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Messages - North_Bound

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Parent Loss / losing my mother to cancer. need advice.
« on: July 03, 2017, 10:40:32 PM »
Im new here. I dont know if this is where I should be but I dont know where else to go.

My mother is dying of cancer.
I just got engaged.
I knew her disease was progressing but I wasnt aware of how bad it had gotten until I called to give her the news ( I live(d) in another state), and she was too weak to even be excited. I tried to talk to her about going dress shopping and she broke the news to me that she could not, she was too weak. I moved to another state for graduate school two months before she was diagnosed. My parents have been downplaying the progression of her disease. I moved home this week to be with her, and cancelled all summer work. Her cancer and complications are rare enough that no one can give us an estimation of her time. It could be days. It could be months.

I am 28. I am an only child. None of my friends have lost their parents. I have no idea how to do this. I have no Idea how I am going to do this. I dont understand how I can be so happy and so sad all at once. I cant plan my wedding because the thought of not having her there makes me want to break. I cant talk to her about having a small ceremony earlier because she has convinced herself she isnt dying, and is often incoherent. This is complicated by the fact that my fiance, who has been extreemly supportive through all this, is in rural Alaska for work for the next 2 months.

My mother was a force of nature with an opinion about everyone and everything my whole life, and now shes too weak to have an opinion about anything. I hate seeing her like this. I feel like I am losing her inch by excruciating inch.

How can I be there for my mother, for my father ( whose mother ( my sole grandparent) is also dying). How can I navigate this time when I dont know how much is left? should I plan a wedding? should I wait? What do I do if I get lucky and she lives through the summer? Do I go back to my graduate program and my fiance in another state? do I stay? I could really use some advice from people who have been there. This whole process has been really lonely.

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