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46
Main / Re: Hi everyone
« on: November 07, 2008, 03:17:06 PM »
Hi Georgia,
I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your mom. I know that even through all of the difficulties and grief you have faced in the last several months, you come through as a compassionate, sensitive person who helps others. Your mom and husband must be very proud of you.
I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your mom. I know that even through all of the difficulties and grief you have faced in the last several months, you come through as a compassionate, sensitive person who helps others. Your mom and husband must be very proud of you.
47
Main / Re: Hollewen with out mom2
« on: October 31, 2008, 07:12:06 PM »
Hi,
On Sunday, it will be four years ago that my mother died. When she died, the pain was incredibly difficult especially in the first year. I think just coming here and writing about it, helped me enormously. I would not worry at all, about writing and telling us about whatever you want to write about your mom. If it helps you, it will also help others who might not feel comfortable about writing in, and just prefer to read.
My mother passed away suddenly, but for the past few days of her life, she was in the hospital with an unknown(at the time) illness. I didn't want her to miss out on Hallowe'en, so I brought one of my children to the hospital, all dressed up in his costume. My mom was too sick to really be enthusiastic about it. Today, those flashbacks kept going through my mind, as do all the memories of those last few days.
The permanent replay part, is what I dealt with for a very long time. I wrote down the memories in the first few months. I didn't want to forget, but with them going through my mind again and again, how could I?
Now, the good part is that I tend to have these memories playing through my mind, at certain times of the year-as in anniversaries and birthdays. It isn't a constant thing.
I certainly will never forget how painful this grief can be, but it does get better.
As hard as it is, you must already know this, the alcohol, will not make it better. We are here to listen-anytime.
On Sunday, it will be four years ago that my mother died. When she died, the pain was incredibly difficult especially in the first year. I think just coming here and writing about it, helped me enormously. I would not worry at all, about writing and telling us about whatever you want to write about your mom. If it helps you, it will also help others who might not feel comfortable about writing in, and just prefer to read.
My mother passed away suddenly, but for the past few days of her life, she was in the hospital with an unknown(at the time) illness. I didn't want her to miss out on Hallowe'en, so I brought one of my children to the hospital, all dressed up in his costume. My mom was too sick to really be enthusiastic about it. Today, those flashbacks kept going through my mind, as do all the memories of those last few days.
The permanent replay part, is what I dealt with for a very long time. I wrote down the memories in the first few months. I didn't want to forget, but with them going through my mind again and again, how could I?
Now, the good part is that I tend to have these memories playing through my mind, at certain times of the year-as in anniversaries and birthdays. It isn't a constant thing.
I certainly will never forget how painful this grief can be, but it does get better.
As hard as it is, you must already know this, the alcohol, will not make it better. We are here to listen-anytime.
48
Main / Re: Happy Bday momma
« on: October 28, 2008, 08:01:53 PM »
Lauren,
My thoughts are with you. I hope that the activities you planned around your mom's birthday gave you some peace.
My thoughts are with you. I hope that the activities you planned around your mom's birthday gave you some peace.
49
Main / Re: Why Go On
« on: October 27, 2008, 07:22:12 AM »
Hi Tsurandy,
I read your note, and knew that I had to reply. On November 2nd, it will be four years since my mother passed away suddenly. On the day that she died and for a long time afterward, I had no idea how I could ever go on. She was one of my closest friends, and certainly my strongest supporter. I loved her with all of my heart. The next year especially was incredibly difficult. I would come here virtually every day, and tearfully write my feelings out. There were always understanding people here, and I
listenned to what advice they gave.
Now that the four year anniversary is approaching, I find the familiar memories of those last few days playing again and again in my mind.
I have to tell you that it does get better. I found that I am a changed person as a result of my mom's passing. I will always miss her. Not a day will go by, that I don't think of her. On the other hand, there is still joy in this life and happiness to be found. I have done some travelling with my family this summer, and had a wonderful time. Four years ago, I could not have imagined that I could still have days where I would smile.
I miss my mom, and always will. I will still have days of sadness, especially now, but I also know that I will make it through this time. My mother would have wanted this for me, and certainly your mother would want this for you.
There will come a time when you will be able to do a little bit more, and find it a bit easier, and as time goes by those days will become more plentiful. I wish you the best, but know that we are here to listen at any time.
I read your note, and knew that I had to reply. On November 2nd, it will be four years since my mother passed away suddenly. On the day that she died and for a long time afterward, I had no idea how I could ever go on. She was one of my closest friends, and certainly my strongest supporter. I loved her with all of my heart. The next year especially was incredibly difficult. I would come here virtually every day, and tearfully write my feelings out. There were always understanding people here, and I
listenned to what advice they gave.
Now that the four year anniversary is approaching, I find the familiar memories of those last few days playing again and again in my mind.
I have to tell you that it does get better. I found that I am a changed person as a result of my mom's passing. I will always miss her. Not a day will go by, that I don't think of her. On the other hand, there is still joy in this life and happiness to be found. I have done some travelling with my family this summer, and had a wonderful time. Four years ago, I could not have imagined that I could still have days where I would smile.
I miss my mom, and always will. I will still have days of sadness, especially now, but I also know that I will make it through this time. My mother would have wanted this for me, and certainly your mother would want this for you.
There will come a time when you will be able to do a little bit more, and find it a bit easier, and as time goes by those days will become more plentiful. I wish you the best, but know that we are here to listen at any time.
50
Main / Re: dad's health
« on: October 16, 2008, 07:28:53 PM »
Hi,
Mommy's Precious Angel-Thanks for your comments. My dad has a tv in his room, which is often on. The tv gives him a bit of a distraction here and there, just really for the moving pictures, since he is deaf and would never have had an interest in a storyline of a show anyway. I hope that you have had some happiness on your birthday. I do like your comment about only having the wall for company-really because it is such a true statement.
Thank you too Georgia. The decision today was to put my father in a nursing home. The hospital feels that our father is not needing to be there for medical reasons, and they believe our application for rehab will not be accepted.
Thankyou as well tsurandy.
The prayers must be working. My daughter had been complaining of a painful stomach last weekend, and we thought it was a virus. She has a very high pain tolerance, and until she fainted at the pharmacy on Tuesday, we did not realize the seriousness of her condition. It turned out that she had a burst appendix, and from test results it had occurred likely a few days before this. She is still in the hospital,
and will miss school for another week, but at least she is on the way to recovery.
Thanks to all for your comments.
Mommy's Precious Angel-Thanks for your comments. My dad has a tv in his room, which is often on. The tv gives him a bit of a distraction here and there, just really for the moving pictures, since he is deaf and would never have had an interest in a storyline of a show anyway. I hope that you have had some happiness on your birthday. I do like your comment about only having the wall for company-really because it is such a true statement.
Thank you too Georgia. The decision today was to put my father in a nursing home. The hospital feels that our father is not needing to be there for medical reasons, and they believe our application for rehab will not be accepted.
Thankyou as well tsurandy.
The prayers must be working. My daughter had been complaining of a painful stomach last weekend, and we thought it was a virus. She has a very high pain tolerance, and until she fainted at the pharmacy on Tuesday, we did not realize the seriousness of her condition. It turned out that she had a burst appendix, and from test results it had occurred likely a few days before this. She is still in the hospital,
and will miss school for another week, but at least she is on the way to recovery.
Thanks to all for your comments.
51
Main / Re: dad's health
« on: October 12, 2008, 05:37:29 PM »
Thank you Lauren,
You have become a special friend. I appreciate your prayers. My father has always had a strong faith in God, so I know that what ever happens his faith will carry him through.
Thank you.
You have become a special friend. I appreciate your prayers. My father has always had a strong faith in God, so I know that what ever happens his faith will carry him through.
Thank you.
52
Main / Re: I want my Mom
« on: October 12, 2008, 05:34:13 PM »
Hi,
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. The grief in the first few months especially, is incredible. It does get better, and we do get to enjoy life again, but the pain and grief are something that we learn to work through.
You mentionned that you have a friend that has offered to be there for you, in case you need to talk. That person sounds like a wonderful friend. If you don't feel up to talk to others right now, then you are on the right track by coming here. I always found that writing here helped, as well as journaling, which jeorgiapeaches, mentionned.
Every time I wanted to just get my feelings out, and needed to talk to my mom, I would write letters to her in a journal.
It is coming on 4 years now, since she passed away. Each year about this time, I relive all those memories, of having her be so sick, and no one knowing how sick she really was.
I know that you are feeling guilty. You were 8 months pregnant. I think your mom would have understood that being pregnant, and with another child as well, you had a lot on your plate at that time.
It does get better with time. I remember one of my best friend's had mentionned that she needed to find a special gift for her "mommy" at Christmas(one mother after my mom died), and it was like someone had hit me with a bat.
Please know that this pain will eventually subside, but you need to let yourself feel the emotions, and if you don't want to talk to people around you, know that we are here.
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. The grief in the first few months especially, is incredible. It does get better, and we do get to enjoy life again, but the pain and grief are something that we learn to work through.
You mentionned that you have a friend that has offered to be there for you, in case you need to talk. That person sounds like a wonderful friend. If you don't feel up to talk to others right now, then you are on the right track by coming here. I always found that writing here helped, as well as journaling, which jeorgiapeaches, mentionned.
Every time I wanted to just get my feelings out, and needed to talk to my mom, I would write letters to her in a journal.
It is coming on 4 years now, since she passed away. Each year about this time, I relive all those memories, of having her be so sick, and no one knowing how sick she really was.
I know that you are feeling guilty. You were 8 months pregnant. I think your mom would have understood that being pregnant, and with another child as well, you had a lot on your plate at that time.
It does get better with time. I remember one of my best friend's had mentionned that she needed to find a special gift for her "mommy" at Christmas(one mother after my mom died), and it was like someone had hit me with a bat.
Please know that this pain will eventually subside, but you need to let yourself feel the emotions, and if you don't want to talk to people around you, know that we are here.
53
Main / Re: dad's health
« on: October 11, 2008, 05:10:32 PM »
Hi Patty,
Thanks for your reply. My dad is 81 years old-although he looks quite a bit younger than that. We would not subject our father to surgery. His lungs are weakened by the MS, and I doubt he would survive surgery at this point in time.
Thank you for your advice. I struggle with the guilt of wanting him to be home where he would be happiest, and realizing that at the hospital, he is getting better physical care than we could provide at this time.
I do live in Canada. Thank you.
Thanks for your reply. My dad is 81 years old-although he looks quite a bit younger than that. We would not subject our father to surgery. His lungs are weakened by the MS, and I doubt he would survive surgery at this point in time.
Thank you for your advice. I struggle with the guilt of wanting him to be home where he would be happiest, and realizing that at the hospital, he is getting better physical care than we could provide at this time.
I do live in Canada. Thank you.
54
Main / Re: dad's health
« on: October 10, 2008, 08:01:02 PM »
Hi,
Thanks Lauren and KevinJJ for your replies. These last few weeks have been stressful, and just thinking about that road that I went down about this time 4 years ago, when my mother's health was failing, is very scary.
To both of you, your words are a source of comfort. It is Thanksgiving weekend here.
Hopefully things will get better.
Thanks Lauren and KevinJJ for your replies. These last few weeks have been stressful, and just thinking about that road that I went down about this time 4 years ago, when my mother's health was failing, is very scary.
To both of you, your words are a source of comfort. It is Thanksgiving weekend here.
Hopefully things will get better.
55
Main / dad's health
« on: October 10, 2008, 10:05:32 AM »
Hi,
Over the past almost four years, this has been a wonderful site. I can't express how much the people here(all who I had never met), helped me when my mother died. This is one of those times, that I just felt I would write in and hopefully just talking about it would help.
My father has multiple schlerosis. Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and sent to the hospital. He remains there now. He has been greatly weakened by the pneumonia, and is mainly bedridden, partly because he is physically so difficult to move, and the other part due to the fact that the nurses are so busy.
Since he's probably about 95 per cent deaf, his day is spent looking at the walls and having visitors come in for short visits.
There are no local nursing homes available, as the waiting lists are so long, and even though he would love to go home, we realize that his physical care can no longer be handled by our brother as it has got to be too much. Our brother has looked after our dad, since our mom's death in November 2004.
Today, I was told that the doctors have found a cyst in my dad's lungs. It may be cancer, but they have chosen not to investigate further, as it would be too invasive for our father. My brothers and sisters have said that our aim is to make our father's time as comfortable as possible.
I struggle with the guilt of feeling that our father's quality of life(boredom, inability to get around) is not being enhanced by us. We should be doing what we could to fix it. My brother told me today, that finding out if this lung mass is cancer would only cause us to worry more; best just to not know. He's probably right.
Aging, does not look good right now. Thankyou all for listenning.
Over the past almost four years, this has been a wonderful site. I can't express how much the people here(all who I had never met), helped me when my mother died. This is one of those times, that I just felt I would write in and hopefully just talking about it would help.
My father has multiple schlerosis. Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and sent to the hospital. He remains there now. He has been greatly weakened by the pneumonia, and is mainly bedridden, partly because he is physically so difficult to move, and the other part due to the fact that the nurses are so busy.
Since he's probably about 95 per cent deaf, his day is spent looking at the walls and having visitors come in for short visits.
There are no local nursing homes available, as the waiting lists are so long, and even though he would love to go home, we realize that his physical care can no longer be handled by our brother as it has got to be too much. Our brother has looked after our dad, since our mom's death in November 2004.
Today, I was told that the doctors have found a cyst in my dad's lungs. It may be cancer, but they have chosen not to investigate further, as it would be too invasive for our father. My brothers and sisters have said that our aim is to make our father's time as comfortable as possible.
I struggle with the guilt of feeling that our father's quality of life(boredom, inability to get around) is not being enhanced by us. We should be doing what we could to fix it. My brother told me today, that finding out if this lung mass is cancer would only cause us to worry more; best just to not know. He's probably right.
Aging, does not look good right now. Thankyou all for listenning.
56
Main / Re: Good Morning!
« on: October 03, 2008, 07:31:20 AM »
Hi Johnboy,
I still check this board out on a regular basis. I am happy to hear that things are going well for you now. Congratulations with your engagement. I wish you all the best. I'm sure that your parents would be happy for you. I think that your fiancee is a lucky girl. PS. I am from Canada too.
I still check this board out on a regular basis. I am happy to hear that things are going well for you now. Congratulations with your engagement. I wish you all the best. I'm sure that your parents would be happy for you. I think that your fiancee is a lucky girl. PS. I am from Canada too.
57
Main / Re: old email
« on: September 29, 2008, 07:59:42 PM »
Hi,
What you are going through is all very normal, especially in those first few months. I remember that I found some books that my mom had bought for my son to tutor my nephew with, and I spent several minutes with tears just streaming down my face. I think it is all about realizing again and again that our moms aren't here anymore.
I was best friends with my mom as well. When she went into the hospital, it was just for tests, but I was so scared that sometimes she would catch me crying. She would ask me why I was crying, and I didn't have an answer. I didn't want her to see that I was scared. Three days later she passed away.
I was thinking today, that if there were two days out of my life, I could have back to do over again, they would be this past Saturday, where I have been worried about my father, and then got into an at fault accident(first one in 30 years of driving) and the day that I last spoke to my mother. I would have told her that I loved her. Even if she knew I loved her, I don't know that I ever said it.
I'm with you. We all wish we had more time. Please come here to write about your mother any time. She sounds like a wonderful lady.
What you are going through is all very normal, especially in those first few months. I remember that I found some books that my mom had bought for my son to tutor my nephew with, and I spent several minutes with tears just streaming down my face. I think it is all about realizing again and again that our moms aren't here anymore.
I was best friends with my mom as well. When she went into the hospital, it was just for tests, but I was so scared that sometimes she would catch me crying. She would ask me why I was crying, and I didn't have an answer. I didn't want her to see that I was scared. Three days later she passed away.
I was thinking today, that if there were two days out of my life, I could have back to do over again, they would be this past Saturday, where I have been worried about my father, and then got into an at fault accident(first one in 30 years of driving) and the day that I last spoke to my mother. I would have told her that I loved her. Even if she knew I loved her, I don't know that I ever said it.
I'm with you. We all wish we had more time. Please come here to write about your mother any time. She sounds like a wonderful lady.
58
Main / Re: I need some input
« on: September 23, 2008, 11:07:45 AM »
Hi,
I think that we can only give you opinions as to whether speaking with the doctor would be helpful to you or not. It's still very recent that your mother passed away, so I think that going over the details of her final days is very common. Do you know your mom's doctor well, and is he a compassionate man who you think would be able to give you helpful answers? Your mom is in peace now, and no longer in pain. I can only say that if you continue to dwell on this, then it would likely be a good idea to talk to the doctor.
When my mom passed away, I spent a very long time, thinking "what if's." She went into the hospital for testing, and three days later passed away. Her doctor had diagnosed her with lactose intolerance, but it was actually gangrene in her bowels, due to constricted blood flow(which I think ischemic bowels is). We didn't know about the inaccurate diagnosis, until the day that she died.
As time went on, I realized I couldn't change the occurrence of events. I can only imagine that the doctors did what they could for your mother but if the questions you have, cause you a lot of worry, then please call the doctor.
I think that we can only give you opinions as to whether speaking with the doctor would be helpful to you or not. It's still very recent that your mother passed away, so I think that going over the details of her final days is very common. Do you know your mom's doctor well, and is he a compassionate man who you think would be able to give you helpful answers? Your mom is in peace now, and no longer in pain. I can only say that if you continue to dwell on this, then it would likely be a good idea to talk to the doctor.
When my mom passed away, I spent a very long time, thinking "what if's." She went into the hospital for testing, and three days later passed away. Her doctor had diagnosed her with lactose intolerance, but it was actually gangrene in her bowels, due to constricted blood flow(which I think ischemic bowels is). We didn't know about the inaccurate diagnosis, until the day that she died.
As time went on, I realized I couldn't change the occurrence of events. I can only imagine that the doctors did what they could for your mother but if the questions you have, cause you a lot of worry, then please call the doctor.
59
Main / Re: How do you "stay in the moment?"
« on: September 16, 2008, 07:53:35 PM »
Hi Terri,
Reading your note, brings me right back to the overwhelming grief that I experienced when my mother died. I was tremendously close to her. My best friend told me that when the waves hit, that I should just concentrate on that moment-not looking at all ahead. It was just that frightening. She also told me that
it was always about the baby steps. Just one step at a time.
I can only imagine that what you are going through is tremendously difficult. In my most difficult moments, I would come here to talk, or pick up my journal and just write letters to my mom. Please don't push yourself and just do what you can.
Reading your note, brings me right back to the overwhelming grief that I experienced when my mother died. I was tremendously close to her. My best friend told me that when the waves hit, that I should just concentrate on that moment-not looking at all ahead. It was just that frightening. She also told me that
it was always about the baby steps. Just one step at a time.
I can only imagine that what you are going through is tremendously difficult. In my most difficult moments, I would come here to talk, or pick up my journal and just write letters to my mom. Please don't push yourself and just do what you can.
60
Main / Re: how do u deal w/birthdays??
« on: September 01, 2008, 06:41:02 PM »
Hi,
It's just my opinion, but if you are feeling that going to work will be too difficult for you, then don't go. If you feel up to it, then you could possibly visit with a friend or a
relative, who understands what you are going through.
In the first few months especially, I would journal, sending my mom letters of things I wanted to say. I really found this helpful. I also would buy her a gift, such as a flower that I could plant to remember her by.
I didn't seem to feel better by visiting her gravesite, but if this is something you would like to do, that is an option too.
I feel for you. I remember just how painful this can be. Please know that we are here to listen.
It's just my opinion, but if you are feeling that going to work will be too difficult for you, then don't go. If you feel up to it, then you could possibly visit with a friend or a
relative, who understands what you are going through.
In the first few months especially, I would journal, sending my mom letters of things I wanted to say. I really found this helpful. I also would buy her a gift, such as a flower that I could plant to remember her by.
I didn't seem to feel better by visiting her gravesite, but if this is something you would like to do, that is an option too.
I feel for you. I remember just how painful this can be. Please know that we are here to listen.