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Messages - SoCal2010

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1
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 25, 2009, 04:36:34 PM »
No YOU give it a rest Seven. I am stating my opinion and I stand by how I feel. Respect is exactly what I'm talking about. His privacy should have been RESPECTED.

And Lauren I was talking about your post in his guest book, not anyone else, so I don't need to "trust them" since I was talking specifically about your post. I don't think promoting this forum and talking about his "loneliness" was appropriate on a TRIBUTE page. That's just common sense. And no, I'm not "afraid" of anything I post here to be read by my family. I was specifically talking about some stuff Kevin posted about his stepkids. I don't really think it would be good for them to read that he didn't feel close to them.

I've stated how I feel and I'm not responding to this anymore. It's too late now anyway.

2
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 25, 2009, 08:55:14 AM »
I think many grieving people (perhaps even some of Kevin's real life family) would find their way anyhow to this website.   
Certainly I know I have recommended this site to grieving people I know, and then they can choose to join or not, as they wish.

Seven

There are things he shared that I'm sure he wouldn't want certain people reading. Maybe a disclaimer should be put on the front page of this forum saying that any of the "private" feelings we post here could at some point be read by everyone we know!

A memorial guest book is not a place to bring up someone's intimate feelings of "loneliness" and it's not a place to publicly advertise a "private" forum where that person shared private information. A guest book is simply a place for people to celebrate the positive things about the person who has just passed, so their family can read it.

3
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 24, 2009, 11:38:45 PM »
Thank you, SoCal. 

Yes, it seems awfully unfair when someone had such a zest for life and had goals and dreams and was encouraged by means of professional advice/support that this optimism be maintained as a right or privilege, if you may, to continue to feel secure in the hope he held onto and so believed in.

And, I think this is what has a hold on me right now. Knowing that Kevin was sure he was going to beat this.

I'm so sorry about your Mom. I lost my Mom some 33 years ago, she was just 48. I miss her everyday.
It's so hard and my heart goes out to you. Like me, I know you wish you could just crawl up onto her lap and be comforted. What a great love, a mother's love.

I am glad though that you're able to keep contact with others and so thankful in that sense, for the Internet. It can be such a lifeline.

You will be in my thoughts, missing your Mom so very much. And thank you for responding to my pain/confusion tonight, I really appreciate it.

My love,
Terry

Thanks Terry, I'm sending my love to you too. Yes, I would love to crawl onto my Mom's lap or to just sit by her on the porch like we used to when I'd visit. I always pass the porch and visualize her sitting there. I "see" her everywhere.

Kevin was doing well with his treatments so that's why it doesn't make sense. I wonder if some other issue came up. I agree, it seems so shocking because his attitude was so positive, no one could have predicted this. He was posting just a week beforehand.

(((hugs)))

4
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 24, 2009, 11:33:25 PM »
Something is really bothering me. I just looked at his guest book again and a couple people here posted this forum address. I'm not trying to start any problems but I consider the stuff we all write here private and I'm not sure if he would want all his friends, family and co-workers to read all of his hundreds of posts, which I'm sure had some private information in them. You know? If this is supposed to be an online "family" then we should respect people's privacy. Again, I'm not trying to start problems, especially in this thread, but I just had to get that off my chest.

5
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 24, 2009, 09:51:18 PM »
Is anyone else having a really difficult time right now and if so, please share.

So sad, confused...Terry

Yeah, I've been sad ever since I heard about it. I didn't even know him that well since I've only been here 2 months, but maybe because when I came to this board, I was at my most vulnerable point, so people really leave a mark on you.

From all accounts he was a great person, so I just don't understand why this had to happen. He went through enough loss and then to have to deal with his own diagnosis seems so unfair. Yet he still maintained a great attitude. He always seemed upbeat.

This just reinforces the idea that life is so damn unfair sometimes, which of course always leads me back to feeling my Mom was cheated out of precious time here on earth. Good people are always taken too young. I don't understand it.

If I remember right, he did mention something about a special female friend in his posts and I was thinking about her too today. I was thinking that we're all happy that Kevin is reunited with his wife, but there's someone here on earth who cared about him in that way too. So I feel for her too. I almost wanted to acknowledge her in the message I signed on his guess book but I didn't know if that would be appropriate, so I didn't.

So yes, I think we're all kind of numb and shocked hearing the news.

6
Main / Re: Question about belongings
« on: September 24, 2009, 02:25:57 PM »
Thanks :) I was truly shocked.

The cop still hasn't followed up with me so now I'm getting anxious. I hope they don't lose it. :( I guess they still have some investigating to do or something.

I feel like calling but I don't want to be a pest.

7
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 24, 2009, 08:49:53 AM »
Thanks for posting the link to guestbook. It was interesting reading about his life. He was a very accomplished man. I also noticed how in some of the messages people left they talked about him reaching out to them during tough times. The best people always die young, I don't understand it.  :(

8
Main / Re: Our Kevin has died
« on: September 23, 2009, 05:16:59 PM »
I feel in shock. I'm so sorry to hear the news. It seems so sudden.

His posts always had something upbeat about them. You could tell he was a positive person.

I will miss seeing his words. I'm glad he is with his wife again though.

9
Main / Re: My family is all gone!
« on: September 22, 2009, 01:33:26 PM »
I'm sorry you're feeling alone. I can relate since I feel that way too about my family.

Is your wife on medication or seeing a psychologist? There's no way you could be expected to "snap her" out of it. It's too complicated so don't that guilt on yourself.

That's great about your dogs. I've heard pets are a wonderful thing to have when you're grieving. I hope you start to feel better soon.


(((hugs)))

10
Main / Re: Question about belongings
« on: September 22, 2009, 01:28:05 PM »
I can't remember where I posted about my GPS.........but I AM SO HAPPY............a police officer just came over and THEY FOUND MY GPS!! My Mom's Christmas gift to me last year! They located me by the "Mom" address listed in my favorite places.

I'm SOOOOO happy! I was crying happy tears. I couldn't believe it. The negative is that I will have to buy it back from a pawn shop, but I don't care, I'm just so happy I have it back! It was taken by 2 brothers in the town next to me. They found about 10 GPS systems and various things that these brothers took.

So right now I'm waiting by the phone for the officer to tell me what to do next. I guess I will meet him at the pawn shop. Right now the GPS is at the police station but there's some law that prohibits him from giving it directly to me even though I own it. How strange the laws are.

I'm so elated right now. :)

11
Main / Re: Miscellaneous...
« on: September 22, 2009, 10:09:24 AM »
Hi Seven - Aside from cooking a million meals a day, I guess I'm doing okay, just keeping busy. I think I'm in a detachment phase or something. Maybe my brain needed a break. My mind is kind of blank on everything, I don't feel emotion unless I let myself think about it, which I haven't been doing. Maybe that's bad, I don't know. I'm trying to get my stuff organized here in the house. I have been reaching out to 2 new friends so they have helped a lot. I'm still always looking for things that might help me, lately I've been thinking kick-boxing might be a good way for me to release some of the anger feelings I have.

How have you been?

12
Main / Re: Daily accomplishments
« on: September 20, 2009, 10:26:55 PM »
* Cooked 3 meals

* Organized pantry

* Did bills

* Went grocery shopping

13
Main / Re: New to this forum...
« on: September 17, 2009, 09:41:28 AM »
I agree, there isn't any other type of love like a Mom's love. It's really the definition of unconditional love. I know no one cares about me like my Mom did. No one will worry about me like she did, or want the best for me like she did. I have other family and friends, but it's different and to not acknowledge that wouldn't be honest. That's probably why the loss feels so big.

What sometimes helps me is when I meditate and remember how loved I felt by her. I bring the love (or the feeling of the love anyway) into the present. That helps me because then I remember that just because she is physically gone, it doesn't mean her love for me is gone. Your Mom's love is always all around you. She wants the best for you and she wants you to be okay. So you have to take care of yourself for her sake. We all have to do that.

(((hugs)))

14
Main / Re: My Beautfil Mother left me one year ago!
« on: September 17, 2009, 09:32:46 AM »
It's only been 2 months for me without my Mom and I can't imagine a whole year. It feels so strange not to be able to talk to her.

That's nice that you're staying in the house. I met someone else online who bought a home with her Mom and unfortunately her Mom passed away two days after they moved into the house. Later that year, she ended up losing the house because she lost her job. It still pains her years later that she lost the house. It's good you are in a position of choice instead of being forced to do something.

It sounds like you had a special relationship with your Mom, so hopefully that gives you strength.

(((hugs)))

15
Main / Re: New to this forum...
« on: September 16, 2009, 11:06:59 PM »
Hi Linda,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I just lost my Mom 2 months ago so I can relate to your feeling of numbness. I think it's the brain's way of protecting us from feeling too much pain all at once.

I can't believe the creep only got 3 years. I hope the guilt will torture him forever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this trauma. The people here are very supportive so I'm glad you found the forum.

(((hugs)))

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