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Messages - Rebecca

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31
Child Loss / Re: The tale of Annies dog bite
« on: November 13, 2010, 12:08:24 PM »
Annie: so sorry for your incident.  Seems it just keeps piling on.  We were on vacation for a week so I have not been on here.  I hope u heal quickly and take that bastards to Court over their dog.  I would bet you if you do some research, this is not the first time.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

32
Child Loss / Re: a phone call
« on: October 24, 2010, 06:30:17 PM »
and u too Anne.  I think we know what our kids did, at times, but that does not explain who they are or what they did.  We know, the good, the bad, the ugly and naturally the best.  Which is the only part of our children we want to remember.  Keep this in mind, if Dan was doing what his "friend" was doing... then he, the friend, was doing the same.  Does not make them good or bad, makes them prone to what society pushes.
Love, Rebecca Jason's Mom

33
Child Loss / a phone call
« on: October 23, 2010, 11:52:49 AM »
A former friend of Jason's who lives in Switzerland called to say he would like to stop by and say hello.  He and Jason parted friendships.  I said we would be home in the afternoon but it pains me to see him.  I want to know why he stopped being friends with Jason although Jason said he, this boy, always knew everything and he finally got sick of it.  I hurt so much... it gives me a headache and all I want to do is sleep but I have so much to do.  We are going to Aruba in a few weeks, then Thanksgiving and then the baby.  My heart is in a knot.  I know that there are  many of you out there who would change places with me and for that I am sorry.  I just can't keep up with my feelings.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

34
Child Loss / What to say when...
« on: October 04, 2010, 06:31:39 AM »
our daughter is having our first grandchild in Dec.  Friends of our asked if they could come to Thanks. as they are not moving until after Nov. 30. We might be at my house or my daughter's .  I was telling a friend about this (a male) and he said:  R it is time to move on.  a new baby, a new beginning.  Now this was done on the internet, not face to face or on the phone. I let it go but I know I am moving but not on... I am existing, I am laughing at things, I am so excited about the baby but what about Jason not being at Thanks. what about his not being their when the baby is born, what about his not having his own kids, and on and on and on.  What would u say.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

35
Child Loss / Re: picture
« on: September 12, 2010, 02:38:34 PM »
Same thing happpened to me.. Deb............... where are u... U seem to be the one who did it the last time.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

36
Child Loss / Jason's 37 bd
« on: September 04, 2010, 05:13:33 PM »
Tomorrow would have been Jason's 37th bd.  When I say would have been it is like someone else is saying that.  I lose my breath when I really acknowledge he is gone.  I just don't understand, why are some taken so young and others live, in vegatative states well into their 90's.  I know someone like that.  I guess I should not question G-d's decisions but I can't help it and heavens knows no one is going to give me the answer.  It is so painful, a happy wonderday day is now one that we cannot celebrate.  I see him as a little boy and then see him as the years go.  I see so many of his friends moving on to the next step in life, wife, children, enjoying days.  I just don't get it and I know I never will, nor will any of you who were forced to be here.
Happy Heavenly Birthday to my Boy, ILU
Rebecca, Ma

37
Child Loss / Re: A message from Dan that I need some help with
« on: August 29, 2010, 09:30:16 AM »
Maybe it is a concerned Dad watching over his baby and her boyfriend.  Do you like the boy she is talking to?  Isn't she pretty young for a b/f.  Wow... what an experience.  Thinking of all of you.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

38
Child Loss / emotionally paralyzed
« on: August 27, 2010, 04:56:46 AM »
that's how I feel or don't feel.  I am on meds but I think they stopped working or even worse,working backwards.  i have an appt with psych. 9/10.  I just feel like everyone is after me, I made a mistake and it blows up, I just want to get through the next couple of years so why do I care about anything at work?  Why can't I just shrug it off my back.  I use to, and would say after what I went through with losing Jason, nothing will bother me. but it does, I can't wait to go to the dr. before something serious happens.  I am a mess and sometimes am scared because I either feel too much or feel nothing at all.
My husband does not understand.  I don't know who else to talk to without it being repeated, I don't want to discuss with my daughter who is preg.  I just want to hole up in room.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

39
Child Loss / Re: Paula checking in
« on: August 26, 2010, 04:24:25 PM »
Glad u r back.  I often wonder how u r doing and I made a post a while ago, directed toward how u were. I guess u were not reading then.  We hit 5 years in Feb. and I know I feel worse now.  It the beginning I had no idea what happened and now I know... Jason is not coming back.  We are having our first grandchild and this evokes feelings for me, both happy and sad and afraid.  I have had 6 pregnancies and two live births so I fear for my daughter and SIL.  I try to hold all my fears in and it is causing me great internal pain.  My daughter asked why all of a sudden I am so fearful and I said:  Talk to me when you have many other children, and you are 62.  This is my firs grandchild so I am fearful of many things. 
Rebecca Jason's Mom

40
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Joshua ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 20, 2010, 03:34:10 AM »
How we remember every detail good and sad.  May you smile at the funny and loving things Joshua did on his birthday today.
Rebecca, Jason's Mom

41
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly birthday Tammie! ((((( Dottie )))))
« on: August 13, 2010, 03:31:12 PM »
I remember when you unfortunately joined us.  And I remember all the good work you did to get legislation passed in Nevada.  Tammie would be proud and I am sure so many others are thankful for your perserverance. 
Rebecca Jason's Mom

42
Child Loss / Re: Leaving the Board
« on: August 10, 2010, 05:54:13 PM »
I know u r not going to go over what happened to keep the fires burning, but if Judy is the wonderful Judy from Hawaii, I am crushed.  I still remember the beautfiful post of the heart in the ocean, as it seemed to just happen.  I have not been on here much because I am going through my own hell and probably would be better off if I did write here.  I was "better" for a while and now I feel like the world is coming down around my head.It  seems that everywhere I turn, someone is talking about a "Jason".  It seems as if I should be happy about my impending grandchild and yet I know that Jason and my daughter did not always get along the best and I am broken about this.  I still cannot rectify in my head why he is dead.  My heart hurts, my everything hurts.  I am having trouble with my husband who everyone says is a saint.  We don't talk, we just live in the same house.  How could I leave now?  I am 62.5 years old, our first grandchild is going to be born, I have to work for a couple of more years, I carry the insurance?   How could I?  I'm thinking maybe my meds are not working anymore.  I am so sensative I feel like if anyone touches me I will cry.  Nothing is right.  How selfish of me because I should be talking about Judy...There was someone on here years ago and she hurt people and I think think she might have just left on hereown.  I can't imagine Judy hurting anyone.  Since I am not n hee all the time I don't know what is going on.  Judy if you leave us for good. May G-d bbe with you and Makennalives. Do I have th right Judy.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

43
Child Loss / Re: Philip's Angel Date ((((( Jeanne )))))
« on: August 02, 2010, 04:41:42 AM »
I am sorry I didn't connect on Philips Angel Date.  I am more numb today than Feb.13, 2005.  I walk and do what everyone else does but I feel black inside. I want to feel whole again but I don't think I will.  My daughter is including us more than I expected so that is a good sign.  She talks about the baby to be and I only go to my baby that was, but only in my head.  On the outside... I am the great pretender.  Love to you, Sis...
Rebecca Jason's Mom

44
Child Loss / Soon to be grandmother
« on: August 01, 2010, 05:32:26 PM »
I think I might have mentioned here that my daughter is pregnant.  She is 5 months and waited as long as she could to tell us because she knows what we went through.  I don't discuss any problems with pregnancy etc., because she has a wonderful doctor, a wonderful husband, and I don't need to add any more worries on to her shoulders. I will say though that many times when I look at her my mind goes back to when I was preg. with Jason and with her.  When I held them in my arms for the first time it was as if the world stood still just for me.  There really are no explanable words for the birth of a child as there are no explainable words for the death of a child.  There are days when I find breathing a chore.  Our daughter made friends with a couple in Boston who lost their only son.  He was a freshman in college.  They are coming to visit them in Chic and she invited us to join them for breakfast.  So, here she is pregnant, we are to be grandparents and this couple will never be where we will be. Oh how I feel for them.  Life is good because another generation will soon be born of our genes, life sucks also.  How do we understand all of this.

Rebecca Jason's Mom

45
Child Loss / Re: for love
« on: August 01, 2010, 05:03:00 PM »
You said it all.  Thank u.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

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