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Messages - MrJanuary70

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Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« on: June 03, 2019, 11:10:13 AM »
Hi

My name is Shawn.  I just signed up today and I've never done anything like this before.  I lost my mom on 12/30/18.  Her death was so unexpected.  She had ovarian cancer and was slated to do four weeks of chemo to shrink the tumor and if it shrank enough they would do surgery.  On 12/18 I took her for her first treatment.  Seemed to go fine, that evening she started her home dialysis and then in the middle of the night she was complaining about a severe pain in her head.  We tried everything.  We thought maybe her insulin was off so we checked it and it was crazy high we got worried and called the ambulance.  They did all kinds of test on her and they found that she had a blood clot from the port they put in for the chemo treatment.  So she had to stay in the hospital to be treated for that. So days go by and she's not getting better, stopped eating and drinking and she kept getting sick.  They said she was having reactions from the chemo treatment and it was normal.  We were hoping that she'd come home for Christmas but it didn't happen she just wasn't getting better.  I spent every night with her and my dad and sisters would stay with her during the day.  The day after Christmas they told us that the chemo treatment she had was eating away at her stomach and she has internal bleeding. They recommended hospice and to start preparing for the end.  We were all in shock. My dad and sisters were a mess.  My dad wanted her home cause she always said not to let her die in the hospital.  So I met with the hospice service and prepared everything to get her home.  She came home in the evening on 12/27.  She was talking which she didn't do much in the hospital. So that was a good sign.  My mom loved to have her nails all fancy so I arranged for the ladies where she got her nails done to come to the house and do her nails.  She loved it she stayed up and talked to the girls.  She was also excited because her older sister was flying in from Phoenix but wouldn't arrive until the 29th.  So the goal was for her to stay alive until she arrived.  The next two days she was pretty much out of it.  On the 29th everyone was at the house.  My Aunt arrived and she got to sit with mom for a few hours.  It was getting late so everyone went home except for my sisters, my brother-in-law and my oldest nephew. My dad and nephew were sitting on both sides of her and around 10 pm I looked over at her and I couldn't see her chest moving.  I went over to her and I put my hand over her heart and I felt a very slight beat and then nothing.  I looked at my dad and said she's gone.  I relive that moment in my head over and over.  I think when her heart stopped something in me died along with her.  So now I'm trying to figure out how to get over it or at least try to not to be so sad all the time.  I put on a good face when I'm around others but when I'm alone I'm a mess. 

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