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Topics - Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Child Loss / Just call me Bubbe
« on: June 02, 2014, 06:28:42 PM »
On Thurs. evening, May 29, 2014, at 9:16 p.m. a beautiful new angel entered my world. My 1st and only granddaughter, Ellyn (Ellie) Grace, weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs. and 20.5" long.
I am one thrilled woman!
XO Paula

Child Loss / Adam
« on: April 26, 2014, 03:52:46 PM »
Happy 32nd birthday Adam. You left us at age 24. I love you.
XO Mommy XO

Child Loss / Easter 2014
« on: April 19, 2014, 09:40:13 PM »
Happy Easter to all who celebrate.
In my household we celebrate the Jewish and Christian holidays as we are a "mixed' couple.
I have many fond memories of my kids with Easter. Now with Matthew & his wife living so far away, Adam deceased, Kaitlin away it'll be only my youngest home for the holiday. Times have certainly changed. We can refuse to accept or accept life and its changes and move along with it.
I think that holidays are hard for us the bereaved parents, remembering days gone by and the intense longing for what we can no longer have-holidays are a reminder of this.
I hope that your treasured memories bring you peace and that you receive a heavenly sign from your beloved angel.

Child Loss / Happy 2014 Pesach
« on: April 14, 2014, 07:38:49 AM »
Good wishes are for those who celebrate Passover.
I have fond memories of holidays past when my 4 children were together along with my folks. I mourn the passing of my son and parents however wouldn't part with those treasured memories for all the monies in the world!
XO Paula

Child Loss / Christina and Adam (ABCD Forever)
« on: March 14, 2014, 05:15:55 AM »
Adam's long time gf is getting married today. I'm OK with that however it just brings up a reminder how other people in his live move on, get older and he can never.

Child Loss / Valentines Day 2014
« on: February 14, 2014, 10:18:03 AM »
I wish for this board of broken hearts a healing wash of love to come over you and seal it with healing powerful memories.
I miss and long for  my Adam the way each and every one of you miss and long for your loved one. I am going to do something that I know would give me some peace and pay homage to my son. I will go to my favorite card store and pick out a card that speaks to me and write loving thoughts to Adam. I will go to the florist where my daughter is supported and has a job waiting for her and pick out a sunflower since that is my flower for him (sun-son) and bring it to his final resting place. I will be comforted by doing these things and being as physically close to Adam as I can possibly be.
Sending you all my love and hopes that your hearts will swell with loving memories today,
Your sister-in-grief,

Child Loss / 2014
« on: December 29, 2013, 02:06:16 PM »
New Year Greetings to all!
I wish all of you a new year that is free from the crushing pain of losing a child; wishing that it abates and you can find some peace in your lives. Please share with me as I will with you what you are looking forward to in 2014.
My eldest, Matthew and his wife, Morgan, are expecting their 1st child, our 1st grandbaby, on May 11th, Mother's Day. My daughter is incarcerated and I hope that the parole boards looks upon her favorably and discharges her in 2014. My husband and I are considering becoming snowbirds to Fla. and will be looking to buy a place and that too will hopefully come about in the new year. I graduate from college in 2014 with my higher degree in nursing.
I'll always miss all of my loved ones, especially my precious son Adam Daniel however I carry them with me all the time in whatever I do and wherever I go.
Peace & Blessings,

Child Loss / Christmas
« on: December 18, 2013, 01:24:10 PM »
C=celebrate. It's bittersweet to be sure however in order to live we must celebrate life.
H=hope. Hope for a better tomorrow
R=reflect. Reflect on the road you have travelled
I=intraspection. Grasp onto who you are and what you have learned
S=safety. Thank you Tom as the webhealing board is our safety net
T=together. Together we support one another
M=miracle. The miracle of the birth of our children. We may be on this board for sad reasons but who would we have been without the miracles of our precious children?
A=always. We will always have the memories of our children
S=Santa Claus. The innocence of believing in this magical person reminds us of pure joy and hope.

Wishing you all, during this holiday season, times of pure joy, hope for a brighter future and the magic to fill your heart with tender memories to bring a smile to your lips.
XO Paula

Child Loss / Holidays
« on: November 28, 2013, 07:33:17 AM »
Happy Thanksgiving and Thanksgivingkah to all who celebrate.
I know firsthand how difficult our lives have become however I am blessed to have been Adam's mother and to receive his signs.
I am blessed with a loving husband, 3 other children, loving family and friends.
I am blessed to have a roof over my head and food in my belly.
I am blessed to have found this board (TU Tom) to express my innermost feelings here where I feel the safest.
I am blessed to have found Terry!
Love & Hugs to all who come here. I hope that today you can count your blessings too.
XO Paula

Child Loss / Living life with grief and ongoing pain
« on: July 24, 2013, 04:31:47 PM »
I don't handle stress well. I have limited coping mechanisms. I am dropping to another low. I detest these low times.

Child Loss / A tragic death
« on: July 01, 2013, 02:40:28 PM »
My youngest has had a relationship with a beautiful girl on-off for several years now. I love her. Her Dad was driving home yesterday evening when a drunken driver plowed into him; killing him instantly. The intoxicated driver escaped with minor injuries.
My heart breaks for this family. I get so shook up these days. I just don't handle sad well at all.
Has any of your coping skills since the death of your child totally change? It's coming onto 7 years for me now.

Child Loss / A picture of Adam
« on: April 01, 2013, 02:16:11 PM »
I don't know how to attach a picture of Adam, can you please tell me how I can do that?
Much appreciated,

Child Loss / My daughter
« on: March 11, 2013, 10:57:52 PM »
As most of the "old-timers" on the board know while grieving for my Adam I still struggle every day with the same life & death & legal issues with his sister, my daughter. There is a warrant out for her arrest and she will most likely do hard time when she is caught or surrenders herself. I am beside myself over the fact that I have another child going down the terrible path that led to my other childs demise. I just don't find much purpose in living. To me, as a mom, I am only truly happy and content when my family is well. With one child dead and another teter-tottering on the edge I just want to crawl up in a fetal position until this is all over. I have tried, everything. There is just more sadness in my life, more emptiness that I feel is worth bearing. I was away and thought that if the plane went down and I died it was OK. What do I tell a therapist anymore? I feel like I've exhausted all the therapies, the medications, the distractions, the new directions I take to try to find new meaning. It is just so terribly, terribly sad to be trying to come to terms with the loss of a child while actively being fraught over the disturbed decisions over another child.
I am at a total loss.

Child Loss / my own head is my worst enemy
« on: February 22, 2013, 10:39:37 AM »
I am living under continuous stress. I can pinpoint for you almost 100% of my stressors from the past and present. I KNOW that I need to live in the moment. However I am having great difficulty doing so. I fear so much for Kate. I worry about Matt & Josh dying. I worry about my relationship with Craig. There is no sense to worry; it accomplishes nothing. It's all the past grabbing at my ankles and pulling me down saying "You see, what happened before, can happen again!". With therapy, medications it's not getting much better. I need to find a way to live in peace.

Child Loss / My late brother's 65th birthday
« on: February 17, 2013, 11:04:47 AM »
My brother passed away in July of '55 at the tender age of 7 from Leukemia after only being diagnosed 3 months prior. I was a newborn when this all happened. I grew up in a household of sadness & grief. Never did I think I would have so much in common with my parents. I feel the loss of knowing I had a sibling that I never got to know, I share the pain of losing a child, I feel the anguish of the unfairness of it all. It's hard to reconcile that a child who passed away at age 7 would have been 65 today. He waited 58 years for both his Mommy & Daddy to be reunited with him. I hope that this long overdue birthday celebration in Heaven is a grand one!

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