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Messages - Jean

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1
Sibling Loss / Re: LOOKING FOR ANSWERS
« on: October 11, 2007, 06:26:47 PM »
I am so sorry for your losses. I understand as I lost my sister and my mom within 5 months of each other this past year. My sister died at age 46 suddenly from a heart attack. My mom was diagnosed with cancer a month later and then succumbed to it within five months. I wish my sister was with me. Isn't that supposed to be the way? We are left with each other, to support each other through the loss of a parent. Instead, I grieved my sister while my poor mother deteriorated before my eyes.

You are not alone my friend. This is a good place to talk and grieve. Unfortunately, we all understand your pain.

Irene's sister, Jean

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Main / Re: Missing my mom tonight
« on: September 21, 2007, 07:56:48 PM »
I am so very sorry for your loss. It's just horrible what our minds do to us. I wish there was a switch that we could flip off and not think and torment ourselves. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in early November 2006. Just weeks after my sister died. She was more in hospital than out. She passed away on March 27, 2007. I was there everyday. I was grieving my sister and so was my poor mother. I was so sick with worry that I would lose my mom too. I replay those months continuously, especially the last few weeks when I knew my mom was dying. I was there with my mom when she died. She went very peacefully, thank God. But it torments me so much  to think about it. Feeling the helplessness over and over again.  
I miss my mom, and sister, so very much. There's no fast-forwarding through this grief though. We have to go through this in order to go on. What helps me is talking to them. I truly believe they can hear me.
I wish I could offer more to you to help ease this for you. Just know that you are not alone.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: New to the group
« on: August 10, 2007, 06:56:08 PM »
Dear Robyn;
I am so sorry for all your losses. What a tragedy. My heart goes out to you. I am glad you found this site. There are so many good people here.

My sister died suddenly on October 3, 2006. A month later my mom was diagnosed with cancer and died within 5 months - March 27, 2007. So I know what hell feels like.

I will say a prayer for you and your family. After losing so much, it is so natural to fear losing more. But we can't live that way. And our loved ones wouldn't want us to.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: A strange thing happened today
« on: August 10, 2007, 06:39:13 PM »
Wow. That is amazing. Of all the mail it could have been even if you dropped it, which I doubt because you would have seen it before getting back in the car to go to the grocery store!

Take it as a sign. Of course your mom loves you. And if she hasn't said it in a very long time - she said it today!

God bless you. You're in my thoughts.

Jeannie

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Sibling Loss / Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« on: August 08, 2007, 07:51:19 PM »
My heart goes out to you. I know the pain and guilt that  you feel. My sister died 10 months ago. She had problems with prescription drugs and I tried for so long to help get her off them, but her doctor kept prescribing and she would not stop. Then another doctor prescribed a different kind a week before her death. Two days before she died I had noticed that she was unsteady on her feet - and all I did was get mad and tell her that she needed to stop taking these medications and get more help. She died from complications of her new medication with the stuff she was already on. The guilt I have felt has been so overwhelming. I thought I would never be able to get through it. My sister was only 46 years old. I am 40. I went for counselling and it helped a lot. I now realize that she was an adult, as your sister was. They make decisions for themselves, as we do. We cannot control other people and make them do what we want them to do. If we could, then they would still be here today.

My sister was very religious. But she suffered from depression and its a horrible disease. I believe she tried her best to cope, as I'm sure your sister did. I wish God didn't take them, but believe it was just their time to go. As hard as it is - and I'd give anything to change that...it was their time to go. Keep the faith...it has helped me through these terrible times. I also lost my mom 4 months ago to cancer. I truly believe my faith has helped me to continue on. Although some days it doesn't feel like I will get through.

I wish you well. This is so fresh for you. Its a difficult road. But you are not alone.

Jeannie

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Sibling Loss / Re: Was gonna try to post something positive.....but
« on: August 08, 2007, 07:35:28 PM »
Hi middle sis:

I'm so sorry to hear that you don't get to see your nephew. I can just imagine how frustrating it is for you. I know you must have to stay on good terms with his mom or she won't ever let you see him. It is so unfortunate when a family member dies and instead of bringing the family closer - most cases it just splits them all apart. My sister died 10 months ago and then my mom died 4 months ago. The only family I have left are my two half-sisters, and all they are interested in is what they get out of the estates. It is such a lonely feeling. I want my old life back too.

My thoughts are with you and I pray that you get to see your little nephew soon.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: Where do I go from Here !
« on: April 17, 2007, 06:42:02 AM »
Dear Charles:
It is so unfair that you have to go back to work so soon...how do they expect people to come to terms with losing a loved one and having to jump right back into work?? My heart goes out to you and I hope you have supportive friends and coworkers to help you through all of this.

My sister had lived with us...so I know those feelings...for the longest time I'd hear her tv on or phone ring or door open when none of that was possible. Finally, after 6 months I am able to go through her things without falling apart. As far as my mom goes, I can't go to her place yet...it just would be too final for me...even though I watched her die, was at her funeral/burial....seeing her place empty and knowing she was not coming back - just can't do it yet...I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. If friends are offering to help, take them up on it. Their support will help you through these very difficult times.

I'm thinking of you.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: Where do I go from Here !
« on: April 14, 2007, 03:24:22 PM »
Dear Grieving:

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your posting I wanted to cry - such a nightmare that all this has been for you and your brother. I just lost my mom on March 27/07, after 5 months of fighting cancer. It sounds like I have lived through what you went through with your dad. Had to watch her in pain and wasting away. The pain of it all is unbelievable, I know. ...I also lost my sister in Oct/06 without any warning...so I was grieving her and on my own trying to deal with my mom...

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like she is with you still....I feel the same way about my mom...When she first went, for days I could feel her with me, helping me to be strong...then of course the grief came and its been so difficult. I have not been able to bring myself to go to her apartment...I was there before she died packing her things, hoping that she would be coming to live with us...to go there now and know there is no more hope, to expect her to be there....I just can't bare it...

I've been off work for 5 months - spent this time with my mom, so am thankful for that. I go back to work this week too...it's going to be difficult.

Just wanted you to know, I'm here for you to talk to...My prayers are with you. You will get through this, but you have to grieve and it does hurt so much. God bless you and your brother.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: Easter anniversaries
« on: April 13, 2007, 06:35:57 PM »
Hi again Patty.

If I could, I'd give you a hug.  5 years....You've come a long way..although I'm sure it has felt like an eternity of pain.

My mind is a blank tonight, so not sure what I wanted to say...but wanted to wish you all the best and my prayers are with you.

Jeannie

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Main / Re: It's closing in on me
« on: April 11, 2007, 09:03:17 PM »
Dear Rhys, Lonnie and Karen Paul:

Thank you so much for your responses. It really is comforting to receive your kind and supportive words.

We are all together on this very difficult road. Thank you for taking the time to help me.

I'll keep you all in my prayers as well.

Jeannie

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Main / It's closing in on me
« on: April 10, 2007, 04:17:26 PM »
I lost my mom two weeks ago...actually I feel like I lost her the day my sister died - Oct. 3/06. That first month was a blur and I brought my mom to live with us so we could be there for each other. On Nov. 3/06 she was diagnosed with cancer...It was bad. She had a huge tumour in her pancreas and at first they thought it was pancreatic cancer which is very deadly. Further tests showed it to be lymphoma and so then chemotherapy started. The chemo was so very hard on her. So many pills afterwards. She got so sick and had to be hospitalized again. Another three weeks and she was home with us again...and then she fell..she broke 4 ribs and punctured her lung...If I had just been a little quicker, I could have caught her..I thought I was going to lose her then....but she was strong...she pulled through it...but lost the strength to walk. I couldn't bring her home yet because she was bedridden...she begged me so many times to take her home....I was finally able to bring her home for some passes, the tumour was almost gone....and then something went terribly wrong...she got so sick again, couldn't eat, couldn't sit up....just got weaker and weaker...

I wanted to have a feeding tube put into her, but it was against her wishes...and so I had to watch her slowly die....we had plans for so much more...but it was not meant to be. She was so unhappy...in so much pain and grief....I spent every day with her, didn't want her to feel alone...wanted to be there for her because I was not there for my sister when she passed.

I feel so much sorrow...they are both gone...and I know I have so much to live for still, but it just hurts so much. I miss them so much...

Jeannie

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Sibling Loss / Re: HEAVEN
« on: April 10, 2007, 07:04:38 AM »
Very beautiful. Thank you for sharing...it is inspirational.

Jeannie

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Sibling Loss / Re: Trying to have a Happy Easter
« on: April 10, 2007, 07:03:47 AM »
Dear 4everDarrensis and ljcs:

I am so sorry for your losses...I lost my sister 6 months ago. I do have 2 older half-sisters but truly I feel like I lost my only sister. She was so beautiful and so funny. She always looked out for me, even as adults.

My mom got severely ill after my sister died...and was diagnosed with cancer. She died 2 weeks ago. I know my sister would have been there with me - we would have been helping each other through...but instead I was alone and it was the hardest thing to bare. I just wish we could turn back time, go back to just normal everyday little problems....It just doesn't feel like anything will ever be okay again.

May God bless you both and help you find the strength to cope and be happy.

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Sibling Loss / Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
« on: April 10, 2007, 06:52:51 AM »
Hi Babs:
I truly believe it is a way that our loved ones can communicate. My daughter, age 9, had a dream about my sister (her aunt) not long after she passed. My sister had come to her in a church and told her that she was sick for a while but is alright now and happy. I just know in my heart that this was her communicating to us that she was in heaven.

Jeannie

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Sibling Loss / Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
« on: April 09, 2007, 02:53:02 PM »
Hi Babs.
I always had faith in my life, but never like in the last 6 months. These circumstances have brought me closer to God, and in doing that, I can believe that they are happy now, free from pain and sorrow. It doesn't make it any easier because we still miss them and its so hard to imagine life without them.

I do believe in signs and that they are still with us...I was with my mom when she died - talked to her before and during...there was serenity on her face as she was going - and sweet relief for her. As much as I wanted to scream and tell them to bring her back, I couldn't because I knew she'd be much happier...
Now I am rambling on...thank you for your reply and for listening. You will get your sign.

Jeannie

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