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Messages - Karen Paul

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Child Loss / Re: birthday balloons
« on: April 01, 2009, 05:47:27 AM »
Happy Heavenly Birthday Patrick!

Nancy - I'm sure those balloons went right up to Patrick and he saw them and felt your love shining through on his very special day..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: For Ashley and Jamie
« on: March 19, 2009, 05:56:56 AM »
Ashley - I remember when my nephew died, my brother said I'm not a father anymore.. and I said OF COURSE YOU ARE! You are always Chris' father - and you, Ashley, are always Jamie's mother - forever.. I'm just so sorry that you have had her taken from you so fast!! My heart goes out to you..

Kat - you are a good friend.. bless you

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: The Darkness
« on: March 19, 2009, 05:54:35 AM »
Oh Melissa - I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so dark and down right now.. I imagine you're not getting much sleep with the newest little baby and probably that does not help with grief.. I am glad you remember that it will not always be this way.. and there will be days (hopefully very soon) where the sun will shine on your face again.. and your Charlie will remind you with some sign that he is still right there with you.. and your other beautiful kiddos will remind you that he lives on in them as well.

luv and hugs, Karen

Child Loss / Re: Ian was here..I Felt It
« on: March 19, 2009, 05:51:33 AM »
Oh Kat - so glad you got that wonderful sign from Ian.. and that peacefulness of knowing he is still there with you, loving you.. in a different way..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Unsure...
« on: March 19, 2009, 05:48:11 AM »

I'm so sorry about your sweet little baby girl! And so sorry that you don't have a picture of her.. how could you know at the time? Don't be so hard on yourself... I'm glad you got to hold her and tell her you love her.. though her spirit had already flown, I do believe she knows your love..

I'm sorry the pictures we have are painful. I hope you will come and share your grief and your loss and your beautiful girl with us, though you had her in your arms for such a short time.. this is a place to share all aspects of grief.. and sometimes in getting it out of our heads, along the way we help others and in turn, we help ourselves..

I will share my story with you. I am not a parent myself, after 7yrs of infertility treatments, my husband  and i resolved to love our nieces and nephews and our friends kids.. then the unthinkable happened.. my brother's son Christopher, his only child and my parents only grandchild.. was killed at the age of 16 by a hit and run drunk driver. Chris was the light and love of our small family and it has been a very silent 5 yrs without him here on earth. We miss him terribly, and though we do have many pictures of him throughout his life.. I find that as time goes on, they also hold pain because they are ever the same, never changing.. he will be forever 16.

I hope you'll come back and share your own thoughts.. this place has been an important part of my grief journey and I am so grateful for every one here who has allowed me to share my sweet nephew with them..

luv and big hugs,
proud aunt of Christopher

Child Loss / Re: The Late night hours hurt the most
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:20:25 AM »
Hi Kat - so sorry these nights are so hard - and the days are hard - missing your Ian so so much! Please know that you are not alone.. on this loneliest of journeys..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Sad thing today
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:16:33 AM »
Oh Brenda - I'm so sorry you are hurting so much and this blunt reminder that Taylor can't be there to go get you a movie.. so sad.. I'm sending you big big hugs my friend.. I hope your surgery goes well - do post when you can to let us know how you are doing.. I have a good friend whose mom had that surgery a few years ago - and is doing much better, relieved from pain - I do hope that same will be for you..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Mirical's
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:12:36 AM »
sooo tiny - so glad he saved it - gift of life..


Child Loss / Re: need a smile today
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:11:40 AM »
very cute - here's a pic of our little Emma dude to brighten your day


Child Loss / Re: who am I
« on: March 16, 2009, 06:10:31 AM »
Charles - good to see your face! your cats are so cute with their extra toes!


Child Loss / Re: Birthday Wish for Wade
« on: March 12, 2009, 06:17:16 AM »
Happy Heavenly Birthday Wade!

18 is such a special bday and so so hard.. i'm so glad to hear that Wade's friends are keeping his memory alive and remembering him in these special ways at school.. that is so important.. and such a tribute to your special son to touch people's lives in so many ways..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Celebrating Ian Alexander
« on: March 12, 2009, 06:14:06 AM »
your post brought tears to my eyes.. so sorry to hear about your precious grandbaby Ian.. he is truly an angel in heaven.. surrounding you all with love..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: my nephew
« on: March 11, 2009, 05:36:54 AM »
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet nephew. I too lost a nephew - my brother's only child Christopher was killed at 16 yrs old by a hit and run drunk driver. It has been 5 years and still seems impossible and unreal at times.. my heart goes out to you and your family - I hope you will find this a safe place to come to share your grief and your love of your sweetiepie Brandon..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Latest Crisis
« on: March 02, 2009, 06:55:10 AM »
Paula - I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's stroke.. in the midst of everything else you've got going on.. I agree with others here that you will need help.. do reach out to those in your community who may be able/willing to help.. and keep writing here.. we do care, about you and your mom and your kids. I'm sure, having lost her own child, it must have doubly broken your mom's heart when you became a bereaved parent as well.. grief does affect our health.. I've seen it with my own parents.. who've lost their only grandchild..

Do take care of yourself.. and know that we are always here..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Acceptance
« on: February 25, 2009, 06:54:47 AM »
Sue - what a good question.. I am not a parent so obviously my journey is completely different from you all - but I can say after 5 years- I have accepted the reality that Chris is not here with us on this earth anymore - there has been no choice but to realize this, the glaring hole in my family is a constant reminder - 

I have not accepted anything about the "way" in which he died, being hit by a truck while riding his bicycle home, having the driver leave the scene without calling for help and then trying to cover it up and lying to save himself because he had been drinking.. there is nothing about any of that that I will ever accept..

I have accepted that my role is to remember Chris and find ways to help my brother and Chris' mom as much as I can by letting them know that Chris is still and always will be part of my life.. that he is always thought of and remembered and that they are still his parents.. though they've both lost their only child. And my role is to help my parents know that they are still grandparents, though they've lost their only grandchild.

And I will always be Chris' aunt and proud of it.. and his love and light will live on in all of us who remember him and share him with others.. this I accept..

Thank you all for allowing me to share my precious nephew with you!
luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

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