Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - LLM

Pages: [1] 2
Main / Re: I NEET TO GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« on: March 18, 2009, 04:52:01 AM »
I know exactly how you feel as I have been doing the same thing. I felt myself sinking into a depression a few weeks ago and decided to get on antidepressants. I hate using them but I think I need them right now.

Like you, I just feel so lost and alone. My boyfriend died suddenly so I wasn't his caregiver but he was my life and I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I don't FEEL like doing anything!

Yes, the friends rarely call and no one really understands the pain. It's just horrible.

Take Care,

Main / Re: When Does It Not Hurt So Much ..........
« on: February 27, 2009, 09:06:27 AM »
Yes, thank you all for posting. It helps to read others words as then I don't feel so crazy and alone. I have sunk into a depression and feel myself wanting to isolate and pull back from everyone. It has been a little over 2 months. Don't know if isolating is the healthiest thing to do but I can't go out and be with friends. I don't find joy in anything. I keep feeling like I need to focus on the things I have to be grateful for instead of feeling sorry for myself but I just CAN'T!

Main / Re: I'm so lost
« on: February 26, 2009, 07:16:55 AM »
I lost my boyfriend of 11 years on 12-21-08. It was a sudden and unexpected  loss. He was only 48. I have joined a grief group and also am seeing an individual counselor. I started a journal as well. All have helped somewhat but the truth is, I am still lost and struggling to go on. Please let us know how you are doing.

Main / Re: feeling lonely and still stuggling at 6 months
« on: February 26, 2009, 07:07:34 AM »
It has been a little over 2 months for me and the last few weeks have been really rough. I too, feel jealous of friends who still have their husbands. I am so lonely and depressed. I think about dying all the time. I just want the pain to stop. No one cared and loved me like my sweetie did. I try to think of all I have to be grateful for but honestly, I don't feel it right now and the depths of my despair scare me. I really don't see how things are going to get better.

I will pray for you. It has been 7 weeks since I lost my Zak also. I just found his blood pressure kit that he was using to monitor his blood pressure and there was a piece of paper in there with his numbers and readings from a few years ago on it and it just killed me to see that. I have started taking mine and it is way up.

I know we both miss our loved ones so much. I truly don't know how I am making it through this. I feel myself sinking into a deep depression and I don't care. I never imagined how hard losing someone you love so much could be.

You are in my prayers.


« on: February 09, 2009, 11:04:49 AM »
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago. The last 2 weeks have been really rough. I can see now I was in shock and denial and now reality has set in. my family has been so disappointing to me, not calling or really being there for me and it makes it worse. The pain and loneliness is unbearable. It sucks. I want him back.

I am seeing a therapist and also going to a grief group. The group helps because people there understand. I hope you can find one that will be helpful to you.

Main / Re: right now....
« on: February 09, 2009, 10:57:38 AM »
I lost my boyfriend of 11 yrs about 6 weeks ago. I am so sad, so lonely. I miss him so much. The pain is just unbearable. I know how you feel. I never REALLY  knew the meaning of pain before my sweetie died. I, too, wish I could have gone with him. I really don't want to live without him. I'd give anything just to have a few more minutes with him.......anything.

« on: February 02, 2009, 09:50:13 AM »
My boyfriend of 11 yrs died of a stroke on 12-21-08. He was only 48 years old. I still think I am in denial as I still can't believe he's gone. It's like my brain has just not processed that this has really happened. I miss him so much. I understand your pain and until this happened to me, I never knew how much death hurts. Reading all these posts and all the suffering out there I've been constantly asking myself what the point of any of this is--life I mean. Everything seems so meaningless and pointless without my sweetie here.

I have never been a religious person but I am trying to believe that there is a God and that there is a place we all go after death. I really WANT to believe he is in a better place but I have doubts if there really is a heaven. What do others think about where our loved ones go after they die? If I could just know he was in heaven it would help ease the pain a little bit.

Main / Re: I think I'm still in denial....
« on: January 26, 2009, 11:42:01 AM »
Thanks. I feel like I am not honoring him if I'm not sad and crying all the time. On the inside, I feel like screaming and crying but on the outside I'm trying to carry on.  I still can't look at his picture because it hurts too much so I have it turned around facing the wall. Then I think I am still trying to deny it like "out of sight-out of mind" type thing.

I go to my grief support group tonight so it will help to talk about this there. Thanks.

Main / I think I'm still in denial....
« on: January 26, 2009, 06:54:05 AM »
My boyfriend and love of my life died on 12-21-08. I have days where the sadness is overwhelming when I don't think I can take another step or do another thing. But for the last few days, everytime I think about what I have lost I push it out of my mind and try to go on with something else. I went back to work right away, I read a lot, anything to take my mind off it. I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me. Every morning I wake up crying but today I did not because I just got up and went about getting ready for work.

Has anyone else experienced this so early in their grief? I'm beginning to wonder that I am still in denial and not accepting this and I don't think that is emotionally healthy.

Main / Re: Loss of husband
« on: January 24, 2009, 04:22:20 PM »
Thank you Omanilady. My boyfriend of 11 yrs died 12-21-08 unexpectedly from a massive cerebral hemmorage. Every day i feel like I am walking in quicksand or something trying to get through the day. The thing is, I don't WANT to get through the day. I don't care because I miss him so much. Ihave been reading a lot of posts to the site and can't believe all the pain and heartache out there that I'm sorry to say I didn't really think about before. I am relatively young (48) and you just don't think your partner will die at that age.

I know that this experience will profoundly change me and your words help me to know I will hopefully come out a better person on the other side, if I make it. Thanks.

Main / Re: My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 24, 2009, 05:47:55 AM »
I lost my boyfriend of 11 years on 12-21-08. He had a stroke, was in a coma and woke up and I thought he was going to be ok but a week later he had a fatal stroke and died. I still can't believe it. I miss him so much. Life seems pointless, nothing matters, and I don't care about anything. He was the only one who really understood me and all I see ahead is emptiness and lonliness and I don't know if I can go on so I totally understand you.

Main / Re: My heart wants......
« on: January 24, 2009, 05:41:29 AM »
I can relate to everything you have said. It has been a little over a month since I lost my boyfriend unexpectedly. He was only 48 yrs old. We have been together for 11 years. I really want to die as well and if it weren't for my 27 year old son, sometimes I think I would just end it all but he just lost his father 6 months ago so I couldn't do that to him.

I can't look at his picture without crying so I have it turned around and I feel so bad that I can't look at it-like I am betraying him. I keep pushing it out of my mind and in some ways i think I am still pretending it didn't happen, that it's not true and that he's going to come back again.


Main / Re: I'm new. My sweetie is gone and I miss him SOOOOOO much!
« on: January 23, 2009, 01:39:44 PM »
I don't know if I can go on day after day without the love of my life here with me. I have talked to friends about having a memorial service for him here and I will do it eventually it just seems like I don't have the energy to deal with it.

Life sucks and I never understood how permanent death was until this happened to me. Of course we all know people are gone when they die but I don't think we really understand what that means until we lose a loved one and realize we will never see or talk to them again.

I have never been a religious person but right after he died I thought I need to start believing in God so that we can see each other in heaven again someday. Is that stupid? I'm trying to hang on to anything I can.

Main / Re: missing Jim
« on: January 23, 2009, 08:44:32 AM »
I can relate to all you have said. I can't even look at his picture without crying. I truly don't care if I live or die. I wish I would get into a car accident or something just to take this pain away. But, I have an adult son who just lost his father, ( my ex-husband) 6 months ago so even though I have thought of suicide I couldn't do it to him. I keep wondering what else will be next and worried something else bad is going to happen that I will not be able to handle.

I did start going to a grief group last week and have started to see a therapist and it does seem to help. What is hurtful is that friends and family don't talk about it anymore. No one asks really about how I am doing--they talk about anything else but my loss.

My boyfriend was only 48 years old and we had talked of marriage many times ans now I wish we would have gone through with it. I feel like people don't take my loss as seriously because we were not married.

The pain is truly unbearable at times and I feel as if my heart is literally being ripped out of my body.

Pages: [1] 2