Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - mousewife

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 19
1
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Recent Loss of My Wife
« on: January 31, 2019, 12:16:58 PM »
BrokenHeartedinMD,
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through because of the loss of you soul-mate. I had a somewhat similar situation to yours, in that I was somewhat older when I met my husband. He was also my best friend. We had almost 22 years together before he died from Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer. He was only 50 when he died. It's been almost 12 years since he died. It's much less hurtful now, but sometimes its still difficult.
I agree with what Zylen has already written. But I'd also like to add that it's great that you have taken this step to reach out for some support. It takes courage to do that.
The healing process is different for each person. It takes a different amount of time for each person. All of the things that you have spoken of are normal responses to the profound brokenness and heartache that we experience.  I  remember a time when I physically ached to hear the sound of my husband's voice, and I too, was so grateful for video so I could hear his calming, beautiful voice. That does get better as time goes on. I also have three boxes of all of our cards. Those have comforted me and made me cry many times over the years of special days. Those too, have become seldom visited as time has gone on.
When you feel able, it is good to be around people who are understanding. These may not be family or current friends. You may need to find new friends who understand. This is a good place to start. A good grief group could also help.
For me, I became frustrated with myself because the pain did not leave me as soon as I wanted it to. Waves of sorrow took me down and left me at their mercy. I finally understood that it was best to let them take me. I learned that eventually my head would break the surface again. When that does happen, enjoy every moment of it without guilt. You will need the respite.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry you have to be here. But it is a good resource to have. I have not actually been here for a few years until a few months ago, when I needed a place to vent.

Peace and Healing,
Mousewife

2
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Am I numb, in denial?
« on: January 29, 2019, 08:46:26 AM »
Sorry BLW I have not been on here and did not see your post. I dont have any children. We had a child that died pre-birth. So I am alone too. It is coming up on 12 years for me. The pain does get better. Life is never the same but there will still be things and people to enjoy. My faith is how I survive too. Sorry for your pain.  I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better at least sometimes.

Peace and Healing,
Mousewife

3
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Am I numb, in denial?
« on: October 24, 2018, 09:10:31 PM »
Sorry for the loss of your husband BLW, It's a very hard thing.  I lost mine at just less than 22 years.  He had cancer also, and I took care of him at home too. I was a social worker, and I became his social worker in order to take care of him properly.  I had much the same type of reaction that you are having. I never cried when I spoke of him.  I don't know if it is because we were being so strong while they were sick, or if that's just how some people are.  But it doesn't mean we don't feel a profound hurt and loss.  I hope you will receive some support from the grief counseling.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

4
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is Clapton doing Terry?
« on: April 04, 2018, 12:28:26 PM »
I am also sorry for the loss of your much loved companion Mark.  I've had to help three of my fur children die.  It's so hard.  Also sorry to hear of your fur baby's struggle with arthritis, Terry. Comfort to you both.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

5
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hi Mark
« on: March 15, 2018, 07:56:37 PM »
Hey Mark,

I'm so sorry to read of your health issues and your dog"s health issue.  I know that's so hard.  I've had to end the lives of three much loved cats since my husband died.  One the same year he died.  It kills me every time. And every time I say I will never get another one.  Oops, I did it again.  Only this one is kind of nuts. Never had a bad one before.  All of them were strays or rescues.  This one was in two shelters in two different counties before I took her.  She is not a good, sweet cat.  But I still have hope for her to get there.

I hope you will have some comfort during this process and that your own health issues will improve.

Peace and Healing,

mousewife

6
Spouse, Partner Loss / Where is my new life?
« on: March 15, 2018, 07:46:07 PM »
Hi All,

Maybe I should post this under grief unrelated to death, except that it is due to the death of my husband 11 years ago this coming Sunday. It's not really a grief thing, as much as it is a sorrow and frustration that I can not for the life of me, find my new life.  I don't live in the past.  I have let that go years ago.  But in spite of the many things I have done, trips I have taken, volunteer work I have done, ministry I have created, Meetups I have hosted and participated in, and friends I have made,  I do not find the happiness and fulfillment that I had with my husband.  I even sold our home that I loved, thinking it would help me, but the house I am in now does not hold a candle to the one I had.  I couldn't afford one like I had. Really stupid.

I would love to move on to my happy new life, but, where the heck is it?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

7
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« on: February 23, 2018, 12:51:31 PM »
Hi Kim,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, and especially that it was so close to Christmas.  This would have made it much harder for me.

I am glad that you have some things that keep your mind occupied for at least some of the time.  Yes, it is good to take things a day, or even a minute at a time.  Express yourself here whenever you need to.  It is a good and safe place to do that.  Reading other's posts is also helpful.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

8
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« on: February 19, 2018, 07:11:34 PM »
Hi JustMark,

First, let me say I am very sorry that you have lost your wife.  I know it is so hard.  I still miss my husband, but, it is much easier than it was.  In March it will be 11 years for me. I used to post here a lot, mostly to try and encourage others, but also reading other's posts helped me a lot.  It took me about five years before I could even think about the possibility of someone else.  It's not a guilt thing.  He wanted me to find someone else if I could.  But I waited a long time for God to bring the two of us together, so I think he knew it would not be easy for me to find the right person. I'm quite sure however, that he never would have thought  it would be for the reason that it is.

I appreciate the fact that you offered a comment. Though this is not like the pain of grieving, it is painful to find that you are not valued by your male cohorts.

I live in Illinois, but, this is a widespread issue both in the U.S. and in other countries from everything I have read. Online most of the men specify that they are looking for women 10-30 years younger.

I have only recently met a man who is 60, what I consider an appropriate age for me, though I am 63.  But even he as expressed an interest in 40 somethings. That really hurts.  None of my female friends are having any success either.  One friend is 57 and she is dating a 67 year old because he pursued her and he was pretty much her only option.  She does care for him, but she would have preferred someone her own age.

This is just the way it is.  I don't understand why.  Especially when a guy is a Christian.  I thought that men of faith would see value in us the way God does.  But I have found this not to be so.

I'm sure there are still some men who would prefer to date someone within five years either way, but I have never encountered one. 

It is very hard for me to live this life, and think of a future devoid of any male perspective or interaction.  I had such a great relationship with my husband.  He was my soulmate and my best friend. I would love to be loved again, and have someone to grow old with, but even a good friend would be great.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to post.  That was a kindness.  I hope your days free of sorrow and heartache will become more frequent as you continue on this journey.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

9
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« on: February 11, 2018, 01:46:03 PM »
Hi All,
I haven't been here for a few years.  I am not actively grieving.  It's been almost 11 years since I lost my husband.  I just need a place to share my frustration and disappointment with not being able to make male friendships, or create any serious dating relationships. For the past five years I have engaged in, and hosted many singles meetup activities, volunteer in many and varied programs, and tried online dating.  All with no success. Most of the men I meet are 10-17 years younger, or they are older than me.  In other words, I don't view them as an appropriate age for me to be more than friends, but even friendships are naturally limited when we are not from the same generation.  Also, men my age are seeking women 10-30 years younger. I'm 63. I feel like I will likely live another 30 years. Even with my strong faith, it is a constant painful struggle to keep doing life alone. 

I know many of you here are not at a point where this is of any interest to you,  but I am in great pain.  I survived the pain of loss, healed enough to be ready to try again, only to discover the reality of the probability that I will never find anyone I want, who wants me. This is making me long for what I know I can't have again, so, I guess in a way I am grieving again.

Thanks for listening.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

10
Doug,

I'm sorry you're going through a rough period again.  I hope things can be worked out, and your marriage will become all a marriage should be.

Thanks for your encouragement.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

11
I am starting to get a little down myself.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, but sometimes it just seems like nothing ever works out for me in a personal way.  I'd like to meet someone but I never do.  Everyone is either too young, too old, or I'm not interested, or they aren't.  The holiday time is always difficult for me.

I am supposed to have some contact with my brother soon.  I don't know if that will be good, or make things worse, but I'm trying.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

12
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: The loss of my beloved man.
« on: September 19, 2014, 08:15:26 PM »
Janka,

So sorry you have to go through this pain.  I'm glad for any comfort you are receiving.  It does help to share with others who have gone through loss.

It's been about 7and and a half years since my husband died.  I know it hurts.

Peace and Healing,

mousewife

13
Parent Loss / Re: 6 months today
« on: August 11, 2014, 03:51:11 PM »
Gail,

It does get easier for most people.  It does get easier to bear.  It improves in the sense that it changes.  Our lives change and we get more used to the change.  Many people remain susceptible to brief times  when the pain and loss becomes intense again.  But, I think for most people, these times become less frequent and are shorter in duration.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

14
Rinto,

You sound like you are dealing with your grief with great grace.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

15
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Rinto, thinking of you
« on: July 12, 2014, 06:59:07 AM »
Rinto,

I think it is good for you to concentrate on one thing at a time as you are doing.  Also, I agree with Terry, do what feels right for you regarding the holiday.  Nothing is written is stone.  You have the right to figure things out as you go, and do what seems best for you.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 19