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Messages - Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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16
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Adam!
« on: September 06, 2017, 09:08:04 AM »
TU Terry.
I've been dreaming of Adam a lot since August.
XO

17
Child Loss / Re: Happy Mother's Day to our Moms!
« on: September 06, 2017, 09:07:18 AM »
Amen.
Hugs to you Terry XO

18
Child Loss / 11 years today
« on: September 06, 2017, 09:06:27 AM »
"I take my son by the hand and lead him to you, God of love. Here is Adam Daniel. Accept my love and thanksgiving as I entrust him into your loving care. I want him to be free to be at home with you. I ask that you save a place for me there beside him and that you be my loving presence in all the lonely moments that await me. I ask that you fill me with motivation and energy in the days ahead when I feel like giving up; remind me often of my true homeland when I am caught up in the desolation of the journey. Help me to find joy in the people, events, and the beauty of nature that surround me. Thank you for the gift of my son in this life. I want to believe that we will celebrate the treasure of our love again, when we are both in your presence forever. May this truth sustain me in the days to come. Take my sad and aching heart and comfort me. Comfort me, for I can only feel hollowness and emptiness God of the sorrowing, draw near! Amen." 11 years today. My heart feels even heavier than usual on Adam's angelversary date.

19
Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday, precious Jeff
« on: April 20, 2017, 09:08:13 AM »
((Hugs)) to my Sister-in-grief. Our lives have never been the same since our angels have left us.

20
Child Loss / Re: ((((Paula))))
« on: April 20, 2017, 09:06:37 AM »
Hi Terry,
Feeling very blue now as Kate has been arrested on drug possession as of 4 a.m., just out on a 5G bond posted by us last week for shoplifting. So, that is the short answer to your query.
Otherwise life is good. In Nov. my eldest and his wife had a baby boy on 11/23, Henry. So he, & Ellyn complete our lives. Josh is engaged to Gabbi and they are wedding venue shopping. Craig's health is not the best, but he is a trooper and keeps on going on. The heartache of losing Adam and K's continuous issues will probably be the demise of us faster than any other health related issue.
Sorry, I have not been on in a super long time.
I promise to check in more.
How's by you Terry?
XO

21
Child Loss / Re: Very blue
« on: September 18, 2016, 03:40:26 AM »
TU for reaching out to me. Occasions are hurtful reminders of times when our angels were alive.

22
Child Loss / Re: Feeling lost 3 years later
« on: September 18, 2016, 03:38:29 AM »
((Hugs)) Melissa.
I'm so sorry for your pain. Having lost a child to addiction and having another struggle with it I so understand. I just (after 10 years) purged all of my late son's belongings and for me it was a cathartic experience. If & when you feel the time is ready to do so, you will know.
Not that it ever gets easier but as time goes further on from the day they departed from this world I found that the edges are not as raw & I can function better.
My hubby & I went through some real rough patches too, I think that is not all too uncommon.
I went for a lot of counseling, meds, I tried whatever I could to try to help myself find some peace. My husband didn't. People grieve differently. He drank & ate, I ate. Sleeping a lot was a solace for us because we both felt terminally tired. Even now he rests more than I do. Working became difficult for us and ultimately we both retired. Now we spend 24/7 together and that is a big adjustment. I became uber busy with new hobbies and socializing (only with people that were supportive). He has  not. I hope that in time, you both will find your way and each other.
People like you & I, losing a child to addiction and then seeing another one on the same path, I think is a double whammy because you feel so shaken from the one demise and can't help but worry that you will lose the other addicted child as well.
There are people on this board and other grief places I have attended that have lost more than one child. I think that losing one is unbearable and yet these people survive.
You are doing the right thing, coming to this board to reach out. Ten years later I still check in and vent, and try to lend support to others.
I hope that your pain abates and know that you are not alone.
Your sister-in-grief,
Paula

23
Child Loss / Re: Remembering Jimmy
« on: September 09, 2016, 02:15:52 PM »
I'm glad that you had a "good" day, under the circumstances.
((Hugs))

24
Child Loss / Re: Remembering Adam
« on: September 09, 2016, 02:15:00 PM »
TU Barb0617

25
Child Loss / Re: Remembering Jimmy
« on: September 08, 2016, 10:15:29 AM »
((Hugs))

26
Child Loss / Re: After almost 20 years
« on: September 08, 2016, 10:14:54 AM »
((Hugs))

27
Child Loss / Re: Very blue
« on: September 06, 2016, 06:34:22 PM »
TU Terry & Barb0617. It's terrible that we share this child loss commonality. I truly appreciate your hearts and reaching out to me.

28
Child Loss / Re: Remembering Adam
« on: September 06, 2016, 06:31:46 PM »
TU Terry for remembering Adam. The idea that it is 10 years is like an impossibility. Not an easy time leading up to this day. Today is very upsetting.

29
Child Loss / Very blue
« on: August 30, 2016, 12:05:00 PM »
I come to the site and don't see the activity here that I was used to seeing in the early days of my child loss. I wonder why? I hope that people are not losing children, that they are finding immediate help and coping better.
My Kaiti remains in prison and the wheels of justice grind very slowly. She has completed her parole violation and yet they will not release her. It is a cluster fu*k. I've been calling everyone and yesterday reached out to Albany where the head honcho's of Parole work. Maybe the lady I spoke to you yesterday will be able to unravel this mess and aid us. We are welcoming, once again, Kaiti into our home, this time it will be in Fl. where will be residing full time shortly. I can only hope & pray that G-d will intervene and instill her with a sense of peace so she doesn't need to seek it in the solace of heroin, lying & stealing.
Adam's 10th heavenly anniversary (9/6) is rapidly approaching, as as usual, I am quickly dissolving into a bucket of tears. I recall when Dena, our former moderator, posted about the 10th heavenly anniversary of her beloved son Josh, and I thought such a long time...and now, seemingly in a blink of an eye, here I am too.
The decision to move to Fl. came fairly lightly, but the process of selling, giving away, donating my life is very emotional. Photograph albums are a destroyer...seeing pictures of my Adam & Kaiti...unaware of what hardballs life would dish out to us. Sadness over missing my parents and inlaws. I'm just a weepy mess.
Craig's been out of work for 2+ years now and we are spending 24/7 together and that is a difficult transition. I'm finding fault with him and he with me. I don't understand why 2 people who love one another, made a life together, cannot truly communicate and accept one another.
So many fairy tale endings do not come to be.
Sad, very sad, I am today.
Your sister-in-grief,
Paula

30
Child Loss / Re: Lost my babygirl and can't cope
« on: August 30, 2016, 11:55:24 AM »
As I'm sitting here teary eyed & about to post, I read your post. If your family & friends don't want to talk about your baby and your feelings please find a therapist and a group. I've done grief therapy and I can truly say that it helps.
Time is a friend to a grieving parent. The pain never goes away however, for me, it has softened the raw & rough edges for me, most of the time.
Sending you healing thoughts, hugs and prayers,
Adam's Mama Paula

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