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Messages - joearmitage

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Happy Birthday, Joe! (joearmitage)
« on: September 18, 2013, 12:43:14 PM »
Went to see Roger Waters at Wembley Stadium, London  the other night, performing The Wall.
I last saw him performing The Wall in 1990, in Berlin, shortly after the wall had been taken down in Germany.
Over the years Elaine and I have seen many bands, including our favourite, Pink Floyd.
I went to see Roger Waters with a very good friend, but it was very difficult to enjoy the experience of such a wonderful event without my Elaine. I know she was with me in spirit though.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Happy Birthday, Joe! (joearmitage)
« on: September 18, 2013, 12:28:36 PM »
Thank you Terry.
I spent the day firstly having a seven mile walk partly around the island that I live on. Nearing home I went for drinks in a local pub, followed by fish and chips in the local chippie (an English thing). When I got home I had a bottle of lager, followed by the remnants of a bottle of whisky  I bought earlier in the week. I know Elaine was with me today, because I know she is with me every day.
On Sunday I am going to have her sacred ashes interred under the oak tree in Somerset, England, that I dedicated to her memory. Life is still so very hard without her, but I know she is with me every step of the way.

Joe xx

Today is the sixteen month anniversary of my Elaine going to Heaven. I don't know how I have got through this far, she must have been helping me. I talk to her all the time, and I KNOW she is with me, she wouldn't not be.
Earlier this year I had an oak tree dedicated to her memory, and later this year I am going to inter her sacred ashes under that tree. When it is my time, my ashes will also be interred under that tree.
I haven't been able to sort out her clothes yet, not even able to open her wardrobe. I also haven't yet been able to look in the drawers where she kept other clothes, plus little items of jewellery etc. I have (sort of) decided that on my next two days off work I will check out the drawers. We shall see.


Spouse, Partner Loss / One year ago today - miss you Elaine
« on: January 25, 2013, 09:54:23 AM »
Today, 25 January 2013, is the first anniversary of my darling wife Elaine's passing. My plan was to plant an oak sapling at Clatworthy Reservoir, Somerset, England in her memory, something that would last for a thousand years. However, somebody from the Life for a Life Organisaton contacted me the other day to tell me that the roads to the site were impassable, snow, ice, roads closed etc. The planting ceremony has been postponed to what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary on 11th April 2013. It is disappointing to say the least, and my son, his wife, two kids, plus Elaine's sister and brother in law have had to change their plans accordingly.
Instead, I went to church to view and photograph Elaine's page in the Book of Remembrance. Obviously it is only open at that page once a year, so it was something I saw this year as opposed to next year if I had been at the planting ceremony. Every cloud has a silver lining.
I also made a donation to the local Cats' Protection League in Elaine's name. This afternoon I went to a local pub and had a couple of her favourite drinks - large gin and tonic, slice of lime, one piece of ice. I swear I could almost see her and her daughter in law sitting there waiting to be collected and taken home, just like they did on several occasions in happier days. When I got home I wrote Elaine a little note, then burnt it in the garden incinerator so she could read it in Heaven. I am shortly going to have a bottle of wine to finish up the day. Well, if you can't get drunk on the first anniversary of your wife's passing, when can you?

Miss you Babe.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Eleven months today
« on: December 25, 2012, 12:16:04 PM »
I've just got home from my Christmas meal, it's now about 7.15pm English time. It was a lovely afternoon out, seeing the kids was magical as always. It was a lovely experience, just wish Elaine was her physically.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Eleven months today
« on: December 25, 2012, 03:45:57 AM »
Today is Christmas Day, and the eleven month anniversary of Elaine's passing. The build up to this day has been pretty tough, and I just wanted it to pass me by. I think back to Christmases past, and it makes me feel so sad that she is no longer physically here with me.

My stepson, his wife and the two boys have come down from Devon to cook the Christmas meal at her parents' home, her parents are going to stay with another daughter, so it will just be the five of us. I'm looking forward to going there in about an hour, as much as I can look forward to anything these days. It will be nice to be together again as a family unit, the five people Elaine loved most in this world.

Several years ago we bought a bottle of champagne, but just never got round to opening it. Today I will take it with me and we will share it over dinner, and remember absent loved ones.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: So quiet here.....
« on: August 09, 2012, 09:50:36 AM »
Today is the first day of my long weekend, four days off work. I went to the gym for a training session as usual this morning, and that always helps me, makes me feel better about things, must be the endorphins. However, the last three or four days have been hard to bear. I am missing Elaine more than I can say, feeling so sad without her. Everything in the house reminds me of her, but at the moment makes me very sad. I don't want to move things around yet, because I need to be reminded of her, in fact I always want to be reminded of her. Elaine was a massive part of my life for 31 years, the one I will love forever, we both thought there would be many more years together. I still find the odd hairgrip, or emery board, or sewing needle lying somewhere tucked at the edge of the carpet, somewhere like that, probably been there for years. But they always make me smile, also make me cry, she was the last person to touch or use that particular item, whenever it was. Have also had white butterflies fly near me in our front garden several times over the past couple of days, also found a couple of white feathers just outside the front door, I like to think she sent them. Although I am feeling very sad right now, I also get comfort from the fact that Elaine is definitely close to me, I just know it, I feel it. I talk to her, especially before going to sleep at night, I just know she is near me.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Six Months
« on: August 01, 2012, 11:59:15 AM »
I look in to the site every day, but don't post that often, althought I must make the effort to do so.

I am currently on my two days off from work this week, so have been to the gym training as usual this morning. My cats are both fed and watered, and I just hope I'm showing them the love I should be. I think I am, because they both hang around me, and are glad to see and be with me. When Elaine was here they could come and go at will, and loved the fact that she was with them all day. I must state that I love them so much.

Over the past couple of days I have found a couple of hair grips in the house, just sitting in part of the carpet, and a one pence coin. I have recently asked Elaine in my heart to send me signs, and I think that she has come up with the goods.

I miss and love her so much, and sometimes it overwhelms me, but I know she would want me to be strong, so I am trying my best. It's not easy of course, and grief catches up with me quite a few times when I am at home. I am in the process of sorting out planting some trees in her memory, and these sessions will take place in November, and on her anniversary in January. I am planting oak saplings for her, and they should live for hundreds of years, which I think will be a brilliant memorial to her.

Elaine's son, my stepson (my son), will be visiting soon with his wife and the grandkids, so I am really looking forward to that. We will got out for a few drinks, have far too much (it's a Brit thing), and reminisce. I need to see them soon so we can iron some things out, talk about Elaine, and, in my case, heal a bit more, hopefully.

I miss Elaine massively, and I know I always will. I am lonely without her, but do not want anybody else in my life. I am lonely for her, not for anybody else.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Six Months
« on: July 24, 2012, 11:42:09 AM »
Elaine passed on Wednesday 25th January 2012, and was cremated on her birthday, Tuesday 14TH February 2012. During her Remembrance Service we entered the crematorium to our favourite song, 'Save Your Love' by Renee and Renato. We knew this was a very cheesy song, but loved it when we heard it in a bar in Malta we used to frequent when on holiday there. So we loved it, and adopted it as our song. During the service, 'Amazing Grace' was played, which was Elaine's favourite hymn. During the commital, 'Time To Say Goodbye' by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, was played. I had some bookmarks made with the words of 'Forever Autumn' from 'War Of The Worlds' engraved on the back. I made a CD of songs which were played during the afternoon/evening at the pub where we went to have a drink and give Elaine a good send off. We definitely gave her a good send off, because I was the last one to leave the pub at closing time. I'm sure that Elaine would have approved of that one, if I had left early she would have wanted to know why. During the course of our time in the pub we played a CD that I had made of songs that reminded me of Elaine, or my situation at that time.

1. Morning Has Broken - Cat Stevens
2. The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Any More - The Walker Brothers
3. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
4. I Wish It Would Rain - The Temptations
5. Best Thing Than Ever Happened To Me - Gladys Knight & The Pips
6. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
7. Crazy - Julio Iglesias
8. Woman - John Lennon
9. (Just Like) Starting Over - John Lennon
10. Wish You Were - Pink Floyd
11. Mama You Been On My Mind - Rod Stewart
12. Days - The Kinks

Those songs contain some poignant lyrics, but by far the most poignant for me, are the words by Pink Floyd 'How I wish, how I wish you were here'.

Tomorrow, 25th July, is the six month anniversary of Elaine's passing. Tomorrow afternoon I will have a couple of beers, raise a glass to Heaven and say to Elaine 'Wish You Were Here'.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: POEMS
« on: June 30, 2012, 01:41:03 PM »
Wish i could write a song for you
to show the world know how much i care.
To let them know the you i know.
Wish you were here with me now,
wish you were here every day.
All i do is cry a lot,
miss you more and more each day.
Wish the pain would go away,
wish you were here for one more day.
This journey without you is so hard,
trying to navigate this world without you.
Without the captain of our ship,
without you to do the things you used to.
I'm all alone now in this world,
got to do it all alone.
I know you are with me each step of the way,
I feel you near me all the time.
I'll strive to do things as you would have done,
I'll never let you down.
Will always try to do the best,
do the decent thing because i know that is what you would do.
Miss you, love you, and love is forever

If grief was a period in history, it would be the Holocaust

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: New normal?
« on: June 19, 2012, 02:13:10 PM »
Check this out


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: moving on
« on: June 19, 2012, 02:02:59 PM »
Glad that you are feeling a bit better today. I think I am in a similar position to you at the moment. Although I hesitate to use the term 'moving on', I feel that I am healing a little bit more day by day. I am not finished grieving either, I know that I will grieve forever. But there is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel, and although we must navigate this lonely road alone, I truly believe our loves are with us every step of the way. I feel Elaine with me, especially at home.


Spouse, Partner Loss / New normal?
« on: June 19, 2012, 10:19:58 AM »
I think I am very slowly heading towards a new normal. Today is the first of my two days off work this week, and if Elaine was here I would probably have went training this morning, followed by taking her grocery shopping, possibly visiting a local pub for a couple of drinks, back home to relax and for me to watch the England match on the telly. I did go training this morning, because it is something I always do on my first day off. After that I went into a church to light a candle for my Baby, bought a couple of beers and a bottle of wine to have while watching the match tonight. I will sit in our house with my two cats and get not a lot of satisfaction watching the England team either win, draw or lose, but I will try to enjoy it. If Elaine was here with me we would have a laugh about anything and everything, because she was always so full of life. The match would be secondary because she would keep turning the channels over to check out her favourites. I used to love her doing that, because I liked to see her happy. She was a woman of simple tastes, not materialistic at all. What she did like, however, was when we went on holiday she liked to get a seat upgrade on the plane, or if we went on a cruise she loved to have a balcony. The pleasure she used to get out of simple things used to make me love her more. She loved nature, especially birds, and she always had a vase of lilies in the living room. Since she went to Heaven I have kept up the tradition and keep the lilies replenished. Later in the year I am taking her son (my stepson), the daughter-in-law, and the grandchildren to the National Forest to plant sapling oaks in her memory. I saw details of the scheme on the internet, and I think it is a perfect way to honour somebody you love. The oaks may be able to live for over a thousand years, and will improve the countryside for all time. I am constantly seeking out ways to do things in her memory, to keep her memory alive. I of course will never forget her, will never stop loving her. The days without Elaine are becoming slowly more bearable. I do not weep as much as I used to, but when I do it seems deeper, more raw. I honestly wish I had been the one to go first. I still feel her with me, and I hope I always will. I still haven't been able to move any of her things, so I will do it in my own time. Who knows when?


Spouse, Partner Loss / Thanksgiving and Remembrance Service
« on: May 16, 2012, 10:24:12 AM »
I have been reading the posts every day, but haven't posted for a while.

Last week one of the Reverends who officiated at Elaine's Memorial Service sent a letter to say that there was to be a Thanksgiving and Remembrance Service for all those in this area who passed away between January and Easter, on Sunday 13th May at 8pm. On the day itself I was pretty numb all day, just so sad, lonely, miserable. Unfortunately my stepson couldn't attend as he lives nearly 300 miles away, and couldn't get the time off work. I was able to get the time off work, but would have taken it anyway, nothing on earth would have stopped me going to the service. Jay's (my stepson) in-laws came with me, as did one of my very good friends. The service itself was candlelit for a time, especially when the names of the deceased were read out. It was a beautiful service, and I came away feeling so peaceful. The church is having the west window replaced with stained glass, which will consist of over a thousand full size shards. I was able to sponsor one of the shards, which means I will be able to have Elaine's name etched inside the glass, and it will be there forever. As it is on the west side of the church, the setting sun will project all the nice colours and names into the church.

I sometimes get caught unawares by grief, like a bolt out of the blue. I miss my darling so much, and I love her with all my heart, just as I have always done. I'm not ready to sort her clothes out yet, or even open her wardrobes - all in good time. I intend getting one of those digital frames and scanning some of our photos into it, that are currently locked away in a cupboard. Again though, at the moment I couldn't bear to look at the photos. The only photo of Elaine's I look at at the moment is one I have on my laptop. Every time I open it up my heart just breaks all over again. I could just ignore the photo and not open it up, but I love to look at her, even though it makes me so sad at the thought of what happened.

I keep myself busy at work, and on my days off after doing all the usual housework that I used to just take for granted, I go to the gym, or out for a couple of pints in my local. I have good people who ring me - Jay, my brother, my cousin, my friend who I was in the navy with all those years ago, Jay's in-laws who also invite me round for meals when I am off work. I feel blessed to have people care enough about me, I just wish it wasn't necessary.


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