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Messages - Unkn0wnAngel

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Parent Loss / Daily struggle missing both parents
« on: January 07, 2018, 12:25:53 AM »
I lost my mom when I was 14, just entering high school, to pancreatic cancer, she lasted 7 months after her diagnosis. Then 4 years later just after high school graduation I lost my dad to a heart attack. Now Iím 21 about to graduate college in 4 months and I struggle a lot with their loss. All I ever wanted most of my life was to make them proud and I wish they could see me now. I want to tell them so much about my life since itís been so long and I just want to hear what they have to say. Sometimes I sit and wonder how Iíve got this far without them to talk to. They were such a big part of my life. Thinking about college graduation without them breaks my heart because itís all they both ever wanted for me. And I wonder how Iíll get through the other major events in my life like getting engaged, married, having children. I do have my boyfriend of 7 years and heís great but heís just about all I have and I feel like I put all this pressure on him to be what I need because my parents arenít here and Iím not close with my family whatsoever. He lost his dad almost 9 years ago at 15 but heís still got his mom and siblings that heís close with and Iím an only child. Sometimes itís all just so hard and overwhelming and I would give anything to see them and talk to them one more time. I donít really have any friends and those people I do talk to donít understand at all. Loss is such an incredible experience, someone youíve known youíre whole life suddenly isnít there anymore. They donít exist anymore. I just miss my parents they could be my biggest cheerleaders for the special times in my life and a shoulder to cry on and someone to always go to for advice and someone who was just always there when I was lonely sad or upset. I just donít have that constant in my life anymore. Youíd think after this many years I wouldíve come to terms with it. But life without parents sucks. Sucks so bad. And Iím terrified itís going to affect my ability to be a mother in the future. Iíve always wanted kids but I donít know how Iím going to handle it since I donít have parents. Like why did this happen to me. My whole life has been a rough struggle through hell. Why.
Guess I just needed to vent. Thanks to anyone who actually read all this.

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