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Messages - susanlistens

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Suicide Loss / Re: Brother in law's suicide
« on: October 01, 2015, 01:56:05 PM »
My son's father killed himself in April of 2015 and even though I was divorced from him for fifteen years, I'm still grieving my son's loss.  I feel and fear for my son because he had to break down the door after he heard the gunshot.

He lives with me now and I watch him everyday knowing that he will need support.  He has agreed to see a therapist so I will make sure he goes regularly.

For me, I find that writing is a way of release.  Talking to other people in person and online helps me a lot too.  I do my own grieving privately where I do my crying and mourning the loss of what could have been.  I grieve for my son, I grieve for my ex-husband whose body was never truly healthy.

I ask my community for coaching (friends and family) but I don't call them when I know *I* have to do my private crying first.  When I'm ready to move out of the grieving state, that's when I call someone so that I can create an empowering context for what I need to do next.

Grieving is a personal and private thing, unique to each one of us.  This is what I do and it seems to be working well for me.

I hope you find your own healthy way of coping and therefore be there for your family too.  Once you have dealt with yours, the rest follows with ease.

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Suicide Loss / Re: Ambien-related suicide
« on: October 01, 2015, 01:38:57 PM »
I am so sorry about your loss.  My son's father took his own life this year.  He did not leave a will or a trust so that my son could inherit his house so it had to go into probate.  I had been divorced for over 15 years but I grieve just as much for the love of my son and what he is going through right now.

There is so much to be said but I wanted to respond to the selling of the house.

At the start of the sale, the suicide stigma affected the results because there were no offers except for a couple of low-ball offers from investors.  We understood that investors will always make a low offer so we decided that our ideal buyer would be a family that a)  loved the house  b)  was not affected by the suicide stigma at all

One thing we also understood was to be up front about the suicide and not try to hide it or be ashamed of it.  We realized that some people would not want to deal with it at all, while some people would be curious, and some people would not be affected at all because they see value in the house.

However, we knew that all we needed was one good buyer.  We accepted the fact that the suicide was going to affect the selling price of the home.  Something we learned after a month of selling.

It took us two months to sell the house.  We started at 580K... then dropped it to 560K... and then at 540K we had a full price offer with a 20% down payment.  Escrow closed about two weeks ago.

I, of course, get nothing from the proceeds of the sale but I am happy that my son has money for college which is what his father wanted. 

I started a blog (ihearyou.life) to tell our story in the hopes that others might find value from it.

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