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Messages - Karen Paul

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Child Loss / Re: 37 years ago today
« on: July 08, 2009, 05:57:58 AM »
Rebecca - thinking of you and both your boys - sending love your way.

hugs Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: So sad
« on: June 30, 2009, 06:10:19 AM »
I don't understand it either - it is just beyond words - so kind of you to speak to her though and let her know you are thinking of her.

hugs, Karen

Child Loss / Re: Jill's 22nd birthday today
« on: June 30, 2009, 06:08:28 AM »
Happy Heavenly Birthday Jill!

Kay - what wonderful tributes to your sweet Jill, so kind of people to remember and share her birthday with you.. she is just a year younger than my nephew Chris (who would turn 23 in Dec. this year).

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: I lost you Buddy 5 years ago
« on: June 25, 2009, 06:03:32 AM »
Oh Don - I missed this post by you cause I wasn't on here for a while.. thinking of you and Donny - you guys had such a special relationship that fathers and sons dream about - being able to work together and play together..sharing so many interests and loves.. you are both so blessed to have had each other ... I just wish it could have been for much much longer ...

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday to my Sweet Sarah
« on: June 25, 2009, 05:57:30 AM »
Happy Heavenly Birthday Sarah!

Jamie - thinking of you on Sarah's very special day - hope you can feel her close by you... glad you got to spend time with Lucas.. so sad he doesn't get to grow up with his momma..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Big sigh
« on: June 23, 2009, 06:07:46 AM »
Brenda - Thinking of you and your beautiful girl - 5 years is so long and yet no time at all - forever and the blink of an eye- holding you close in my heart..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: To all Dads
« on: June 22, 2009, 06:46:10 AM »
Sorry I'm a day belated - wishing all the fathers out there - Don, John, everyone - special rememberances of your child who is gone and hope for special times with children who are still here in your lives.

Had a very nice Father's Day annual bicycle ride with my dad and brother on Saturday. We managed not to get rained on, and we had a nice surprise.

For those of you not in New York State, this year we are celebrating the 400th anniversary of Henry Hudson's voyage up the river that now bears his name. In accordance with this anniversary there has been a flotilla of tall ships and old sailing ships that have been making their way up the Hudson River from NYC with stops along the way for celebrations..

Well we were riding our bikes and found a spot where we could go out to a dock on the river, and there was docked one of the smaller sailing vessels, called the Onrust. It was very cool and looked very old - with a lion on the front bow.

We rode back and had a nice picnic lunch. then later in the day - quite by accident - I found a journal I had kept years ago and in it I found some notes about my father's retirement party back in 1996. I had noted that Christopher was our officlal photographer that night, at the age of 10. Brian had set him up with a camera and 2 roles of film and told him he could take a picture every 5 minutes. He did a great job - going around to each table and asking every one if he could take their picture. He helped dad unwrap his gifts and at the end of the night he made a little speech at the podium in which he said that his grampa was a good Yahtzee player.

Well - this special memory brought tears to my eyes and a big smile to my face. I immediately sent it off in an email to dad and Brian- if Chris were here today he would be 22 years old, he would have (no doubt) graduated college in May and be moving forward with his future..

sweet memories - but we always want more..

luv and hugs to you all,
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Update on my GD & Life
« on: June 10, 2009, 05:32:28 AM »
Terry - how frightening - I'm so glad to hear that your precious granddaughter is on the mend.. and will pray for her speedy recovery- I find that I'm much more vulnerable now than I was previously, because I know what "could" happen - the impossible has become possible and that changes everything..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: It has been 5 years today
« on: June 09, 2009, 05:55:31 AM »
KAREN - I have missed you my friend - your Ronnie and my nephew Chris have so much in common, love of music and Red Sox and I always remember Ronnie.. I'm so glad you've come back to let us know how you are doing.. and after all these years.. you are on my mind often.

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Losing Breath (long)
« on: June 09, 2009, 05:36:16 AM »
Hi Rebecca - I read your post and though I know my journey is so much different than yours, I have to say your words do ring true with me as well. I have gone through times where the sadness is unbearable but there are no tears - I have come to conclude it is my body's way of resting a little maybe - but it comes and goes - like everything else on this grief journey - it is not linear (I will never cry again) but instead it is like waves on the ocean (back and forth, up and down).. I don't think you are stuffing your feelings, I think maybe this is just another part of grief.. you are moving forward every day.. one little baby step at a time.. and I think when you have the time to sit and talk with your daughter that will be another step forward..

As for the pictures - just because something hurts doesn't always mean we should escape from it - though the pictures hurt so much now, only you can determine what is right for you - because maybe with the hurt, there is comfort in seeing Jason there, so alive - sometimes the pain and the comfort go hand in hand.. I know they do for me. Sometimes they cannot be separated..

I'm glad your daughter is moving closer, I think that is very good.. and I hope you do get to talk to her, because you have so much to tell her and I think she does need to hear it from you..

much love, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Mad as heck
« on: June 09, 2009, 05:29:18 AM »
Brenda - I'm no expert obviously, and haven't been posting much myself lately.. but you have always been so kind to me and welcomed me here and I'm so sorry to hear that you've been hurt by these words thrown at you lately - I too, am not sure why your ex decided he needed to burden you with his thoughts at this point - you know you did everything you could for Jessica, that is all you need to know - and I'm sure deep down he knows it too -

As for your man - I honestly don't think he meant to hurt you, nevertheless that is what happened because as you say he was venting his own frustrations - I hope you can forgive him- he is having valid frustrations with his child - and probably needs to be able to vent them.. but that is so impossible to hear when you would give anything to be in those shoes, getting a chance to talk to your child and see her.. it is just so hard.. 

I remember 5 years, which we passed last November, being very hard for all involved in my family. Don't know what it is .. but it was very tough.. my heart goes out to you.. and I will always remember your sweet Jessica's face and see her smiling..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: It has been a while
« on: June 02, 2009, 05:52:46 AM »
Thank you so much, all of you, for your never ending support.. whenever I'm feeling down you all lift me up.. I don't know how you do it, but I just want to say thank you.

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / It has been a while
« on: May 26, 2009, 05:47:15 AM »
Hello my cherished friends. It has been a few weeks since I have been here much. I think of you all every day though, you and your kids are always in my heart.

It has been a sad couple of weeks for me. I have been thinking so much about the fact that over the past 2 years we have celebrated a nephew and niece graduating from college. Well this is the year that Christopher should have graduated. So there is that emptiness where our celebration for him should be. That never ending silence, the void of what was his vibrant, loving life.

We were with friends on Sunday - their kids range in age from 19-15 so many of them are celebrating high school graduations and kids coming back from their first year in college - and then there is my family - Chris was IT for us.. and Brian will never experience that joy of seeing his son graduate, from high school or college.. of seeing him make his way in the world with all the pride of a devoted father..

We all keep pretty busy - but this time of the year is tough with Mother's Day and graduations and Father's Day - it is just that emptiness that is always there beneath it all.. that sadness and the longing for what should have been.. I guess that will never go away.

luv u all,
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: 17 Today
« on: May 26, 2009, 05:32:12 AM »
Your poem touches me so.. it could have been written by my brother. My nephew Christopher died just three weeks before his 17th birthday. Thank you for sharing Zac's special day with us.. and your poem which is so heartfelt and lovely.

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Avoiding talking
« on: May 01, 2009, 06:36:08 AM »
Rita - I'm so sorry - it does seem like people do this and I just do not understand it.... they probably think it is less painful to avoid the mention of her name, little do they realize it causes more pain.. and how do we let people know that yes, speaking of our loves may bring tears on occasion, but also healing in knowing he or she is remembered in other hearts - and it also may bring some smiles too, a shared memory of some happy time spent together..

I have tried to always talk about Chris with my brother and Amy - they need to talk about him and hear his name, they need to hear themselves called mom and dad - especially since he was their only child - and I need to hear their stories of him too, things I did not know about - I love those stories...

I hope you can find a small group of people that you can share your sweet Becca with - you can always share her here, but I know sometimes face to face is needed.

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

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