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Messages - sj1211

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Hi Susan, I was in similar 'shoes' nearly three years ago. My daughter married on July 29th and moved 1200 miles from me on July 31st. She had never lived more than two and a half hours driving from me in her entire life. She still lives that  1200 miles away, but with luck she and her husband will be back within three hours driving from me sometime in the late summer this year. I actually managed to get through that move fairly well.  She was going away to a school that she wanted to to obtain her masters degree. I've gone to visit at least once each year, and she's been home at least once each year, it's expensive, but I just put it 'high' on my priority list. I had never flown much, but have learned to manage that too because of my desire to see her.
  I lost my only son (age 16 years) to a motor vehicle accident three months ago yesterday, and now realize that while her move was difficult for both she and I, it's not the 'worse thing that could happen'. However at the time, I was a mixed bag of emotions, happy for her to be accepted to the school she wanted most, and sad for me to not have her close to me. She has always been close in my heart and we comunicate well, so I know she's missed me too. We've just tried very hard to make the best of it, and know in our hearts that someday we'd be close again. I hope that you will also be able to maintain a close relationship with your sweet daughter, in spite of the miles between you. I'll be thinking of you Susan and praying for strength for both you AND your daughter.

Child Loss / Re: Setting up times to chat
« on: February 15, 2009, 08:25:12 AM »
I am signed in to chat, at 9:24 central time today (Feb. 15th, Sunday) I'll stay signed in for 30 minutes. Hope someone has time to join me.

Child Loss / a song you may have already heard.......
« on: February 15, 2009, 08:09:58 AM »
Kenny has several songs that are especially touching to my heart, here is one:

Small | Large

Child Loss / Re: "the day is here"
« on: February 13, 2009, 07:03:15 PM »
Just going to send you hugs (((((((Rebeca))))))) I haven't traveled that far down this road yet, tomorrow will only be three months for me. Wishing none of us had to be facing the hard times.

Child Loss / Re: Plane Crash in Clarence Center, NY
« on: February 13, 2009, 07:00:51 PM »
The pilot grew up in the same town as me. I don't have any vivid memories, he graduated 2 years before me and I was quite shy at that time. I am an aquainted with his mother. I will be sending her a card. I wish I could do more.  Saying a prayer for all who are suffering because of the crash. Tragic, simply tragic.

Child Loss / Re: Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« on: February 08, 2009, 07:24:22 AM »
Yesterday a friend of mine who lost her 22 year old son almost three years ago said something that made perfect sense to me. Parents who have lost a child live the rest of their lives with one foot on earth and one foot in heaven. Seems right to me. (((Elaine))) I'm so sorry. My loss was more recent, my youngest and only son on Nov. 14 th '08 in a car wreck. I wish I could offer some insight, but sadly I have none. I'll be thinking of you.

Child Loss / i am in the chat room (Feb 8 2009 at 8:15 a.m. central time)
« on: February 08, 2009, 07:16:47 AM »
just wanted to see if anyone is around

Main / Re: I need some input to my situation
« on: February 04, 2009, 08:06:41 AM »
Do not move anything unless YOU want to. That is the ONLY proper way to handle it. God Bless you sunshineme1, you'll be in my prayers!

Child Loss / Re: Am I crazy?
« on: February 04, 2009, 08:00:55 AM »
No, not crazy. I think this is all a cruel joke and that Wes is going to just show up. I know it won't happen, but there are some crazy-like thoughts that go through my mind sometimes. I know what the reality is, but it just simply....well, sucks ! {{{Paula}}}

Child Loss / Re: still on my journey
« on: February 04, 2009, 07:57:28 AM »
Part of my problem (I think) is not knowing what led to the accident. I feel in my heart that Wes was a good driver and I am wanting to know why all those kids on both those vehicles were together on the road like that. They all knew each other. The accident investigation hasn't been concluded as of today. The state patrol has up to three months to complete it.  The reports in the papers and on the radio leaned towards the other car losing control and hitting Wes and causing him to lose control too. I am  sure they were both speeding. I have invited  Wesley's good friend over for supper tomorrow night and I think I will ask if he can offer me some information that I told him I was not ready for earlier. He was in the accident too, so I don't want to upset him needlessly. I haven't seen this friend since about 6 weeks after the accident. I do feel that I need some answers. Also, since the wreck, several of Wesley's belongings have not been found and I am troubled because I believe that 'someone' has them, although I do not know who. His camera, (a christmas gift from me 2 years ago) his cell phone, and his class ring. I want them back and don't know how to go about trying to get them. I don't know if he had them with him in the truck or not. I just don't know. I just want them!
Well, I'm off to shower and try to look pretty for work LOL, its a lot harder these days. I look at my face and still see the suffering. I've tried to take care, but this has taken quite a toll on my physical appearance. Wesley's eyes looked a lot like mine and a few days ago, looking at my eyes in the mirror even made me cry. Thanks everyone, I am so glad I found this place.

Child Loss / Re: Inspirational-Love Story
« on: February 03, 2009, 07:56:44 AM »
John, I want to thank you for posting "love story" It is comforting.

Child Loss / still on my journey
« on: February 03, 2009, 07:09:57 AM »
I haven't posted in a while. I have come here and read posts and wanted to post something, but I never really know what I want to say. I am so sick over losing my son. I echo the feelings of many here, I am tired of the things some people say. I am tired of people putting on their sad face and asking me 'how are you doing?" DUH, my son, my youngest child and only son is gone, and you (the person asking) and I aren't even and have never been "close". I finally came up with an answer the other day that kind of felt satisfying. A man who has known me for years, whom I don't really like or respect asked me that very question "How are you doing?" (with his sad face) and I replied, "Don't ask me that, I don't have an answer for you." Maybe slightly 'snarly', but oh well, I got my point across I think.

Main / Re: More songs
« on: January 14, 2009, 09:40:21 AM »
Brad Paisley ~ When I Get Where I'm Going
Diamond Rio ~ God Only Cries
John Denver ~ Friends With You
Robert Plant with Allison Kraus ~ Your Long Journey
Kenney Chesney ~ Who You'd Be Today

Child Loss / Harder to cope now than in the first few days.
« on: January 14, 2009, 06:50:11 AM »
I don't know why, but I am just now beginning to realize that I am never going to escape the pain of loosing Wes. For the last two days, I have felt more alone than at any point before. I suppose it is partly because I haven't felt well physically. I've seen the doctor and I'm working on that. Just sinus and ear infection, but a nusiance none the less. It's probably also due to the fact that the cards of condolance have stopped. For the last few days of cards trickling into my mailbox, I would ask God each day, please, just one more card, don't let them stop. The last card I recieved was two weeks ago. I recieved a couple 'thinking of you' ones, in regards to Wesley's birthday. Now there are no more. For now, I want everything to just stop, I need to figure out how to answer people when they say how are you doing? I am so totally dumbfounded when casual acquantances who are aware of what I'm facing ask me those words. I started out by saying "oh, i'm doing pretty well considering" and now I just look at them and the tears fill my eyes. Mostly I've tried to do my crying alone, and not let anyone know how badly I'm doing, but then again, I've never been faced with the loss of my child, maybe I'm not doing so badly after all. My doctor asked if I wanted an anti depressant for a while, and I said no, but maybe I should? But what good will it do when Wes is still gone? I am so sad.

Realize that I am only today two months into this journey of grief. I will answer by starting with : I do not feel and haven't so far, felt that I am being punished by God. I don't know why things happen the way they do. I guess I believe that it's not for me to understand. I just have to try to remain faithful to my God, and trust that his will is ultimatly the best choice even though I hate what has happened to my son, our family and all of his friends. I feel such an emptiness and lonliness without him. I have tried not to perceive Wesley's death as if he was 'called home by God', rather I like to think that he suffered a tragic accident, and the Lord welcomed Wes into his eternal home. Not always easy for me to do, believe me. In my whole life I have never felt such despair and sadness. I wish it was time for ME to go to my heavenly home also. Someday I will be welcomed too, until then, it's one second, one minute, one hour, one day.....and so on and so on, all the while continuing to do my best to be an example of true faith to others. That doesn't mean that I will be perfect, or need to be perfect in the eyes of God. He knows what's in our hearts. We are not sinners because we sin, we sin because we are sinners. God forgives. I am praying for peace for you Paula.

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