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Messages - Tom

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46
Child Loss / Re: Will be 13 years =(
« on: December 30, 2014, 05:11:44 AM »
Beautiful poem.  Thanks for posting it here.  "Still waiting" is a phrase that resonates with grief.  There are so many things for which we are still waiting. 

Tom

47
Child Loss / The connection of love and grief
« on: December 29, 2014, 07:25:49 PM »
All too often we forget that grief and love are intertwined and inseparable.  It is love that fuels the grief.  When we are indifferent there is little grief. 

There is no shame in loving and therefore no shame in grief.  Wear it proudly.

48
Spouse, Partner Loss / The boards have been updated
« on: December 29, 2014, 06:25:50 PM »
The boards have been updated to the latest version.  Please let me know if anything is not working.  It looks like all is working well but sometimes little glitches can pop up so please let me know.

There are some new features that I will be posting about shortly that I think may be helpful. 

Tom

49
Child Loss / Boards are updated
« on: December 29, 2014, 06:24:31 PM »
The boards have been updated to the latest version.  Please let me know if anything is not working.  It looks like all is working well but sometimes little glitches can pop up so please let me know.

There are some new features that I will be posting about shortly that I think may be helpful. 

Tom

50
Child Loss / Re: Our Don has died
« on: June 05, 2013, 04:45:04 PM »
God bless Don.  So sad to hear of his death.  Sad for the family that it was so sudden, that makes it tougher.

Don was always great on these boards.  A calming influence for almost everyone with a knowing compassion.  I asked him more than once if he would be interested in being a moderator here but it never worked out.  I will miss him and am grateful for all the good he did here.   

Tom

51
Suicide Loss / Re: My father took his life on st Patrick's day
« on: May 13, 2013, 07:12:00 AM »
Hi Joseph -  Sad to hear about your dad.  Suicide is such a tough loss and it leaves us wondering what we could have, should have done.

Remember, it is likely that your dad died of an illness called depression.  He was unable to share it with others very much like other males in our culture who feel obligated to carry their pain themselves and not "burden" others with it.  Sometimes that burden gets so high and the self esteem so low that the person who suicides truly believes his death will make life easier for their loved ones.  Of course this is a delusion but this has been the thoughts I have seen most often as a therapist with people who don't succeed in killing themselves.  They are convinced they are going to help their loved ones by dying. 

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to get some contact with others who have experienced a similar loss.  There are quite a few groups out there for family and loved ones who have experienced the death of a loved one via suicide.  These people know better what you are going through that anyone else. It does the heart good to be understood.  If you need help in finding a group maybe we can help you find one.

Blessings.

Tom

52
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: my loss
« on: March 02, 2013, 07:47:57 PM »
Hi Martin -  Glad to see that you were able to post. The death of a spouse is a difficult time.  How long has it been since your wife died?  What happened?  After 25 years together it must be very hard to manage.  Someone said one time that one of the worst things about the death of a spouse is that the person who knew our "story" is no longer there.  There is no one who knows us and our story like our spouse and it is very difficult to deal with that and a barrage of other aspects to the loss.

I am betting that you will be hearing from some other folks here who can offer support.  Welcome to the forums.

Tom

53
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Spam Problem
« on: November 15, 2012, 06:44:52 AM »
Well, I think I have a temporary fix.  I started a new usergroup called nospam and have only allowed that group to post and reply. I added anyone who has been on the board for the last three weeks or so.  If you have been active in the last couple of weeks you should be able to post and reply.  If you can't post or reply, email me at [email protected] and let me know and I will get you up and running asap.

so sorry for this mess.  Keep our fingers crossed that this will be at least a temporary fix.

Tom

54
Child Loss / Re: Spam problems
« on: November 15, 2012, 06:44:25 AM »
Well, I think I have a temporary fix.  I started a new usergroup called nospam and have only allowed that group to post and reply. I added anyone who has been on the board for the last three weeks or so.  If you have been active in the last couple of weeks you should be able to post and reply.  If you can't post or reply, email me at [email protected] and let me know and I will get you up and running asap.

so sorry for this mess.  Keep our fingers crossed that this will be at least a temporary fix.

Tom

55
Spouse, Partner Loss / Spam Problem
« on: November 15, 2012, 05:56:24 AM »
We are continuing to have problems with spammers.  I will be working on this today and you may find that you are unable to post or reply.  Hopefully this will all be fixed in a short time.  Sorry for the mess.

Tom

56
Child Loss / Spam problems
« on: November 15, 2012, 05:55:54 AM »
We are continuing to have problems with spammers.  I will be working on this today and you may find that you are unable to post or reply.  Hopefully this will all be fixed in a short time.  Sorry for the mess.

Tom

57
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Spammed!!!!
« on: November 14, 2012, 02:05:46 PM »
My apologies for the spam.  I am not sure exactly where they are getting in but we will find out and stop it.  These are basically robots that post spam on message boards where they can find entry.  They are harmless in a way but very annoying and injurious to the peacefulness that we usually enjoy here.  For that I do apologize and I hope you know I will be working on this to rid us of this mess.

Tom

58
Child Loss / Re: hello and the blog
« on: November 14, 2012, 04:46:13 AM »
Badly chewed plant!  Yeah, I think that is close isn't it? I think sometimes of desert flowers when I think of the bereaved, folks able to bloom with very little water, lots of sun beating down and soil that is mostly sand.  I love desert flowers!

59
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: hello and the blog
« on: November 13, 2012, 02:09:48 PM »
lol not managed to get onto the chat room yet and no idea what google+ is! Although I love Mama Terry, I am way behind her in ICT knowledge! x

Google+ is googles answer to facebook.  In many ways it is a marked improvement.  Not much happening there as far as grief goes but we can change that.   :icon_mrgreen:  They have free video-=conferencing that allows up to 10 people to talk to and see each other.  Lots of possibilities.

60
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: hello and the blog
« on: November 13, 2012, 08:17:28 AM »
Hi Tom,

correct me if I am wrong but I believe that you are the instigator of this site.

I just want to say a massive thank you. This place and the amazing people on here have helped me so much and I thought I would share that with you and my heartfelt gratitude that you had a great idea and followed it through.

Thanks :)

SOn x


Hi Sonya -  Yes, I am the instigator!  Thank you so much for your kind words.  It's great to hear that the site has been of help to you.  I am always thinking about ways to improve things and lately I think that google+ may be something we should look into.  If you or anyone else is on google+ please do circle me and I will reciprocate.

Thanks again.

Tom

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