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Topics - John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Child Loss / Weekly Question-Painful Memories
« on: December 11, 2006, 06:08:35 AM »
Dear Friends,
Once a week, I will post a thought-provoking question(s) related to some aspect of our beloved child’s life/death. This may help several bereaved parents express feelings and emotions that we may not be able to express alone.

REMEMBER: There is no RIGHT or WRONG answers…only what each of us feels during these terrible times in our lives.

Today we will talk about “triggers” in our lives after the death of our beloved child.

1)   Do you find that there is one thing that triggers painful memories more than others?
2)   If so, what is it?
3)   What is the one thing that seems to trigger gentler or happy memories?

My answers/comments:
1) Do you find that there is one thing that triggers painful memories more than others?
Yes…It triggers gut-wrenching and painful memories of how our beloved Danielle Marie was so suddenly killed and taken from her family. It will forever be a reminder that Danielle is no longer here on earth for us to love and be loved by her.

2) If so, what is it?
It is the cemetery; it is knowing that our daughter lies dead in a coffin; it is seeing her grave, and seeing her headstone and knowing that there is not a DAMN thing that I can do to bring my beautiful daughter back and hold her in my arms again!
3) What is the one thing that seems to trigger gentler or happy memories?
Seeing her smile in a photo and knowing that she ALWAYS was a loving and happy young girl. Remembering fun family times with her and how much she loved outdoors.
Hearing others talk about how much she is loved and missed.

Child Loss / Poem: Remember
« on: December 08, 2006, 06:04:29 AM »

I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory.

When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcendent,
Just remember me.

I Am the one star
That keeps burning
So brightly
It is the last light
To fade into the rising sun.

And with you
whenever you tell
My story
For I am all I've done.

I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Remember me.

I Am that one voice
In the cold wind
That whispers
And if you listen
You'll hear me call across the sky.

As long as
I still can reach out
And touch you
Then I will never die.

I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me.

(Remember me.)

I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory.

When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcendent
I live forever,
Remember me.

Remember me.

Child Loss / Poem: Perfection Wasted
« on: December 08, 2006, 06:02:30 AM »
Perfection Wasted
By John Updike

And another regrettable thing about death
is the ceasing of your own brand of magic,
which took a whole life to develop and market --
the quips, the witticisms, the slant
adjusted to a few, those loved ones nearest
the lip of the stage, their soft faces blanched
in the footlight glow, their laughter close to tears,
their tears confused with their diamond earrings,
their warm pooled breath in and out with your heartbeat,
their response and your performance twinned.
The jokes over the phone. The memories
packed in the rapid-access file. The whole act.
Who will do it again? That's it: no one;
imitators and descendants aren't the same.

Information: The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

Hundreds of thousands of bereaved parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, and friends will join
together this Sunday, December 10, for The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting and you are invited to participate, whether at a formal service, or at home with family and friends. While the event is officially observed for one hour at 7 p.m. local time around the world, formal services will be held throughout the day.

This year, more than 350 services are presently listed on the TCF national website representing 12 countries. In the United States, there is a tremendous show of unity with services in nearly all 50 states plus Washington DC. Other countries with known services include Austria, Bahrain, Canada, Cayman Islands, England, Germany, Guam, Poland, Puerto Rico, Switzerland, and Thailand.

Persons seeking a Worldwide Candle Lighting event to attend may check for local services by visiting Worldwide Candle Lighting Events. Check often. More listings are being added all the time. Also, please check your local newspaper for additional services not submitted to the TCF national website. If you learn of a service not included on the TCF national website and can provide information, please submit it at: Worldwide Candle Lighting Submission Form.

Did you know you can help make the Worldwide Candle Lighting even more special by writing a message anytime throughout the day in the Remembrance Book on the national website? Visit the Remembrance Book, Sunday only, at to place a message in memory of a special child or to simply share your thoughts. You will be joining people from around the world in this act of remembrance. Last year we received messages from people in 24 countries. Stop back throughout the next few weeks to read the many messages of love and loss.

If you know someone who would like to learn of the Worldwide Candle Lighting, please forward this e-mail to them using the link below.

If you are unable to attend a formal Worldwide Candle Lighting service, we encourage you to light a candle at 7 p.m., local time, wherever you may be

. . .that their light may always shine!

Child Loss / Inspirational-HOPE FOR THE DAY
« on: December 07, 2006, 06:48:47 AM »

Sometimes all we want to know is when the lonely ache of loss is going to go away. We never knew that
anything could hurt this deep and this long, and we seek answers to find some relief. How will I know
when I am beginning to find some healing? What can I do today to make this pain feel better? How do I get back my zest for living? When will the world feel like a safe, happy place again?

Loss changes everything about our “normal” in an instant. Suddenly our world feels upside down and out
of control. Our thoughts race, but they only fall into a dark tunnel of fear and loneliness. Nothing seems
to fit any more. The pain of loss is everywhere.

There is no easy way to explain how healing takes place except by saying that when the seeds of hope begin to sprout; life begins to once again have meaning. Hope is not pretending that there isn’t any sorrow. Rather, hope is calling on that inner strength that is part of each of us to sustain us until we gradually find happiness again.

There is strength found in everyday things . . . . .smiles, kind words, the warm rays of sunshine, and the listening ear of a friend. Even the far away sounds of the songbird whistling a thankful tune can begin to
unleash that inner strength found in hope.

Be assured that hope is alive, and it is gently tending to the needs of your heart. The day will arrive when you will know that joy has filled your soul once again! --C. Hinton

“Hope always arrives on time with a special song for the heart.” --Clara Hinton

Child Loss / Poem-When You Hurt
« on: December 07, 2006, 06:45:02 AM »

When you hurt. It matters.
The sun doesn't feel as warm. The moon loses its luster.
The stars lack their usual radiance and seconds seem like an eternity.
When you hurt...
Nothing sounds as sweet.
Little ballerinas on music boxes don't twirl so daintily,
And funny movies, cause tears to emerge.
When you hurt.
Imagination and curiosity retreat.
No bell rings when an angel receives their Wings,
And fairy tales, have no "happily ever after."
When you hurt.
It doesn't help to hear that "I hurt too."
Because the possibility of another in so much pain, seems impossible.
When you hurt. It matters.
So much that, I'm not going away.
Even if you tell me to.
Even if you shut the door.
Even if "silence" is all you can offer.
Even if my outstretched hand is too scary for you to reach for.
When you hurt. It matters,
And I will be there. Because you did the same for me.
And, it mattered

author unkown (at least to me)

Child Loss / Why Christmas Is The Hardest Holiday?
« on: December 06, 2006, 12:43:37 PM »
Why Christmas Is The Hardest Holiday?

by Darcie Sims
Reprinted from November/December 1987 issue of Bereavement Magazine.
Copyright 2001 Bereavement Publishing, Inc. 1-888-604-4673

Why Christmas Is The Hardest Holiday? Is it because of all those traditions that mean so much but now lie broken and empty in my heart? Is it especially hard now...because every time I try to roll out the cookie dough, tears drop
into little salt pools on the counter?

Is Christmas so hard now because of all the tinsel and tissue? Because of all the crowds dashing madly into and out of stores...buying something wonderful for someone wonderful? Is Christmas so hard now because I don’t need to shop or bake or decorate any more? Is Christmas so hard because I don't have someone wonderful any more?

It's been a long time since I endured my first bereaved holiday season, but even now, my heart sometimes still echoes with emptiness as I roll out the cookie dough or hang his special ornament on our treasure tree.

I think that hurt will always be with me, but now I know it only as a momentary ache - not like the first year when grief washed over me in waves, each new wave hurling me deeper and deeper into despair.

And it's not like the second year’s hurt when I found myself both surprised and angry that IT hadn't gone away yet. I grew anxious about my sanity in the third year when my hands shook as I unwrapped the precious ornaments. When was I going to get better?! When was grief going to end?! Was I doomed to suffer miserably at every holiday for the rest of my life?!

The year the little satin balls fell off the tree, I gave up. Even the Christmas tree died! As my daughter and I dragged the brittle (and shedding) mess out into the snowdrift on Christmas morning, I knew we had reached the
bottom. He had died, but we were alive. Had our grief so permeated our house, our lives that even a Christmas tree could not survive? His death was more than enough...had we lost love, too?

That was the year we began to understand. And that was the year we decided to keep Christmas anyway. So what if our now completely bare tree was stuck in the snowdrift, already waiting for the garbage men? So what if the cookies were still a bit too salty with tears?

In the middle of that Christmas day, now years past, we returned to that forlorn, frozen stick of a tree. And
carefully, we hung the bare branches with popcorn strings and suet balls (not quite the same as satin!). I'm sure we were a strange sight that afternoon, but with a mixture of tears and snowflakes, we began to let the hurt out and make room for the healing to begin.

With each kernel strung, we found ourselves remembering. Some memories came with pain. Others began to grow within us - warming heart-places we thought had frozen long ago.

By the time we were finished, we were exhausted. Memories take a lot of work! At last we had a tree (although it was not the one we were expecting), but we had one, decorated with tears and memories, sadness and remembered laughter.

And now we've grown older (and maybe a little wiser) and we've learned that love isn’t something you toss out, bury, pack away, or forget. Love isn't something that ends with death.

Life can become good and whole and complete once again not when we try to till up the empty spaces left by loved ones no longer within hug's reach, but when we realize that love creates new spaces in the heart and expands the spirit and deepens the joy of simply being alive.

We saved a tiny twig from that frozen remind us of what we almost lost. That was the year we chose to let Christmas come back. Now we don't have to wait for joy to return. For now we know it lives within us - where
Christmas is EVERY DAY.

Child Loss / Question of the Week...Part 2
« on: December 06, 2006, 06:24:03 AM »
Dear Friends,
I will post a thought-provoking question(s) related to some aspect of our beloved child’s life/death. This may help several bereaved parents express feelings and emotions that we may not be able to express alone.

REMEMBER: There is no RIGHT or WRONG answers…only what each of us feels during these terrible times in our lives.

Since there are so many new members who have recently joined our Bereaved Parent support group. Yesterday, we shared our beloved sons/daughters with our new family. Today, I thought we could share a little bit about ourselves.
***REMEMBER, Use caution with the amount of information that you give out!

1)   Your name
2)   Your child/children and their ages
3)   Your age range or age, if you want to tell all
4)   Favorite music, songs, musicians
5)   Favorite TV shows, movies, books
6)   Hobbies, special interests, talents
7)   Your personal quirks, vices, bad habits
8)   Your food likes/dislikes
9)   Anything else about yourself or any thoughts you have that you would like to share.

My answers/comments:
1) Your name
2) Your child/children and their ages
My Beloved Angel daughter, Danielle Marie (forever 11)
My Beloved son, Jonathan David (14)
3) Your age range or age, if you want to tell all
I am 42 years old…Feel like 72…
4) Favorite music, songs, musicians
I enjoy most types of music.
Everything from Elvis, Johnny Cash, Metallica and BB King.
I really enjoy Southern Rock and Texas Blues.
5) Favorite TV shows, movies, books
TV Shows: 2 and a half men, Football, Basketball (UConn Huskies), ER, My name is Earl and CSI
Movies: Mobster Movies, All the Godfather movies, Good Fellows, The Untouchables, Once Upon A Time In America and Casino (Anything with Robert De Niro, Al Pacino or Joe Pesci)
Books: Haven’t really read too many books once we had kids. Enjoy Steven King.
6) Hobbies, special interests, talents
Hobbies: Woodworking, computer repair and upgrade, camping, hiking and fishing
Special Interests: I was a Cub Scout den leader, now I am an assistant Scoutmaster in my son’s Boy Scout troop.
I enjoy cooking and working around the house…Jack-of-all-trades…master of none.
7) Your personal quirks, vices, bad habits
When I was younger (before kids) I smoked and drank too much. Now I don’t smoke (occasionally an good Cigar). And I only drink on occasion (I have had the same 12 pack in the fridge since May).
8) Your food likes/dislikes
I enjoy most foods. Pizza and burgers are on the top of the list. A good steak or salmon dinner is also great.
I dislike anything that I cannot pronounce or recognize.
9) Anything else about yourself or any thoughts you have that you would like to share with our "new" family.
As I have stated in the past, this is a place where I NEVER thought I would need to be. I am grateful to all of you here to help us all on this journey. I hope that I will be able to lend the same love and support also.
Thanks you for being here.

Child Loss / Added to calender: 1st anniversary of death
« on: December 06, 2006, 06:14:27 AM »
 :'(Missing you SO MUCH Danielle, There is NO JOY today as we remember the horrible accident that took you from your loving family. We LOVE you sweetheart.:'(

Child Loss / Added Birthday to Calender
« on: December 06, 2006, 06:06:05 AM »
Danielle Marie, The tears fall as we remember your birthday. Happy Birthday in Heaven Sweetheart.

Child Loss / December Birthdays and Anniversary dates
« on: December 06, 2006, 05:58:51 AM »
Hello My Dear Friends,
Just a little note to say that I will be praying for all your beloved children who have birthdays or death anniversary days during this month. I know that this month may be particularly difficult for some. I wish you peace and comfort as you remember your beloved child during the month of December.

Child Loss / Information...Angels
« on: December 05, 2006, 01:45:57 PM »

     According to many religions an angel is a spiritual being created by God. The word angel comes from a Greek word meaning messenger or one who is sent. According to religious tradition, angels live in heaven and act as God’s servants and as messengers between God and human beings. They also serve as guardians of individuals and nations. Angels traditionally are pictured as having a human body and wings. Poets and artists have portrayed angels as symbols of innocence or virtue.
     In some religions, legends tell of bright, powerful spirits that appear in dreams and visions and protect people or tribes. In Hinduism and Buddhism, many major gods are accompanied by a band or court of spiritual beings.
     Judaism, Christianity, and Islam developed the most elaborate doctrines about angels. These religions recognize an order of beings in which angels rank above human beings but under God. God is all-powerful and the human is sometimes portrayed as in Gods image.
     The concept of angels with a human body and wings began in the Hebrew Bible or Old Testament, and in Christianity. Later tradition refers to many archangels, angels of high rank, including Saint Michael.
     Christian doctrine regarding angels reached full development during the AD 1100’s and 1200’s especially in the teachings of Saint Thomas Aquinas. Aquinas believed angels were necessary to fill the gap between God and human beings. He taught that countless numbers of angels existed and that they were immortal. According to Aquinas, angels knew everything except what depended on human choice and what was known only to God.
     The Islamic belief in angels resembles that of Judaism and Christianity. These three faiths place angels near God and give special duties to some.

Child Loss / Poem: To A Keeper
« on: December 05, 2006, 10:47:05 AM »
One day someone special will be gone.
And on that clear, cold morning,
In the warmth of your bedroom,
You might be struck with
The pain of learning that sometimes
There isn't any more.
No more hugs,
No more lucky moments to celebrate together,
No more phone calls just to chat,
No more "just one minute."
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
Never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say "I Love You."
So while we have it . . it's best we love it . .
And care for it and fix it when it's broken .
And take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage .... And friendships ...
And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep --
Like a best friend who moved away
Or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
Make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important,
And so are the people we know .
And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today
Who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent It to the people
I Think of in the same way!
Now it's your turn to send this to all those people
Who Are "keepers" in your life!
Thank you very much
For being a special part of MY Life!

Child Loss / Question Of the Week-Getting to Know Them
« on: December 05, 2006, 06:03:54 AM »
Dear Friends,
Once a week, I will post a thought-provoking question(s) related to some aspect of our beloved child’s life/death. This may help several bereaved parents express feelings and emotions that we may not be able to express alone.

REMEMBER: There is no RIGHT or WRONG answers…only what each of us feels during these terrible times in our lives.

Since there are so many new members who have recently joined our Child Loss support group, I thought we could share a little about our son/daughter who we were so blessed to have in our life.
***REMEMBER, Use caution with the amount of information that you give out!

1)   Your son/daughter' s name
2)   His/Her mom and/or dad's name
3)   Month of his/her birth, and age at his/her death
4)   Favorite music, songs, musicians, singers
5)   Hobbies, special interests, talents
6)   Personal quirks, vices, bad habits
7)   Special accomplishments, awards, honors
8)   Foods likes and dislikes
9)   Favorite books, movies, television shows
10)   Anything else significant about your son/daughter     you would like to share.

My answers/comments:
1) Your son/daughter' s name
Danielle Marie
2) His/Her mom and/or dad's name
3) Month of his/her birth, and age at his/her death
January 4, 1995 / Died at the age of 11 years, 1 month and 17 days old
4) Favorite music, songs, musicians, singers
Danielle loved music, Hillary Duff was her favorite, has all her CDs.
She loved all the NOW music CDs
Others: Smash Mouth, Mariah Carey, Lindsey Lohan and Play
5) Hobbies, special interests, talents
WOW, long list:
Loved to play music, Violin (selected to the Silver Star Advanced Orchestra in 4th grade), electric keyboard (she taught herself), and loved to sing and dance with her karaoke machine.
Loves to swim, play softball and basketball, go camping, Danielle was a true “outdoors” girl. As long as there were no BEES…She hated Bees!
Danielle had a unique talent of being able to make another young child feel comfortable in a difficult situation. She would put aside her own fears or concerns to ensure that each child had a good time with her.
Danielle was also a Girl Scout and had gone all the way from a Daisy in kindergarten. She performed many hours of community service and had achieved many of the badges of several the required achievements.
6) Personal quirks, vices, bad habits
Danielle was really too young to pick up too many bad habits. She bit her nails and when she was in second grade, decided to give herself a haircut…TWO DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL PICTURES! Thank God to a very understanding hairdresser…Danielle was presentable.
7) Special accomplishments, awards, honors
Selected to the Silver Star Advanced Orchestra in 4th grade
Several awards form her school, Reading buddy, and camp group leader.
8) Foods likes and dislikes
Danielle was one of the few kids I know that would actually try new foods. She had a very healthy appetite and her (and her brother) were not real fussy eaters and ate pretty much everything.
9) Favorite books, movies, television shows
Books: Lizzie McGuire books, Books about young girls adventures, animals and babies.
Movies: Freaky Friday, The Princess Diaries (one & two), The Parent Trap (remake), Cheaper by the Dozen and The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Television: That’s So Raven, Lizzie McGuire, Sponge Bob, Square Pants, Anything on Disney or Nick.
10) Anything else significant about your son/daughter you would like to share.
Danielle enjoyed spending time with her family. Each holiday was very special when our family would be together and Danielle and her cousins had a good time and were all exhausted at the end of the day. Danielle’s life was full of laughter, love and adventure. She was a very special young lady, loved and cherished by many. Danielle Marie was a fun loving, happy young lady who was talented and succeeded in any task or challenge that she would take on.
God, I love and miss her SO MUCH!!!

Child Loss / Hello Everyone
« on: December 05, 2006, 05:53:47 AM »
HI everyone...I too have "figured it out". I have been reading everyone's post for the last couple of days. I missed you all.

Thanks for getting the board up and running ASAP.

(((HUGS))) to all,
John, Forever Danielle Marie's daddy

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