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Messages - Luvinmike

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Main / Re: overwhelmed
« on: June 22, 2008, 02:21:58 PM »
Thank you for the kind words Kay and the reminder to take baby steps. That is where we are with all of this grief. I am glad that my two teens are doing really well today- Day 36, after some severe deep emotions expressed in past 8 or 9 dyas. I think a small piece of this awful reality has settled in our very bones. My son said- "Our fun is gone." I told him I agreed, but, we would persevere and eventually we will create different fun and someday appreciate all of our good times in a comforting way. He said he could see that. I know my husband would want these beautiful kids to go ahead with youthful energy and joy. I am proud of my abilities as a Mom right now. I have made sure we are not isolating- church, friends, I had the family over and we planted a perrennial, memory garden. I just die inside about every 4 hours and pray to get to the next breath. Then I will get another short respite of the pain being bearable. I'm shocked and somewhat furious that this is so hard... I must be in the angry phase- I hope there is a "Want to clean the house phase" coming soon as we are running out of clothes to wear. Good wishes and a moment of comfort to all on these boards.  Terri

Main / Re: My Constant Companions:Lonliness & Exhaustion
« on: June 21, 2008, 08:00:50 PM »
Kevinjj- Your powerful and articulate descriptions of grief should be used as some type of education for others. You are helping me by being so brutally honest, thank you. Some things I find helpful-1. Doing and going different places and doing simple new tasks that I did not do with Mike. By being in a place new to me seems to dull the pain and make it bearable. I don't last long, but I am doing it. 2. I read that the one way to diminish the intolerable pain is to tell someone you trust about your pain and about the person you miss. I told my kids if they ever feel overwhelmed to run and get anyone who Dad loved and tell them you need to talk. They did it! It works for me- I literally make a few people listen to me incessantly talk about Mike.3. The healthy habits you wrote in earlier post. 4. The phrase, " Be gentle with yourself..." Wishing you a moment of pure peace, Terri

Recommended Grief Books / Recommended for all
« on: June 21, 2008, 05:54:48 PM »
I have returned again and again in my life to the short, but masterful, book The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. The good news is you can google the title and read it all for free. And it is broken into one page chapters on topics like children, death, and marriage- so it is EASY. Hope others find it wise and comforting as i have. Terri

« on: June 20, 2008, 03:47:22 PM »
Thinking of you and your family. Your memorial is so fitting for a treasure like your son Landon. Bless you for posting it here. My husband loved baseball and he made me love it too. Terri ( Main board)

Child Loss / Re: Pregnancy Update
« on: June 19, 2008, 07:17:24 PM »
I come over here from the main board and the photo of Charlie draws me back time again, a most precious boy. Thank you for posting such a stunning photo. Good wishes and prayers to your family.

Main / Re: Families are so frustrating
« on: June 18, 2008, 04:00:44 AM »
Dear Lauren-
So sorry for what has gone on with your family historically and now. I hope you don't mind, I'll add my two cents. In MA you can download and print a Health Care Proxy ( Check what to do in other states)  form and if Grampa is willing to sign for you to make his medical decisions it would legally allow you to always know his whereabouts through his doctor and senior services. You could also just have him sign a Release of Information ( You can type your own) and preferably take him to a notary, then give copies to both Senior Services in your area and his Primary doctor. It will help with questioning the doc. if relatives move him w/out telling you. I have seen one person in a family situation similiar top yours who worked closely with a member of Senior Services, explaining the situation. I hope maybe these ideas are useful. In the meantime I am so sorry for your pain through this, I will pray for you to have peace with your dear Gpa. Terri

Main / Re: Families are so frustrating
« on: June 17, 2008, 07:51:06 PM »
Dear Dadsgrl23- You are a beautiful person, please share your light with the world and continue with your education as your loving Dad would hope for. Please don't feel so alone in this. Colleges always offer free counselling and do not give up until you find a counselor who you respect. I felt the need to write you and offer you the idea that helped me at your age ( I'm 42 now)-   Try to visualize the kind of life and family you would like to create- surrounded by good people who would not offend your Dad or your enormous loss.
Visualize the life you want and one little step at a time go toward that vision. One day you will realize your dreams have come true and you will thank God and your Dad for the inner fortitude to work hard. You are a precious daughter- Your Dad knows you love him and he is okay. My eighteen year old daughter just lost her Dad- her best friend too, and I ache for you both. Dads want their daughters to be brave and carry on in their honor. Thinking of you- Terri

Main / Re: overwhelmed
« on: June 17, 2008, 07:37:45 PM »
Thanks also Geraldine. Sincerely, Terri

Main / Re: overwhelmed
« on: June 17, 2008, 07:00:09 PM »
Thank you Kay and Kevj for your most helpful responses. I really appreciate your kind words. I am today somewhat feeling more optimistic because my two teenagers are home and positive attitudes together- gentleness as Kay said. And I am going to try a support group Thursday night. I know this is very early on for us- I guess that is what is so scary. How long can you keep this up. I also know taking loving care of ourselves is necessary and asking for help. I was proud of myself to post on here- I would never do this. So thank you for your replies. Terri

Main / overwhelmed
« on: June 16, 2008, 02:59:15 PM »
I joined here the other day wrote a couple responses along with an introduction. I am now writing for support.
I made it thru Fathers Day after my three kids lost the best Dad 29 days ago, but, today I am not able to function at all. I am going back to work tommorrow- part time only to start. My youngest is in a hospital 2.5 hours from home- he has special needs. My two older teens had meltdowns today also- lots of fighting, anger, my eighteen year old daughter opened some wine and drank it. I got so upset I smashed the bottle on the sidewalk. She then tore apart the house. My scared 16 year old son called his uncle who came over and we all talked. I went to an Urgent care center prior to this and just cried for an hour- they offerrred to hospitalize me, but I need to be home for these teens. It is quiet and okay now- they are both agreed to more counseling- we had some during the last year as my husband and son had such demanding needs. I hope we can pull together as a family- and my son broke my heart when he said- face it our family is ruined without Dad. i tell him the only gift to give our beloved husband and father is to honor him and remain a strong family. This is very intimidating and exhausting- thanks for listening- trying to breathe thru each minute. Any thoughts welcome...

Main / Re: Newly Widowed
« on: June 15, 2008, 06:53:05 PM »
I felt comforted reading this whole thread. I miss my best friend.
 Don W. I also just spent the fourth Saturday 11:25p.m. and I appreciated your post about your head exploding- head, heart, entire world is shattered by grief.
THANK YOU to all who wrote these posts as this is so hard. Terri

Main / Re: A motherless daughter
« on: June 15, 2008, 04:19:24 PM »
Hi. I am new here and also to this overwhelming pain as well. I understand where you are coming from about panic. I wanted to tell you that I know it is normal to feel crazy while grieving- when I learned that it helped me a little bit to trust that the times of craziness come and go. Also, My Pastor told me, " You have enormous grief where you have enormous love." I found that helpful as I love my husband so much and he is too far away- i want him back with us. You must have a lot of love in your heart to have enormous grief, take comfort in that and that Mother's always know their children love them, period- near or far. Thinking of you. Terri

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