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Messages - JuliansShadow

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Main / Get Over It
« on: October 11, 2009, 10:00:53 AM »
Death affects everyone; no one is exempt from it. At some point we all lose someone precious. It's inevitable

I had recently lost a cherished photograph of my little brother; I carried it everywhere in my wallet. Sometimes looking at him with his smile would cause me to tear up and bawl, othertimes I couldn't stop laughing at the shenanigans we pulled growing up.

Our mother keeps the original negatives of this particular photograph; I'd emailed her asking for a copy or the negative so I'd never fear losing his picture.

I received a phone call the other day, in it our mother said "This is the 3rd picture you've misplaced, you obviously don't care about them. Just get over Julian and stop being so depressed." No words can describe the betrayal I felt.

My mother is a accomplished nurse but she sounded so cold and indifferent.

Has anyone else ever had this happen?

Sibling Loss / Re: Poem for Boz, better version
« on: October 11, 2009, 09:39:49 AM »
it's beautiful Pepper; you have a wonderful way with words :)



Child Loss / Re: Strange feelings
« on: September 27, 2009, 02:49:34 PM »

you are accepting the loss of your loved one.

somedays we understand our loved one(s) are gone and other days, we feel lulled into this premature sense they're 'still alive' and when the reality hits us, healed wounds open and dulled pain is renewed.

accepting and reaccepting is helpful to us, much as it pains us to do it.


Main / Re: New to the site
« on: September 27, 2009, 02:26:48 PM »
thank you both very much :)

i've floated around on several depression sites and just didnt feel comfortable: but this site seems very welcoming :)


welcome .....though I am sorry for your loss that brought you here. ..this is a great site for venting and expressing your loss..with others that understand ...


Hi, Welcome to the site.  I hope it's helpful to you.

Child Loss / Re: Cowboy macaroni
« on: September 27, 2009, 02:17:12 PM »
that's so sweet Annie, Dan figured he'd have more success getting at the macaroni than he did with the cookie jar  ;)

I never grew up with 'cowboy macaroni' but i do remember my mother always made albondingas which we all went APE for.

DEFINITELY need to get her recipe and share it :)

your story made me cry, but in a good way.


Main / New to the site
« on: September 27, 2009, 01:57:20 PM »
hi, i'm gabriele

i found this website a few days ago.

just wanted to say hi  :D

Child Loss / Re: Jewish New Year - More tears
« on: September 27, 2009, 11:41:08 AM »
the New Years and Yom Kippur are especially difficult for us; we are asking God forgiveness and understanding but it's so difficult to open ourselves to Him, when he has taken away the ones we love.

the old quib "He works in mysterious ways" only seeks to frustrate us; we as humans demand concrete, visible proof.

May you have a safe and easy fast this Yom Kippur, and my condolences to your grave loss: Jason loves you.


Sibling Loss / Without You, My Entire Life Is Meaningless
« on: September 27, 2009, 11:26:34 AM »
My name is Gabriele, I am Julian's older brother; we are twenty two months apart in age.

I lost my little brother Julian the 24th of November, 1996 to Cystic Fibrosis, a fatal genetic abnormality. He was 11.

Therapists and grief counselors say not to blame your mistakes or problems on the loss of a loved one, it only invalidates their death.

But Julian is my everything; he ismy best friend, my ward and angel. I have several brothers but none of them share the same empathetic link Julian and I have. I find myself growing more and more distant from them and the rest of my family: I never speak with our father, I can barely tolerate my own mother, my uncles and aunts are in the dark about everything.

I've been on a descending spiral since Julian died: I nearly flunked out of high school, was expelled from college, discharged from the military for a suicide attempt, have estranged myself from lovers and many friends...I feel that anything I set my mind to is vapid and in vain. Is it right to blame all my problems on something that befalls everyone? Is my loss so powerful it must inhibit all I do?

Julian is my little angel and I need him more than ever.

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