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Messages - Crow

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Sibling Loss / Small world
« on: December 10, 2009, 10:33:35 AM »
I went in to talk to a counselor at my college today. When I walked in and wrote my name down on the sign in sheet the receptionist had a kind of surprised look on her face. I just shrugged it off.
When the counselor called me in she told me that the receptionist was my brother's mentor last year (for a freshman seminar class) and did Ride the Rockies this summer. My brother was working for a family doing the Ride the Rockies when he was in a car accident.
It kind of shocked me yet made me feel a bit more comfortable in the counseling office. I had never gone before but I figured I should try it out to see if it would help (which it did a bit).

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Sibling Loss / Re: angry at god
« on: December 08, 2009, 03:39:16 PM »
I have the same feelings. My brother, while doing some stupid stuff of course, was a good person overall. I tried to find a reason for his death but couldn't. My grandma told me "he proved himself early to God." After thinking about that a bit, even if it was true, how could "God" take someone and leave pain for so many people? Over 600 people showed up for his memorial (which was downright shocking for my family, we were expecting less than 100).

I had my doubts long before my brother died. I over thought everything all the time when I went to church to a point where I realized it didn't make sense. I've declared myself agnostic since then. I won't walk into any church because what they say sometime infuriates me because I can find fault.

Luckily my family (who are mostly Christians) was understanding to this decision of mine. If you are angry at "God" just let him go and see what else there is. Keep an open mind to others' beliefs and stand up for your own even if it is hard. I think bringing myself away from religion helped me to look at just the world instead of who would take a wonderful life from it.

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Sibling Loss / Loss + College
« on: December 08, 2009, 12:30:57 PM »
I lost my brother, Ben, earlier this year in a car accident. This is my first semester at college, the same college he was going to, and I seemed fine at first. Thanksgiving hit really hard as the first major holiday without him and now I'm having major troubles focusing. These past two weeks have been terrible and I have two finals starting on Saturday, but I just can't seem to sit down and focus on one thing for over five minutes. I think the thought of going out of state to see the rest of my family for Christmas is also bringing me down (mostly because Ben was always the talk of the family, always the one with all the stories). I've found that drawing little joke comics of those stories has helped me a bit (http://eatcrayons.smackjeeves.com/) but recently it doesn't seem to be enough and I don't know what else to do to  :-\

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