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Messages - Irene

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181
Main / Re: No where to run
« on: January 14, 2007, 05:35:36 PM »
Hi Lauren,
  It's interesting that your mom is so comforting in your dreams. I don't know that
you will ever have the answers about your mother either. It's obvious to me that you are a clear thinking individual, and your mother's inconsistent behaviour, must have been very stressful to you, while you were growing up. 
  I will never have a problem listenning to you Lauren. Besides hearing what you have to say, you write really,really well. I have wondered from the beginning, what the likelihood, of having so many people come here is, that have such a good command of the English language, and I am being serious.
  Please let us know how the MRI results go. I will be thinking of you.
  PS. My first born is a 14 year old teenager, with a ton of attittude. I won't do that to you.

182
Main / Re: No where to run
« on: January 13, 2007, 03:49:55 PM »
Hi Lauren,
   I disagree that this isn't the sort of place for you to post for this, because it is related to your mother who passed away, and this type of healing is necessary as well. 
   You're doing the right thing by getting an MRI. I hope that you will have your results quickly, as you are already going through a lot.
  In the meantime, I read about your therapists both leaving, and I was wondering if it is possible for them to refer you to a therapist that they would recommend, and since they know your occupational background,as well as past history, maybe it would be easier for them to find someone that they feel would understand your situation. 
   I hope that you don't feel all alone in this world. I will never forget, that when I lost someone that meant the absolute world to me, you were one of the strangers that wrote to me, and helped pull me through to where I am now. I don't know that you would have realized how helpful you were to me. I owe you a tremendous amount of gratitude, but I am also willing to return that favour to you. There are others here too, that would only be too happy to listen.
  I just wanted to let you know, that I'm here, and if you want to write to me privately, that's fine too. Either way, you have friends here.
   
 

183
Main / Re: Being Supportive
« on: January 06, 2007, 02:27:44 PM »
Hi Venus,

   I think that because the relationship is a young one, your boyfriend may not feel that he wants to "burden" you with his feelings of grief, or he may just want to concentrate on the grieving of his mother on his own.
  I think that if you talked to your boyfriend and said exactly what you said in your first note here, that would be all that you can do now. Wendy's approach of sending him a card, stating that you would like to help him if you can, is also something that I think is great. Either way is good.
  You've said that you have called him, and he had said he would call you back, but hasn't. I think that at this point in time, it may be difficult for your friend, to focus on a developing relationship,and it may be his intention to proceed with it later, but for now, he doesn't seem to be ready.
   I think he does know that you are there for him, but hearing it again, is a good idea. After that, in my opinion, I would let him contact you. If he doesn't, unfortunately it is the wrong time for him.

184
Main / Re: New Year's
« on: January 04, 2007, 06:22:25 PM »
Hi Lauren,

   I think that there are times, where I am flooded with memories, and it's okay, and there are other times, where the memories seem to just make the missing of my mother, like taking 10 steps in the wrong direction. 
  In the very beginning, I would have bad dreams, in that my mother had always already passed away, and she would just be laying there, and I would be so upset in these dreams. If I do dream about my mother now, I most often am not remembering it when I wake up.
  I know from some of your previous messages, that your mother could be abusive, and maybe that is one reason, that these sorts of dreams can recur for you. I wish it wasn't so.   
   As far as coming home here, yes absolutely. I write some of my deepest thoughts about grief here, and I always know that someone will listen and also that someone will understand. I love having that. Best wishes to you in 2007, Lauren. I always enjoy hearing from you too.

185
Main / Re: New Year's
« on: January 02, 2007, 06:24:18 AM »
Hi JustMe,

   Thanks for your reply. I too am glad that I have the memories, although I am still finding pain in them. I remember that it was a real joy to come home from school, and see an apple pie sitting on the table, for dinner dessert. We would just be thrilled, as we seldom had dessert of any sort. When I was 7, I attempted my first pie, and by 9 I was baking them on my own.  We did not have a lot of money, when I was young, and anything special would be so much appreciated.
   We never forget our mothers, and it is nice to have a part of them still with us.

186
Main / Re: New Year's
« on: January 01, 2007, 10:34:32 AM »
Hi Lonnie,
   Thanks for your reply. Since Christmas day, we have had the flu go through our house with a vengeance, so we have mainly been housebound right through till last night, and decided to go out to dinner.
  I sometimes am still frustrated by my own ideals, that when you are "healed"(what an inappropriate phrase) from grief, you would only look back with good memories and fondness, smile and get on with your life. In reality, there are those memories, that pull you back, and cause that old scar to become painful all over again.
   Wow, you and your husband, must have self-control up to the hilt, if you could wait that long until you openned your gifts. I would be dragging myself across the floor to get to the gifts, but maybe that's just me...  ; )
   It's always nice to hear from you Lonnie. I wish you the best in the new year.

187
Main / New Year's
« on: December 31, 2006, 09:03:54 PM »
Hi,

   It is just over 2 years, that my mother passed away, and even though my life is now as normal as it could be, I still have those moments that take me back and really make me realize how much I still miss my mom.
   We were out to dinner tonight and the waves came over me, and when we returned home, I was making a traditional New Year's treat, that my mother had taught me to make when I was a little girl. I remembered my mother slaving over the stove, and perspiring with the stress of trying to make dinner and cook this treat over hot oil, at the same time. I would be helping her and running back to catch a minute or two of Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour. I don't think my mother ever enjoyed cooking, and because she was so busy, I ended up learning how to cook at a very young age, so that I could make all of the things, that my mother didn't have time to do.
  Anyway, I don't know if I call these memories bitter- sweet, as much as pain filled, as even though time has gone on, there are still times when the wounds feel like they are gaping.
  I know now, that I can get through these times(and that's a relief to know that),
but even after all this time, these moments do occur. Thanks so very much for listenning, and I hope that everyone has a good year in 2007.

188
Main / Re: another Christmas
« on: December 24, 2006, 05:27:02 PM »
Hi Lauren,

   It's too bad that you are having trouble posting, as I really like the way that you write, and have appreciated the messages you send, from the time that I first joined this board.   
   You are great to remind me of God's love for us. My mother is probably patting you on the back, even as I write this. 
  I hope that you too have a wonderful Christmas.

189
Main / Re: another Christmas
« on: December 24, 2006, 07:07:49 AM »
Hi Geraldine,Lonnie and Johnboy,

    Thanks very much for your replies. The beauty of this board, is that when I write these messages, I am guaranteed that someone out there understands.
 I was talking to a very close friend last night, and I explained the situation to her, that I think I am as close to being "healed" with this grief as I am ever going to be, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss my mom, and that I don't want to ever forget how important she was and still is, in my life. Geraldine, you are right in saying that, we would love to talk about our loved ones still. I join Lonnie in saying, that I would be happy to listen.
  Lonnie, once again thankyou. I appreciate that you always listen. Please feel free to talk about your father at any time. I hope that there will be some happy memories for you this Christmas, and I hope that it is not too difficult for you.
   Johnboy, you are I'm sure everything that your parents ever wished for in a son. I am in no doubt, that they were always and are still proud of you.
  I hope that you and everyone else here, is able to find some peace this Christmas.

190
Main / another Christmas
« on: December 23, 2006, 07:44:06 PM »
Hi,
    Today, was the third Christmas celebration without my mother. It has only been two years since she passed away, but the first Christmas was only a month after she died.
   I must admit, that it still seems awkward, that my mother is rarely mentionned, if at all in conversations with my brothers and sisters. I don't really understand this, but we were always a family, not to bring up conflict, anything controversial etc. .
  Yesterday, I was looking through an old drawer, for an item that I hadn't seen in a while. When I openned the drawer, I saw a brightly coloured card. I openned it up, and inside was a Christmas verse, as well as a message from my mom, wishing my family and I a wonderful Christmas. I have mentionned on this board before, that my mother always took extreme care in picking out cards. The message always had to be worded exactly with the words that she would have liked to use, and she always wrote in her own thoughts afterwards. I used to be impatient when I was younger, and try to speed things up, by picking out any card, that I would think would get us out of the store quicker, but it had to be the exact card and I was never able to get her to  search any faster.
  I like to think that these "finds" are more than coincidence. I know that my mother was always giving more of herself than she took, and the love that she had for me and I for her, has not died. Thankyou for listenning.
 

191
Main / Re: I would like to ask everyone a question
« on: December 22, 2006, 08:54:39 AM »
Hi Johnboy,

   I'm not a dream expert, but I think that maybe what is happenning, is that your sub-conscious mind, is still working on the healing aspects of the grief, and since your awake mind, is dealing with the fact that the anniversary of your parents' death is approaching, your subconscious mind, is in a way reliving the events as well.
    For a long period of time, I would feel that I was coping okay in day to day living, and yet at night,in my sleep,  I would have night terrors, where I would be completely overwhelmed and frightened beyond belief about my mom being gone, and having no clue as to how I would live without her. I would sometimes awake in a sweat, or be "crying in my dreams" about this incredible fear.  It wasn't pretty.
   I hope it is just temporary for you, but I think that it must be fairly common.
   

192
Main / Re: 4 days and it will be a year
« on: December 21, 2006, 11:36:30 AM »
Hi Johnboy,
   I hope that you have a wonderful get together. Thanks for coming here to show others the hope, that can come from the tragedy that you faced.
  Have a wonderful Christmas! I wish you the best.

193
Main / Re: 64
« on: December 21, 2006, 06:46:37 AM »
Hi Patty,

   I agree that it doesn't matter how many years go by. The birthdays and other special days are always full of memories and reminders of how much we miss our loved ones. I hope that good memories brought you some peace.     
     
     
   

   

194
Main / Re: I'm new and scared
« on: December 16, 2006, 12:22:50 PM »
Hi Sophia,

    My family had celebrated Christmas in the church basement of my parents' church for several years, as I come from a large family. My mother died suddenly in November of 2004, and a month later, we celebrated Christmas(which didn't feel like a celebration at all) in that same basement, where my mother's funeral had been held. I wouldn't wish that on anyone!! It was horrific, as the funeral had been so recent and then to have Christmas at the same location.
  Last year and this year, I have begged to have Christmas at my parents' home
and I have offerred to do turkey and trimmings, just to make the offer sweeter.
Thank goodness, that works.
  Someone told me right after my mom died, that the "hole" will get smaller. It meant a lot to me then, but I realize it is true now.

195
Main / Re: I'm new and scared
« on: December 15, 2006, 09:32:04 PM »
Hi Sophia,
   I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I know that everything must be overwhelming right now, and the fact that it is nearing Christmas, makes it especially difficult.
  You are asking if there is anything that helps. I found that when I was on my own, and I just wanted to talk to my mom, I did. I told her, what was on my mind, or I wrote my feelings down in a journal. This helped relieve the stress of
not being able to talk to my mom, like I had always done on a daily basis.
  I buy an angel ornament for the tree each year(it's been two), as a special memorial tribute to my mom.
   I think that the feelings that you are going through are all very normal. It's just that this is such a difficult time for you.
  As far as Christmas goes, maybe it would make it easier, if you did what you wanted to do this year, as opposed to what everyone else wants. I think the firsts are often the hardest, and if a certain place makes for a better Christmas for you, then that's what you should do. In the first few months, my best friend would tell me to take one baby step at a time, in order to make it through. I wish the best for you. 

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