / Just Having a Bad Day
« on: August 12, 2010, 12:03:27 PM »
My wife and I have two beautiful healthy 'baby boys' (3 1/2 months; and a 2 1/2 year old) . . . For the past year and a half all I could think about was how my children would "never know their Auntie Jori". 

Lately, I'm just so upset, angry, distraught because I need my sister so much right now.  She had two boys (they are now being raised by my amazing parents) . . . there are so many things I want to ask her about parenting, about developmental stages, about life . . .

It's one thing to talk to your (my) parents about raising children, it's quite another to be able to talk to your contemporary, your sister, your best friend. 

The whole in my heart just feels extremely large these days.

Thanks for understanding,

Sibling Loss / There was nobody like my big sister
« on: January 08, 2010, 11:19:23 AM »
We had such a wonderful - and unique - relationship for a brother and sister.  We NEVER fought.  She would always help me when I couldn't remember the names of relatives (we would laugh our butts off - people I've known for 35+ years).  She would let me complain about my in-laws and get angry at them with me (then we'd laugh and laugh).

Now I need her for advice about raising my son (he's now 22 months old) and she's not here; she's supposed to be here . . .

I miss her so much and just feel CHEATED!!

Thank "you" for letting me get this out.  I think I've been 'under the covers' for too long and I needed to vent a little bit.

Sibling Loss / Almost Unbearable
« on: September 24, 2009, 02:52:14 PM »
My sister passed away in her sleep and unexpectedly last November, one month shy of her 40th birthday.  The 'bad weeks' had turned into 'bad days' but this past week and 1/2 has been almost unbearable.  I am feeling so sad and hopeless.  We just found out that my wife is pregnant with our second child (we've been trying for almost a year) and I can't find the excitement.

We are celebrating the Jewish high holidays now and not having my sister around (Jori) is just . . . unfathomable.  All of our 'inside jokes' during dinner, making fun of my in-laws (shhhhh) . . . it just feels like too much and I don't see it ending.

Plus now my parents are raising my nephews (8 and 10) - it is an extraordinary thing for them to take this on.  HOWEVER, my dad was not always the 'greatest parent' - he did the best he could but he was often hard on me (with sports) and hard on Jori (she had a weight problem).  Now I am seeing these behaviors transpire again before my eyes, I swear it is like a Shakespearean tragedy that I have to live - and see - it again.  I've talked to my dad about how he has to be different (re: the sports) but now I see him dealing with the 'food isssues' again and I get a shiver down my spine.

I know this is just a ramble but I know someone here (all of you here?) must understand at least parts of this.  I am in counseling and am going to begin taking medication (I bet a bunch of you are thinking right now, "Thank G-d, he's nuts"  . . . semi-smile).

Thanks for allowing me to 'sound off'.

Sibling Loss / Having Such a Hard Time
« on: July 02, 2009, 02:13:40 PM »
This past Monday marks 7 months since my sister passed away (20 days short of her 40th birthday).  I didn't even realize it was the 'anniversary' until my mom said something. We both cried a lot.  I'm just having such a hard time this week.  I can't believe it's been 7 months.  If someone was to have asked (and I didn't think about it) - I would've said 4 months - tops. 

Over the past couple of months, the 'bad weeks' HAD turned into 'bad days'.  This is my first bad WEEK in a long time.  I just miss her so much and I am so so sad.

I know that life will never be the same. I know that I will never 'get over this'.  I know there's nothing anyone out here can really say to help me.

I guess I just 'needed the world to know', "I miss you so much Jori . . . I hope you have peace . . . please take care of all of us."

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