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Messages - rosee

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Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« on: October 24, 2016, 05:31:31 PM »
Hi, I am only 20. My mum passed away nearly 3 months ago. I don't even know what to do with myself. It still feels like  dream and she will be back. She was diagnosed with a rare cancer in April of this year, I think the doctors were very vague in saying that radiotherapy and surgery would help, I think they knew something that I didn't, or I just wasn't told by my family. Anyway, she received radiotherapy, and after a couple months she came back home and had to wait a while to surgery. The first few weeks she seemed fine and was moving around a lot, however after that she had more pain. I can't really talk about it too much it makes me too upset but after 4 weeks of her being at home she passed away, the cancer had spread. There's like this ache. constantly in my chest. I can't shift it. Everyday there is something that reminds me of her. I can cope mostly, it's just the odd times I can't and I can't stop crying. I've never felt that before, the pain of actually crying or being too tired to cry. I am a student and recently I have felt no motivation to study. Most of the time I just want to sleep. Some weeks are fine and I can just push those thoughts of my mum away or cover them up maybe, but other weeks I can't. To other people I feel  like I don't express anything. I don't want to. I feel uncomfortable. Its hard to explain. All I know is that I just want my mum. There's always a question that I want to ask her and when I realise I can't, it breaks my heart over and over again.
I'm sorry for rambling, I just want to type what I was feeling at this time. I don't know what I'm expecting. Just anything.

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