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Topics - John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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31
Child Loss / Religious Article-Where is God in your grief?
« on: September 03, 2008, 05:46:12 AM »
Where is God in your grief?

(In this article there will be reference to God. But that Name is meant to include whatever you call the Supreme Being. The pronoun ‘he’ is used for simplicity, not to denote gender.)

Somewhere in the shock of trauma and death, there is a time when a person will focus on God. Whether we are in frequent communication, or seldom mention his name except in vain, we turn to God now. We cannot fathom the reality of what has just happened. We know that God can change it, and we’ll offer anything – anything! – in barter for this one favor.

One woman promised to stop smoking if God would spare the life of a relative severely injured in an accident. Every time things weren’t going well, someone called her and asked if she was sneaking cigarettes! In our helplessness, this is the power of what Psychology calls ‘Magical Thinking’. We assume that our offering was so coveted by God that he would cease functioning as God and accept our terms.

In time, reality comes crashing in. We know this isn’t how God works, but we’re vehemently angry anyway. Why wouldn’t the all-powerful Being do this one little (for him!) thing? Why would he let me down? Why would God let this horrible thing happen? Why would he let this wonderful person suffer? Where was he when this happened? And WHERE the heck is God now? When we need him the most, we find no love, no comfort. We see no logic. Our faith is shaken. We feel abandoned, forgotten, unloved and uncared for.

This hostility is expressed in many ways. We might act it out, being very rude and bitter towards others. Risky or violent behavior may be evident as we try to release the frustration. We might withdraw, becoming silent and uncommunicative. There might be total commitment to bringing our version of justice to the perpetrator. In what feels like rejection, we totally reject God.

This is a natural part of the grief process. It’s extremely important, even healthy, to express this animosity. It is not heresy. In any religion’s holy book, there are examples of humans railing against the Supreme Being. God can take it. Bring it on.

We often hear the term ‘crisis of faith’. It is used lightly to describe times when we question God and our beliefs. This skepticism is actually part of the growth process toward a deeper faith. A true crisis is traumatic and devastating. Things that have been the foundation of our being no longer make sense. Maybe it was all one big mistake? Have I been gullible and misled all this time? If I wasn’t hearing God then, who or what was I following? It can be a shattering experience by itself. Add it to grief, and a person can get lost.

An ironic aspect of this is that at the same time we are rejecting God, we can feel guilty about doing so. Remember that logic is not a large part of grieving.

This is an excellent time to seek out an ordained person, such as the chaplain or a leader of a congregation, for a short chat. Talking out these feelings is the best way to recovery. Keeping them hidden, or expressing them inappropriately, can have very serious consequences to your emotional and physical health.

What a clergy person will tell you is that your feelings are okay. Christians have the example of Christ himself feeling the same way on the Cross. “My God, my God, why have you forgotten ME?”

You will be reminded that God is with you now, has always been, and has been with your loved one. We have examples in sacred texts of God showing sadness and grief over what happens to his beloved human children. We are made in God’s image. If we can be sad, so can God. If we cry, so does God. At the Crucifixion, the curtain in the Temple was torn in two. This is the classic Hebrew symbol of grief. Some Jews today will pin a torn piece of cloth to their clothing, over their hearts, to show mourning. Know that in your desperation, God had his arms around you and feels your pain.

Why couldn’t you hear him? With all the noise going on in your head, who could hear anything? We have to ‘be still and know’ God’s very real presence. A radio can’t receive a signal until it stops broadcasting.

And you will be reminded of God’s never changing love for you. Just like the Prodigal Father, God welcomes you back from despair with open arms. His grace and forgiveness are abundant, as yours should then be to others.

You’ll be reminded that life happens, but that God turns all things to the good, though we may never see it happen. And that’s okay, too. Let go and let God.

Ask for the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/


32
Child Loss / Article: Will I Ever Get My Old Wife Back?
« on: September 03, 2008, 05:07:03 AM »
Will I Ever Get My Old Wife Back?
By David and Nancy Guthrie

I (Nancy) remember when it really hit me for the first time. It was a couple days after receiving Hope's diagnosis. We left the hospital to have Thanksgiving dinner with David's parents. And sitting in the restaurant, it began to bubble up inside me. I couldn't chat anymore. I just looked at David and said, "We have to go. Now."

Once we got to the car, a guttural cry bordering on a scream ripped out of me as I bent over in pain. It was sinking in that my daughter was going to die, and I wondered if I'd be able to bear it.

David drove along helpless. What could he do to soothe me? Or to fix this? Nothing. And I'm sure it scared him. I'm sure it made him fear what this loss was going to do to me—his wife who'd always been so happy and so much fun.

Men tend to get nervous when their wives are desperately sad and don't seem to be snapping out of it. They begin to wonder, is she going to be like this forever? Is she ever going to get over this? So what's a man to do?

• Give her time and space to release the pain. It might get worse before it gets better. So it's important to be patient.

Many times Nancy, who's 10 inches shorter than I (David) am, would bury her face in my chest and sob. At a total loss for what to do or say, I simply held her tight. As it turns out, that's exactly what she needed.

Your wife's tears are your friend. There's so much sadness inside her that has to come out. Tears are the healthy way for that pain to be released. So don't rush her through them or see them as a sign that she's broken forever.

• Recognize that you both have been changed. The loss you've experienced has changed you as individuals and therefore as a family. It has altered your perspective and priorities, and you fit together differently now. Rather than resenting or ignoring the change, make a place for it in your life. Accept that there's a broken place inside each of you that will always hurt a little. But the hurt won't always be at the forefront of your minds, in control of your emotions, or cast a shadow over every event.

• Ask her how she wants you to respond to her tears. I (Nancy) figured out quickly that David just couldn't win. I had so many tears that needed to come out, and no matter what he did, it seemed to be the wrong thing. If he moved to comfort me, I felt I needed to halt my sobbing. I knew it hurt him to hear and feel the tangible evidence of my inner pain, and so I did my best to rein it in. And if he left me alone, it hurt that he could just disregard my obvious emotional pain.

Eventually, I realized I needed to release him from the unrealistic expectation that he should automatically know what I want or need. I needed to tell him if there was something he could do.

So ask your wife what she expects from you and allow her to answer honestly.

• Stay close. In bed at night, Nancy would curl into a tight ball and cry. If I tried to comfort her, I felt her tense and disappear like an armadillo inside its shell. I'm not sure if I ever got over the feeling that she wanted to shut me out and was telling me, "There's nothing you can do to make me feel better, so don't try." In my insecurity, all my instincts were to retreat from her as if I'd been rebuffed. But somehow, mercifully, I began to understand that her actions demonstrated nothing more than the crushing pain she felt in losing a child. I determined, in these moments, to stay close, hold on to her, mostly keep my mouth shut, and be there.

In the awkward and disturbing times of coolness, think about what your wife is experiencing as if it's physical pain or injury. If she'd just broken her leg, you wouldn't be surprised or offended by her lack of affection. You'd stay close, do what you could to help, look out for her, and tell her that you love her.

Will you ever get your old wife back? Probably not. But there's the possibility, as you give her the time and space to grieve, she will feel better and she will smile again. While this loss may change her, it may also deepen and refine her. It may actually transform her in such beautiful ways and bond you to her in much deeper ways that you wouldn't take your old wife back if she were still here.

Adapted from When Your Family's Lost a Loved One: Finding Hope Together.
Copyright ©2008 by David and Nancy Guthrie. Used by permission of Focus on the Family.

33
Tragedy Strikes-Is your marriage prepared for tough times of grief?
By Nancy Guthrie

I've often likened the effect of grief on a marriage to a train going over a wooden bridge. If the bridge was fractured to begin with, the weight and trauma of the train will likely cause it to crumble. And even if the bridge is strong, the train running over it will reveal areas of weakness that need to be shored up.

Fortunately, David and I were given the gift of a strong marriage before grief "ran over" us. Not perfect. Not free of difficult issues or disappointment.
But good, intimate, fun, solid. Yet it was tested when our daughter, Hope, and then our son Gabriel, were born with a rare metabolic disorder called Zellweger Syndrome. Their lives were extremely difficult and short.

David and I spent a week at the hospital while Hope was undergoing tests to confirm or rule out the Zellweger diagnosis. During those days one of the nurses brought me A Mother's Grief Observed by Rebecca Faber, a book of reflections from a mom whose child had drowned. I read it voraciously, thinking, this is what's ahead for me.

I came to a chapter where she described the toll the grief was taking on her marriage. She resented that her husband didn't seem as sad as she was and that he'd gone back to work. He seemed just to be moving on. And a chasm was developing between them. But then she discovered that every day on the way to work he pulled to the side of the road to weep. She realized it wasn't that he wasn't grieving, but that his grief was taking its own form, its own time, and wasn't something he felt comfortable releasing with her.

I read that chapter to David. "We'll have to remember this," I told him. "It might be this way for us too."

So even as Hope's life began, long before the intense grief following her death, we were prepared that our grief would likely take different paths, and that those paths could lead us apart if we let them.

While I have no "three easy ways" to hold a marriage together in the midst of unbearable sorrow, I will share what helped us.

Talking.
As much as we were able to put our awkward feelings and creeping fears into words to each other, we did. But what proved more helpful than just talking to each other was the talking we did with other people. We worked through our thoughts, feelings, fears, theology, questions, and concerns in the process of talking about what we were going through across the table, over the phone, or sitting around the living room with people.

Many people who experience a devastating loss or difficult illness go home and hide. We welcomed the world in.

I suppose it was intimidating for many of these people. They weren't sure what to say or do and wondered if they were imposing on our privacy. But the process of talking about what we were going through—not just medical details but the spiritual questions, emotional issues, relational challenges—not only proved therapeutic, it helped bond David and me in our convictions and concerns. Sometimes we learned what the other was thinking or feeling not by saying it to each other but in the process of overhearing it shared with someone else.

Touching.
There's so much about grief for which there are no words. Only a desperate, awkward loneliness.

For a married couple, nothing salves that deep loneliness like meaningful intimacy. But with sexual intimacy comes pleasure—an uncomfortable experience in the midst of grief. To give yourself to the pleasure of sex, letting go for a few brief moments the intense sorrow, at least for a woman, feels like
betrayal. It creates conflict of the heart, mind, and body. You wonder, how can I allow myself to feel so good in the midst of feeling so bad?

And yet it's such a welcome release of the pent up emotion, such a welcome relief from the desperate loneliness.

What a comfort sexual intimacy can be in the midst of deep sorrow. It requires patience and tenderness, and perhaps even an allowance for tears, but it offers a profound intimacy that helps to forge a bonding, a strengthening against the battle grief wages against a marriage.

Expecting.
Reading that book helped prepare us to expect to grieve differently from each other. I didn't expect David to fix things, take care of everything, or express everything in a certain way. He didn't expect me to get happy, get over it, or even get up in the morning. Proper expectations—or perhaps very few expectations—helped to keep us from the disappointment and potential resentment that comes from unmet expectations.

David gave me the gift of allowing me to grieve in my own way and my own timing. And I gave him that gift in return. Our deep confidence in each other and in each other's love for Hope and Gabriel allowed us to give each other space, freedom, and grace.

Praying.
David and I often prayed together in bed in the dark. They were weak, simple prayers. Unimpressive. Inconsistent. As time went on, we began to pray less often. We felt guilty that so many people were praying for us when we were so prayerless. And yet, while we didn't spend a lot of time praying together, we were unified in our on-going conversations with our Father. We struggled through what was appropriate to expect of God. We wrangled with the various perspectives coming at us about healing and heaven, God's sovereignty and sufficiency. This spiritual unity was a solidifying force.

Respecting.
A month after Hope died; we were at a restaurant with friends who wanted to hear the whole story. As we poured it out over pasta mixed with tears, David said something I'll never forget. And I think it's the best and only true secret in terms of staying together.

With one arm around me and his other hand pointing toward me, he said, "You should have seen her. She was incredible."

It meant everything to me. It still does. And it helped us define an intangible and yet real reason we grew closer rather than apart during our experience. As we saw up close how each other responded to incredible loss and disappointment, we grew in respect for each other. And as we walked through days and nights together, facing frightening unknowns and painful realities, we grew in admiration for each other. I was amazed and impressed by David, by his solid faith and his ability to articulate it, by his tender strength, his firm grasp of unbearable realities, his courage and commitment.

Grief forces a marriage into unfamiliar terrain that requires a new set of communication skills, a new level of unselfishness, and acceptance of a new normal.
The new territory can become a place of barrenness, dryness, and ultimately death for your marriage. Or it can become fertile ground for your relationship and respect for each other to flourish.

Adapted from When Your Family's Lost a Loved One: Finding Hope Together.
Copyright ©2008 by David and Nancy Guthrie. Used by permission of Focus on the Family.

34
Child Loss / Article: Jealously-Another Facet of Grief
« on: September 03, 2008, 05:04:52 AM »
Jealously-Another Facet of Grief
By Barb Seth

Recently I received a letter from a bereaved mother. She wrote that even though it's been several years since her only daughter died, she still has bad days filled with sadness and tears. She said when she sees or hears of a mother or daughter sharing a fun time together, while she is glad for them, she is also jealous and wishes they could feel some of her emptiness, even for just a little while. She asked if her feelings were normal.

My answer is that feelings of jealously and wishing other's could experience your loss are very normal. I have felt that way, especially when people seem to be bragging about their kids (also very normal for them). I think most bereaved parents would say that they've had similar feelings also.

That's one of the reasons TCF is so important to grieving families.
Compassionate Friends validates that all feelings are okay; that to feel them and still go on living, helps us get through the grieving process.

Todd was our only son and though he died 13 1/2 years ago, sometimes it hurts a lot that he's not here, especially when I see other your men with families of their own and what they have accomplished.

Recently our daughter Cynde and her family came home from Florida for a week. One of the reasons for coming (besides to see us), was to have Wesley, her little boy baptized in our church. It turned out that one of the Sundays our minister could perform the baptism was also the day of her and Todd's birthday.
They were born on the same day, two years apart.

It was really nice to be with her on her birthday. During the service, we always pray for those with birthdays. After the minister prayed for Cynde, she asked that we also pray for her brother Todd. It have been a long time since we prayed for Todd on his birthday. It made me cry, but it felt so right.

Our daughters feel the need to see each other often, even though they live in different parts of the country. They realize family and life cannot be taken for granted. Bad things and tragic events can happen to all families.

Those families that have all their children living and living healthy productive lives, don't realize how lucky they are and that the death of their child could happen to them. They think somehow they would be able to protect their child from disaster; we know that this is not always true.

Unfortunately there is no timetable for grief - for feelings of jealously and wishing others would be more considerate of the fact we sometimes still grieve. "I will feel better in two years, five years, however many years," doesn't always happen. Slowly, members of bereaved families do feel more at peace and realize it when they look back over the time that has transpired from their child's death to the present.

Grieving the loss of a child is a lifetime process.

~Barb Seth, TCF Madison, WI
~reprinted from Madison Area Chapter July/August 2004

35
Child Loss / September Birthdays and Angelversarys
« on: September 03, 2008, 05:02:41 AM »
My Dearest Friends,
I want to wish all of you and your precious angels who are celebrating a birthday or an angelversary in September much peace, comfort and continued healing.

A VERY Happy Birthday to all our beloved angels born in September. May your parents find peace and comfort on these special dates. Help wipe the tears of sadness from their eyes and bring a smile of warmth and comfort with a happy memory of your precious life.
Moms and Dads, may you cherish your precious angel’s memories. Be kind to yourself and may a smile warm your heart as you remember all the wonderful times you spent with your children while they were here on earth with you. They are watching over you and protecting you. They are forever in your hearts.

For those beautiful sons and daughters who have angel dates during the month of September, know that you are loved and in our hearts forever.
To the parents and families of these angels, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Try and find some peace and tranquility on this date. Do something special in memory of your child, celebrate their lives, and keep their memories alive. Remember someday we will be with our angels again. They are free spirits. I want you all to know that I will keep you all in my prayers. Our children are always with us.
They may be gone, but NEVER forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I offer you the deepest and most sincere love, friendship, comfort and compassion.

Take care and God bless each and everyone of you and your precious angels!

John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/


36
Child Loss / Inspirational-The Pink Dress
« on: August 04, 2008, 12:58:10 PM »
Inspirational-The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.
Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, 'Hello.'

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a 'Hi ' after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad..

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, 'Because, I'm different.'

I immediately said, 'That you are,' and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, 'I know.'

'Little girl,' I said, 'you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.'

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said,
'Really?'
'Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by.'

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said 'I am.'

'I'm your Guardian Angel,' with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, 'For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done'.

I got to my feet and said, ' Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?'

She looked at me, smiled, and said, 'You're the only one that could see me,' and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Like the story says, we all need someone.

And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way

The value of a friend is measured in the heart.

I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/


37
Child Loss / August Birthday and Angelversarys
« on: August 04, 2008, 04:57:28 AM »
My Dearest Friends,
I want to wish all of you and your precious angels who are celebrating a birthday or an angelversary in August much peace, comfort and continued healing.

A VERY Happy Birthday to all our beloved angels born in August. May your parents find peace and comfort on these special dates. Moms and Dads, may you cherish your precious angel’s memories. Be kind to yourself and may a smile warm your heart as you remember all the wonderful times you spent with your children while they were here on earth with you. They are watching over you and protecting you. They are forever in your hearts.

For those beautiful sons and daughters who have angel dates during the month of August, know that you are loved and in our hearts forever.
To the parents and families of these angels, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Try and find some peace and tranquility on this date. Do something special in memory of your child, celebrate their lives, and keep their memories alive. Remember someday we will be with our angels again. They are free spirits. I want you all to know that I will keep you all in my prayers. Our children are always with us.
They may be gone, but NEVER forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I offer you the deepest and most sincere love, friendship, comfort and compassion.

Take care and God bless each and everyone of you and your precious angels!

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/

38
Child Loss / Hello my dearest Grieving Parents…
« on: July 28, 2008, 08:08:17 AM »
Hello my dearest Grieving Freinds…

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that Bernice, Jonathan and I have returned safely from our vacation on Saturday. Canada was very relaxing and the weather was very pleasant. There were lots of signs that our angel Danielle Marie was with us each day.

As I browsed all the messages received, I just wanted to let everyone know that each day all of your beautiful sons and daughters were in my thoughts and prayers. I wanted to extend my most sincere remembrances to the families all our angels who celebrated a birthday or angelversary during the month of July…ALWAYS thinking of you!

I am truly sorry to see that “new” parents have had to join our group. I am so very sorry that your son or daughter has died. Please know that this is a wonderful place to come for support from so many who understand what you are experiencing. I truly hope you find comfort and support here.

For our current members suffering from so much pain and despair after the death of your beloved child, I am sorry, I hope that through your dark days, you find some light in the memories of your beloved child’s life that will provide you with the strength you need so.

I will make every attempt to “catch-up” this week. If I missed anything, please let me know.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde


39
Child Loss / POEM: I Often Wonder...
« on: July 16, 2008, 12:18:21 PM »
I Often Wonder…

I often wonder why you had to die
I often wonder when will be the last day I cry

I often wonder did you die for a reason
I often wonder will I ever again enjoy any season

I often wonder how it would feel to give you one more bear hug
I often wonder how good it would feel tucking you in as snug as a bug

I often wonder how much in your life we will miss
I often wonder how it would feel to give you one more kiss

I often wonder will I ever feel whole again in this life
I often wonder what will happen to my son and wife

I often wonder if you can see us from heaven
I often wonder why you died at the age of eleven

I often wonder will the pain in my heart ever heal
I often wonder was the day you died all part of life’s deal

I Often Wonder…
John Plourde

40
Child Loss / ANNOUNCEMENT-NEW BOOK..."From a Father's Heart"
« on: July 11, 2008, 11:38:12 AM »
My dear friends,
   I want to announce to you all the release of a new book “From a Father’s Heart. This recently released book is very near to my heart. Several months ago, I was contacted by Author, Joyce Beaulieu to share the story of my daughter Danielle Marie’s horrible death and how her death has had a significant affect on my life and how I live day-to-day after this tragic event.
   “From a Father’s Heart” contains stories from 16 father's whose child(ren) have died and their stories and how they coped with the loss of their child.  It also includes chapters written by these dad's that are very informative and inspirational.  There is also a guide of resources for dads and bereaved families. I was honored to be a part of this book and wrote the forward for Joyce.
   Some of you may have read Joyce’s first book “From a Mother’s Heart”. Bernice and I were fortunate enough to have Joyce send us a signed copy. It is a very heartbreaking group of stories written by mother’s grieving the death of their precious sons or daughters. Joyce herself is a bereaved parent and grandparent.

   If anyone is interested in purchasing this book for either yourself or a grieving father, I am sure it will be a welcomed source of comfort.
   It can be purchased at any bookstore by giving them the name of the book and the ISBN# which is 1-60610-699-6 and they will order it for you.

Joyce donates part of the money from the sales of the books to St. Jude's Hospital and TCF.

Thanks,
John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

41
Child Loss / Inspiration: What My Child Has Taught Me
« on: July 02, 2008, 09:55:19 AM »
What My Child Has Taught Me
Author Unknown

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.

I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.

I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion.

I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".

I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.

I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words.
...But so is love...

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/


42
Child Loss / Hope for the Day: Unanswered Questions
« on: July 02, 2008, 09:53:20 AM »
Unanswered Questions
By: Clara Hinton

So many questions are left unanswered when grief enters our lives. 
"What did I do to deserve this?"
"Why me?"
"Why is my life always in such a state of sad turmoil?"
"When will things get better?" 
"Why don't others seem to understand?"
"Where is my support when I need it?"
"Where is my hope?"
 
Loss leaves us utterly miserable for a while. 
Often we're afraid to use that word, much less express it. 
We think that we have to put on a stiff upper lip and move forward when inwardly we are being torn apart every minute of the day. 
Grief is real, and it hurts,  But, it is not forever!
 
Take time to grieve, but be sure to make time to see beyond your grief. 
Today may be full of heartache and pain like nothing you've ever experienced before.  But, tomorrow is a new day, and a brand new beginning. 
There is a miracle waiting just for you! 
There is a seed of hope planted within your heart that is growing each and every day, and one day soon it will burst forth into the most brilliant colors of hope and joy that will rescue you from the raw pain that you are feeling today.
 
Hope never dies, and it cannot be shut out. 
Hope will find you. 
Hope will appear in the fluttering of the butterfly. 
Hope will shine in the morning sunrise. 
Hope will shout, "I love you" in the brilliance of the rainbow.
Hope is alive. 
Your hope is near
 
"There is hope even when there are no answers."  --Clara Hinton

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/

43
Child Loss / Poem: Another Day Without
« on: July 02, 2008, 09:51:41 AM »
Another Day Without

The stillness of the morning wakes me up,
but I don't see why the world begins another day
When my son's not here with me.
This house feels strangely silent
and his room, a lonely place
I long to touch his soft brown hair
and kiss his small sweet face.
I'll never get to hear him call out
"Dad, Come see what I just made!"
I'm only left with memories Please God--don't let them fade.
Deep in my heart, his spirit lives
His laughter; I'll still hear
He'll forever be my little boy
though I can't hold him near.

Author Unknown

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/

44
Child Loss / Inspiration-Allowing Grief
« on: July 02, 2008, 09:50:00 AM »
Allowing Grief
Writen by: LindaC

I am sorry if I don't grieve correctly.
Please share with me the standards you use to judge.
In the beginning if I held my emotions it wasn't enough.
Yet now you do not wish to be reminded of what I can never forget.

How can one judge someone else’s emotions?
Who are they to say what is correct.
Where does one find the expiration date for grieving their child?
Is our pain any less as time goes by?

We are able to get through our good and bad days.
We have had practice now in how to put on an act.
Yes, the entire world is a stage and I am a consummate actress.
I am playing the role of my life and I must give it all that I have.

Nobody wants to see my tears now.
No one wants to acknowledge that I still hurt.
Everyone wants life as it used to be.
Can't they see that so do I?

Where are the books that tell us when we can feel and when we cannot?
Is there a set formula that we must follow?
Will there be a test we are expected to pass?
Why are we not allowed to have our own feelings?

Until the end of my days I will grieve my child.
I am sorry if you think I am doing it wrong.
It will be done at my own speed.
He was my child and not yours.

Please allow me my grief!

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/

45
Child Loss / Article: Who's In Your Front Row?
« on: July 02, 2008, 09:48:50 AM »
Who Is In Your Front Row?
Author Unknown

Life is a Theater, Invite your audience carefully.

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a Distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.

Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or do you feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Remember that the people we associate with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds.

We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts.

Who's in your front row?

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/

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