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Messages - Nokka

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Main / Re: My Wife has just died
« on: February 14, 2010, 08:06:18 AM »
Thanks guys...last night my friends took me out for a meal and didnt let me pay which was very nice of them...we then went back for some drinks at my mates house..must be the first time since Clare's death that ive had real fun and didnt feel guilty to smile.  Got a hell of a hangover now though which isnt that nice lol

Recommended Grief Books / Re: Enigma "Music"
« on: February 12, 2010, 02:02:06 PM »
Yes, Nokka.  That was said by our wonderful Kevin, who was a wise and insightful on this forum.  He is much missed.  He died on 30th August 2009.  Kevin could always be counted upon to say the right thing.


oh thats really sad to hear. :'(

Recommended Grief Books / Re: Enigma "Music"
« on: February 11, 2010, 02:20:58 PM »
We so often look for answers, solutions and in grief, we so strongly desire respite and relief, a way for the raw, harsh feelings to end. Good music that relaxes and calms a person  helps us accept that grief is a process, a changing. moving  thing with no real end, only change and seeing things differently and ultimately feeling differently about ourselves and our new reality.
what a wondeful way of looking at it...Ive allways loved my music but even more so now with my sadness...I find hearing sad songs helps me oust my hidden feelings and a good cry actually purges the system for me.

Main / Re: new person-hurting alot
« on: February 11, 2010, 02:15:47 PM »
Hello Flamingo...Im very new to this forum and have just read thru ur story and it touched me so much as i have only recently lost my Wife to cancer and my story is so similar to yours i just had to post.. Im only 36 years old and lost my wife after only 6 years of marriage and only tens years together.. I hope your healing well and i only wish for good things for you..  Life is tough and to me right now it feels empty but to know there are other people like me gives me strength to challange yet another day alone.. My thoughts are with you

Main / Re: My Wife has just died
« on: February 10, 2010, 06:01:07 AM »
Once again many thanks for all how have replied and i want you to know its helps me enormously to have people to share this with..I went for my induction with a conciler today and she is starting me on bereavement coucilling in the next 2 weeks...Im also going to see someone for my anxiety and stress also for anger management which i have been plagued with for many years but only felt too embarrassed to deal with..Will keep you posted of how im getting on...much love xxx

Main / Re: My Wife has just died
« on: February 08, 2010, 05:44:45 AM »
Thankyou so much for your message..Im going back to the docotrs tonight and will tell her my for councilling im going this wednesday so i hope to get some encouragement from that too...just getting messages on here makes me feel like i exist so thanks again

Main / My Wife has just died
« on: February 07, 2010, 07:45:38 AM »
Hello my name is Paul and i live in the UK and have just lost my Wife to lung cancer.

I really dont know where to start but basically my Wife was misdiagnosed with having a lung decease called COPD and was left for a further 8 months without treatment until she got very ill and was very close to death..It was then they found on a chest x ray she had small cell lung cancer and for someone of her age its quite uncommon as she was only 39. After a year of numerous treatments and blunders she finaly lost her brave fight on new years day bang on the stroke of midnight..We brought her home to die with all her family around her and since she died i have found it hard to cope with all the reminders in my house that she left me with..Im only 36 myself and had only 6 years of marriage so i feel cheated and really destroyed by all this..It happened too soon and i dont think i can take the pain...last night i even contemplated killing myself and had a load of pills set out before me but finally got myself together and went to sleep.

Today i woke up with no motivation and im still feeling very low..The docotor gave me anti depressents but i dont feel any benefit from them..To add to all my troubles my Wifes family have totally snubbed me and wont talk to me and are doing things without me which also hurts like hell...I feel so alone and for the first time in my life i dont see any goals or reasons to get out of bed.

Been back at work for 3 weeks but my boss is being a complete bastard expecting me to just carry on as normal when all i want to do is leave.  Ive tried other support forums but none seem to help and i evenh found no one would read my posts.  Is there a way out of this nightmare? And who is going to be my valentine now?   I have nothing :'(

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