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Messages - Sad and Lonely

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1
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: so very hard
« on: July 13, 2011, 05:32:38 PM »
Hi Zylen,

I truley understand what you are going through as I lost my beautiful wife of 42 years to cancer as well, just 5 months ago. She was my best friend and soul mate, my chilhood sweetheart and we were so very close. I can't tell you that the road ahead is going to be a easy one because it sure has not been a easy one for me. I can tell you that some days are better then others and don't be afraid to cry, because it does help and holding it in will just make it worse. I have joined a group called Grief Share and I find it very helpful. You get to meet and talk to people that are dealing with all differant kind of losses. It seems to help, I find it easier to talk to strangers about my loss than I can with my own family. These people have gone through the same losses as you and I have, and they truley understand what you are going through. I have been going through old photo albums and remembering the good times that we had together and yes it is difficult to go through them and it does make me cry and at the same time it makes me feel good too. I don't know if I am the greatest person to be giving you advice as the death of my wife is still pretty fresh to me. I also have a english cocker and I find her a great help to me as I am like you I am all alone in my home to. When I come home from shoping there is my little dog at the door to greet me with her tail wagging away, she comes and puts her paws up on the bedside in the morning to let me know it is time to get up. Pets are a big help, you can talk to them and they are always willing to listen to you without judgeing you. Try to keep as busy as you can. I had trouble with sleep as you are having but as time goes on your sleep pattern will get a little better, it has for me. I still have trouble from time to time sleeping but it does get eaiser. I found the help on this site is a very good place to vent when you need it because there is always someone around to listlen. I hope you get some good out of my post here and read other posts as well and you will know that you are not alone, we all have to go through the grief period to get through this difficult time.

Thinking of you and wishing you the best,

Sad and Lonely

2
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Grief Cannot Be Rushed
« on: July 13, 2011, 04:39:24 PM »
Hi Browneyedgirl,

Some good news for a change. I am feeling much better today, I am still missing my beautiful wife but at least most of the back, leg and foot pain has eased up. I have a appointment to see the doctor next week, I went for blood work yesterday and my doctor should have the results of that before I go to see him.
Tell me, how are you doing with your grief these days, well I hope. I know that the pain will never go away completly but I hope that it gets a little eaiser as each day goes by.

Thank you so much for careing and lots of love and hugs to you as well.

Sad and Lonely

3
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Grief Cannot Be Rushed
« on: July 08, 2011, 04:57:03 PM »
Hi Browneyedgirl,

Thanks for asking, but I don't think you realy want to know how I'm doing, becauseing I am not doing so well. I am missing my wonderful wife so much and I feel so lonely, I don't know what to do. I thought I was doing better but my grief is back like a vengence. I don't know what is wrong but I have been having some severe low back pain and pain in to my legs and feet. Maybe it is the stress of missing my wife so much or feeling so alone and lonesome. I try to do things and to be with people but nothing I do gives me any pleasure. I can't stop thinking about my beautiful wife and how much she suffered these last two years before she died. I keep going over in my mind if there was something more I could have or should have done to help save her life. She was such a wonderful, kind, giving and loveing person, I don't know how to go on without her.

Sad and Lonely

4
Spouse, Partner Loss / Grief Cannot Be Rushed
« on: June 30, 2011, 05:08:28 AM »
I received a email from Grief Share this morning and I would like to share it with all of you. It may help others understand the process of their grief. I found it very inspirational.

Grief Cannot Be Rushed


Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person's journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to.

"It's a process that cannot be rushed," says Dr. Robert Jeffress. "As a pastor who has dealt with hundreds and hundreds of people who have gone through a loss, I can tell you that it is a process, and it is a longer process than any of us want to believe.

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

Your journey is your own, but you are not alone. Do not be afraid to cry out to God,

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2).

How long, Lord, how long? This tunnel is so dark. Show me Your light. Amen.

I hope this helps you all with what we are dealing with.

Sad and Lonely

5
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Bad day yesterday
« on: June 28, 2011, 12:44:34 PM »
Hi Terry and Browneyedgirl,

Thanks for compasion and understanding. I don't know why my grief is hitting me so hard again. I thank you all for alowing me to vent my frustrations every now and again. I have been going to grief share meetings each week and they seem to help. Talking with other people that have had similar loses in their life, seem to understand what I am going through. I am so thanlful for this site, it helps a great deal to know that there are people out there that know what it truely is like to lose some one you love. As I said before my wife was my best friend, my soulmate, we loved being together and doing things together and now I feel so lost without her. I know she is in a better place and she is not in pain anymore, for that I am grateful but I still miss her. Well tonight is our grief share meeting night, and I look forward to going, as while I am there I do feel a little bit better. I thank you all again and I hope you all have better days ahead.

May God Bless You,
Sad and Lonely

6
Spouse, Partner Loss / Bad day yesterday
« on: June 27, 2011, 09:41:00 AM »
Hi Gang, I had a very bad day yesterday. There was a memorial mass for my wife and for all the people that had died there from Dec 2010 to April 2011. It was held at the Hospice where my wife had died on Feb. 2, 2011.  I think it set me back a bit. It was held at the Hospise where she died, the service was just beautiful and they erected a small plaque in memory of my wife with her name on it and they issued each one of us a carnation that we could take home. When I saw her name on the wall with all the other people that had died in that 4 month period, I just lost it as I knew a lot of the people that had died and I could not control my emotions any longer. I cried all night for her and again this morning. I guess it all started on Saturday, I went to a funeral for another friend of ours, she would have been 62 years old in August and she was married for 42 years. Her age and length of time that they were together was identical to my wife and our life together. Life can be so cruel.I went to a car show and had a friend stay with me, I am glad you had a good time at back to the 50s, it was so nice to see you again, I only wish I could have been a better host. I am having a hard time adjusting to the loss of my wife and my concentration is not as good as it should be. I have put my motorhome up for sale as I find it is to hard to be in it without my wife, I doubt I will find any buyers in this economy but I thought I would try. I am not sure if I will go to Grand Rapids or not, that was my wife's favorite camping spot and she so loved to sing around the campfires there and she used to get such a big crowd around her to listen to her sing and play her guitar. I donít know how I could handle that. John I love you guys and you and all your family have all been such great friends to my wife and myself, I hate to bum you out like this but I just had to let you know what I am dealing with, I am trying so hard to get my life back on track but it seems every step I take forward I go back about five. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, only God knows.

Sad & Lonely

7
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Feeling sad and blue
« on: June 03, 2011, 05:10:10 PM »
Hi John-- It sounds like our grief is quite similar. I am sorry your wife had to get this horible disease "Cancer" If I had one wish or miracle to be granted to me it would be that no one would ever get Cancer again. It sounds to me that you and your wife shared a great love as my wife and I did. Some people think that having pictures all over the house just prolongs the agony but to me I feel, it realy helps me cope with her death. they may be right, but for me having the pictures all around feels best. Another item I keep close to me is the last Christmas card she gave me before she died and the words are just beautiful, she wrote "Just for you Joy, that what was on the cover and inside she wrote My Darling John, Another Christmas! There has been a lot. Each one special when we are all together. I love you and I know how good you have been to me all these years. No one could have done better. Merry Christmas Love always Char." The card was home made while she was in Hospice, on her death bed. I love that woman so much, we where married for 42 years and they were wonderful years, we made each other so happy. We where still so much in love, even after all that time, which now feels like it went by in 42 seconds, not years. I hope you are right that time heals, because right now it feels like it never will. We did everything together, we went horse back riding, went to country jams, we traveled all over Canada and The United States in our motorhome. We had a wonderful life together, even though she had to fight that terible Cancer for all those years. Now I feel so alone and I, like our home just feels so empty.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, it does help some, to talk with people who are going through the same things you are. I hope all of our grief will pass soon. I don't want to forget her, ever, I just want the hurt to stop.

Sad and Lonely

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Feeling sad and blue
« on: May 31, 2011, 01:24:12 PM »
Hi Mousewife,

Thanks so much for your compassion and my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. I do find that it does truley help me to have her pictures all over, where I can see them, they don't make me cry, but the constant memory of how she suffered so much before she died, is what makes me cry. I only have pictures of her displayed of times when she was doing better. She was sick with cancer for a long long time and she was a fighter and she never complained about her illness. The last two years of her life were a nightmare, she constantly had to overcome one problem after another. No one should have to have endured all the things that she had to go through. I know that it is better, that she passed away, at least now all her pain and suffering is over and I am sure she is in heaven with God. I don't ever want to forget her I loved her to much to do that, all I would like is to find a way for me to stop the hurt that I feel for her. My wife and I were very close, we did everything together, we so enjoyed each others company. We talked everyday and we never ever took our love for each other for granted. We were married for 42 wonderful years and we never tired of each other. I know I should be gratful for the time we had together and I am but to lose someone you love so much, well it is just hard, to let go. It will be four months on the 2nd of June since she died and I know that four months is not a long time but to me it feels like an eternity. I have to say that I do not cry as much these last coule of weeks as I did in the second and third month but it is still very difficult. I go to church every Sunday and I find that helps some, and I do get some respite from the pain when I am at Grief Share. They say that time heals all wounds, it just takes more time for some then others.

Thanks again Mousewife, I find it even helps, to have this lifeline at webhealing to let my emotins and frustrations out.
Hugs and thanks to you,

sad and lonely

9
Spouse, Partner Loss / Feeling sad and blue
« on: May 28, 2011, 10:32:56 AM »
Hi all, I was just listening to the radio, the oldies chanel and they played angel eys and it reminded me of my beautiful wife's eyes. She had the bigest most beautiful brown eyes you have ever seen and it made me think I will never get to look into her beautiful eyes again. It has been 115 days since she passed away and I seem to miss her more and more as each day goes by. I don't know what to do anymore, life seems so pointless without her. I have been going to grief share and talking with other people and it seems to help while I am there but as soon as I leave the group the grief starts to set in and I start to cry. I try to be with other people but it doesent feel right without my wonderful wife. I have myself surrounded with her pictures all over the house, I have one on the mirror in the car and I carry a small urn with a picture of her in my pocket. I just can't stand to not be able to see her or not have her near me, where ever I go. I loved her so much, we were so good for each other and now she is gone. What can I do to stop this grief that I am feeling so deep.

Sad and Lonely

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: cannot do this alone
« on: May 22, 2011, 04:27:49 PM »
I am so sory for your loss and I truly understand all the pain you are going through. I lost my wonderful wife in Feb. of this year and I feel I am on the same roller coaster ride that you are on. I too have been asking why these things happen. I have been going to church every Sunday and praying to God for help, but I don't seem to be getting any answers. I feel good while I am in church but the grief sets in again on my way home to a empty house. I am like you and find a little comfort coming to this site and venting a little and reading other people's post. I see that I am not alone in my grief. I wish I had a way to say something to you all, that would make yours and my grief just disapire. They say time heals all wounds but they don't day how much time. I hope we all have better days ahead.

Lots of Love and hugs.
Sad and Lonely

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Sad and Lonely
« on: May 22, 2011, 03:45:16 PM »
Hi all, I am so sad and lonely today. I am missing my wife so much, I just wish I COULD HOLD HER and give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her. I feel so empty inside these days, I am missing being US, I don't like being just me. I don't want to be with anybody and I know it is no good just staying home and being alone, I feel I just want to die and be with her. I miss her reading her book, I miss watching TV with her, I miss the sound of her knitting needles clicking away, I miss being with her, Life is just no fun anymore. I don't know how to get out of this slump. My wonderful wife was my best friend, my companion and my solemate, she was so easy to talk too and she always made me so happy and now that is all gone. What can I do, to get some meaning back in my life. I have been going to Grief Share and that seems to help a bit. I keep praying to God for help but I don't hear any answers, I feel so alone.

Sad and Lonely

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Back again
« on: May 14, 2011, 04:38:15 PM »
Hi back again,

Sad and lonely here.

I am sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel as I just lost my wife to cancer after being in remission three times. You are right it doesn't matter what kind of cancer you have it is a horrible disease and I wish they could find a cure for it, because no one should have to suffer with that disease. I, like you, am spending a lot of time alone, I just find it hard to be arround people, sure I go for coffee now and then with my friends from our car club but when I go out to family functions I feel out of place and find it hard to cope and not break down in front of them, so that is why I spend so much time alone. I miss my wife so much but I seem to get comfort from looking at her pictuers and listening to some of her home made tapes while she was practicing her singing. I don't want to get over her, all I want is for the pain and grief to subside so I can visit with our family and play with my grand children again.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Sad and Lonely

13
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Sad and Lonely
« on: May 13, 2011, 04:36:44 PM »
Thanks John,

It is hard to imagine how difficult it was for you to lose your wife and still mannage to carry on. you must be a very brave person. My wife was very brave and courages, I wish I had her courage and strength. I thought I was prepared for my wife's death and I thought it would be OK for her to die because she was in so much pain and she was having so much difficulty breathing, I hated to see her suffer. I was wrong, I wasn't ready at all, I know she is better off dead but I still miss her so much. We were married for 42 years and if there was ever a perfect marrage, ours was it. We did everything together and we loved being with each other. We were best friends as well as husband and wife. She was only 62 years young and she only looked like she was about 32 years old. I hope that you are right and things will get better as time goes on.
I thank you again for taking the time to help me through this most difficult time.

Sad and Lonely

14
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Sad and Lonely
« on: May 12, 2011, 04:34:07 PM »
Hy Terry,

Thanks for your suport and welcome. I found this site online as I was searching for help with my grief. I went to a support group on Tuesday evening and they put on a vidio about the loss of a spouse. I enjoyed it very much as it was about man who had lost his wife to cancer and was on his way back to making a new life for himself. His grief that he went through was a lot like mine, at first he did not want to go on without her and he could not stop thinking about her and how he missed her. Now she has been gone for a couple of years and has found someone new. The ironic part of this vidieo as that his wife's name was the same as my wife's name and I was wondering if going to this group and seeing this videio was a sign from my wife telling me that it is possible and I need to move on with my life.
The bad part of that theory is that I don't want to find someone else. I loved my wife so much that I would feel so guilty to even think of another woman. My beautiful wife was so good to me and loved me so much as I did her  that she has spoiled me to ever find another partner. I miss her so much, I woke up at 4:AM and cried for two hours. I just can't get out of my mind she suffered so much this last year of her life. I try to remember the good times we had and there were many but my mind keeps going back to all the tragic events that went on this past year and all the terible things she had to endure and all I could do was watch her die. It is so hard to see the wonderful woman she was deteariate befor my eyes. I better stop writing now as all the setbacks are just too horable to talk about.

Sad and Lonely

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Sad and Lonely
« on: May 10, 2011, 07:10:19 AM »
Thank you to Arthur and Dave B,
I am not sure how to reply to your coments, I am very sorry for your loss and I can understand and feel the pain that you two are going through.

My wife pased away on Feb. 2nd 2011, after a long battle with cancer since 1986. I love her so much that it is so hard to go on without her. All my friends say that I had the perfect wife and I feel the same. She was so good to me, we did everything together and in 42 years of a beautiful marrage we never ever quarled. I don't seem to want to be with other people, I just want her back but I know that is never going to happen. I cry all the time because I miss her so much. My beautiful wife was so brave, she handeled her disease so well, she never complained, she was such a inspiration to all who knew her. She was always thinking of others and how she could help them, even in her last days she was knitting little teddy bears to send to the poor people in Hati after the Tsunami. She was always so kind and gentel she tried to make her passing easy for me by not complaing of all the pain she was in. She was such a wonderful woman and I find it so hard to live without her. I miss her so much I feel so alone. Is there anyone who can help me get over my grief. I wish I could be as strong and courages as my wonderful wife was.
Today is a very dreary, wet and cold day and it is making me even more depressed.......................Sad and Lonely
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