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Messages - Michelle C

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61
Main / Re: We had Garys funeral yesterday
« on: January 29, 2009, 05:20:03 PM »
my prayers are headed your way...

62
Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 29, 2009, 05:10:21 PM »
Carrie....

where do I start....we started dating in Sept of 1999...We worked at the same post office...He used to bug me everyday ;D..... He finally heard someone say my name... He would say Michelle this and Michelle that... I would try to ignore him but he was EVERYWHERE...Every morning he would ask me if I needed a ride home...Finally one day he asked me if I wanted to take lunch w/ him.. and I said yes!!... We have been together ever since...I think we both worked so many hours those first 4 years just so that we could be together... We were almost in a higher tax bracket..lol...When we would see each other he would say, "tell me something I dont know" and I would tell him a new secret about myself.. This went on until the end....

He too was into his muscles and into God... He was about 210...He loved his motorcycle...He finally talked me into riding with him and surprising I love it.. He also got me into working out....And studying God more.. We started attending church and things were falling into place...

He would call me his angel but I really believe he was mine...I adored him!!!

Everyday he would say... did I tell u that I loved u today.. and I would laugh b/cuz he told me that non-stop...Those are the things that I miss the most... The late night talks and the little secrets that we shared...

I can go on and on.... (can u tell...lol)

63
Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 28, 2009, 06:40:18 PM »
Carrie... I think that ppl really do not know what to say..It drives me nuts to listen to some of their "support talks"... How can we even begin to live again when we feel so empty!! I have learned to tune them out!!.. So should u...

64
Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 28, 2009, 05:58:24 PM »
Terri.. Thanks for the kind words... It is truely a blessing to have my new family (all of u) support me... Nobody knows how this feels unless they have walked in our shoes.. My boss is telling me to except things and go forward but I am not ready to do that... I just want to rewind the clock and begin this year over again.. New outcomes... New theme... It feels like I am on a merry-go-round and I am dizzy!!! I think I have had one ok day this week.. but some how my mind begins to wonder and I am back in the hospital watching it over and over and over again... my brain can not understand "these are his final hours" not when he was talking in the ER... One hour gap and life changed forever....

65
Main / Re: My husband is gone
« on: January 27, 2009, 05:34:45 PM »
Sorry to hear about ur loss... I too lost my honey this year 01/06/09...and so far this site has been my only source of hope... (other than God) It's a terrible way to meet ppl but its nice to know that someone relates to my pain... It's to soon for me to really prep u when I am still going through the down side myself but just know that u will be in the prayers and thoughts... Be strong sis

66
Main / Re: HOW DO I GO ON? I OFTEN WISH IT WAS ME INSTEAD WHO LEFT
« on: January 26, 2009, 04:21:46 PM »
Carrie I feel that way too..Ur Laurence was ur everything....Why did that cancer thing have to take my clarence and ur Laurence away???. .. everything u feel... I feel.... I am so sorry for ur loss...
and for the record... I used to be a cheerleader... I can still do a kick ;)

67
Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 26, 2009, 04:13:34 PM »
Today I came home for lunch (as I did most everyday while he was sick) and when i went back to work... I was crying my eyes out and when my supervisor saw this he told me that I will have to free Clarence's spirit and that I can not bring him back etc... I wanted to scream at him... I am sick of ppl telling me to let it go.. it's only been 20 DAYS!!!... I want my life back!!  I am sick of hearing ur still young.... and the worst one yet is... Life in Life out. You see I had a granddaughter born the week before....As much as I love my granddaughter... I want my other life back... I did not raise my hand and say that I wanted a switch...I did not want to replace a NEW with my OLD... I love my old life.... I am so confused right now

68
Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 24, 2009, 09:09:11 PM »
Thanks for all of the kind words.. Today was very hard!! I am tired of playing the role of being ok.. When I really am not. I wish that I could turn off my brain.. I hate to think.. Before he died I asked him if he thought about his illness 24/7 and he said yes.. I really couldnt understand but now I do b/cuz all I do is think about him.. I started to write down my feelings but they are so mixed up... I havent had a good day yet... I just miss his little sayings... I didnt realize that he had lost that much weight until I looked back over the pictures...I still thought he looked wonderful... He prepared me for his death... He prepared me to be strong.... I told him that I would miss him everyday and I do... If I could have taken just a little pain from him that day...The look in his eyes told me that he understood... We prayed together and he told me that he was coming home.. I just didnt understand that he meant to God's house.. NOT ours... My friends are going on vacation and drinking wine with their husbands and I am sitting here alone wondering why...

69
Main / My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 23, 2009, 08:43:02 PM »
There is not one minute of the day that goes by without me thinking of my clarence... We were perfect together. He was the piece I was missing.We started dating 10 years ago... and was together all the way up to his last breath. He died from liver cancer... The doctors said that he had up to a year to live but he only lived 4 months. Even on the last day, I couldnt believe that he was really leaving me... No words left unspoken between us.. Love was a big part of our relationship. He reminded me everyday just how much I meant to him and just how blessed he was to have me... I was his world and he was my everything. Now I am empty.. I come home to an empty house.. I wake up to an empty bed.. I go to work feeling empty inside and I hate my life right now.. How does this work?? How can ppl be so happy when I am sick inside?? Life just goes on.. but it seems like my ended at 7:05pm on 01/06/2009

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