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Messages - roseygirl61

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: birthday
« on: February 03, 2012, 07:02:38 AM »
Jason, I can only offer you what I have experienced with my son, Matt.  Teenagers are a fickle breed to say the least...LOL
I agree STRONGLY with Terry, counseling is a wonderful tool, use it!!  Family counseling is wonderful as well, but I think he will need some one on one first before he can express his feelings with you. I always had an open wonderful relaitionship with Matt until Bill passed.  He clammed up so damn fast it was unnerving. 
My only other advice is, if at first you don't succeed, try try again....we went to 5 different counselors before we found someone he could relate to and then went for family counseling even though it was just the two of us.  It has worked wonders for us. PLEASE try it.
Matt had his first birthday without Bill in November, we did a 'Special Day", just the two of us and his girlfriend. We went shopping, bowling, ice skating and dinner and a movie, he was so occupied and exhausted when the day was over he didn't have time to sit and think about the fact that his Dad wasn't with him.  It was exhausting for me, but it worked for him.
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do, but just know your pain and exhaustion needs to be put on a back burner, and I'm not trying so sound mean or anything, but a childs pain is heartbreaking....and know he will always need you there for him.  xoxoxo

Spouse, Partner Loss / Hello All!
« on: January 23, 2012, 08:28:33 PM »
Just checking in, haven't posted in quite some time.  Well it's been a long hard eight months today......not feeling much better but taking each day one at time.  Have been taking my son Matt for greif counseling and he is doing much better after 5 different counselors I finally found a wonderful couunselor named Bob which Matt has been seeing now for two months, he did VERY well through the Holidays, much better than I did.  I miss Bill so much and sometimes still can't beleive it's real.  I'm still having nightmares but not as often which is a good thing. I've had my ups and downs with family and friends, guess they all think life just goes on, easier said than done. I actually have a sister that tried to set me up with someone, I was just horrified at the thought of it.  My only concern is for the well being of my son, but no one seems to understand that.  Hopefully we can all find some healing and peace in this new year ahead.
Thinking of you all as I try to manage and contain my own grief...Terry I am sorry for the loss of your father may you have some peace and healing as well, you do so much for others...xoxoxo

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Merry CHristmas All!
« on: December 25, 2011, 09:50:29 AM »
Merry christmas to you as well.  As much as i would love to beleive I am not alone, I feel I am.  If not for my son, Matt, I don't think I would have even gotten out of bed today.  I do Thank God for Matt and hope the New year will bring some emotional healing for us all. :) Still smiling through it all.....Hope everyone can have a peaceful day.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Here's my story.....
« on: October 20, 2011, 07:22:41 PM »
I'm sorry for your losses as well. It just doesn't seem right to have to go through this anguish and pain. Maybe I'm in the oh so sorry for myself mood today, just doesn't seem fair? cliche I guess. Just opened the mail and found out Bill's head stone will be put up at the cemetary tomorrow, guess this will be another hurdle.  I haven't been able to go yet, but I will this weekend now.....ouch!
I have found it easier to avoid family and friends maybe I'm just not ready to talk openly to them. Of course there are also the "friends" that now avoid me for a lack of knowing what to say, which is fine, I prefer they not ask everytime I see or talk to them anyway. maybe a greif counseling group would be good.  I will have to check into that.
Thanks for the kind words and just for listening.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Here's my story.....
« on: October 20, 2011, 06:08:31 PM »
I miss my husband Bill so much I just ache all over.  He passed away May 23, I still have a hard time beleiving the whole thing actually happened sometimes.  I still look for him, think I hear his voice and the nightmares are unbearable!
Monday morning I took my son to school, went to work. Bill was suposed to pick Matt up at school, he had a half day and they were going for lunch and to play golf, only he didn't show up.  Matt calls me work to tell me he wasn't there and the bus left already and he wasn't answering the phone....poor kid he was so angry thinking he forgot.  I of course knew something was terribly wrong, he would never forget to pick him up.  I picked Matt up from school and he wanted to go to his friends house, thank God!!  I went home to find him slumped over in his recliner in the family room, he had a heart attack and life as I knew it was over.  How do I move on and push through it all??
I feel empty and so alone.  I know life is supposed to go on, I have lost both parents and three brothers, so I know about grief, but this is so different for me and I'm not sure it's me or the pain Matt is in that makes this seem so much harder.
I can't seem to focus and although I have a wonderful support group of family and friends I seem to be avoiding most people and places that are associated with what we used to do together.....not right is it?

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« on: October 12, 2011, 06:32:27 PM »
I'm new here have read some posts and realize just how much the Holidays are going to be way too hard this year. :(
My husband passed away the end of May, it was such a shock, I was numb for weeks and sometimes think I am still just numb.  On his birthday, August 22nd my nephew passed away, again unexpected.  I don't know which way to turn at this point. I have a 15 year old son, so I think I have to go through the motions I just don't know where to get the strength to do it any more.  I'm soo very worried about Matt, my son, that I don't think I have taken the proper steps of greiving myself.
It's time to take those steps for proper healing, just don't know where to begin.  Sometimes i think I'm going crazy, can't sleep or think straight, forget things and am just in a fog. Yes I beleive the Holidays are going to be real tough!

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