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Messages - futbllwmn

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Reintroducing Ourselves
« on: March 21, 2012, 08:59:21 PM »
My name is Joyce and I lost my 56 year old husband 06.03.08 due to a blood clot to his heart.  I have been coming here since August 2008.  I don't post alot but I read the posts of others who have lost their spouses/SO.  It has helped me so much to read about their thoughts and emotions.  It seems I take one step forward and then three steps back.  I can truly say I haven't had a happy day since the day Ron died.  I did try group therapy but it didn't work out for me.  I struggle every day.  Some say it gets better but it hasn't for me yet.  But there's always hope, right?  I wish all of us peace.


Main / Re: Talking w/ a 7 yr. old and an update
« on: October 23, 2010, 10:01:41 PM »
ahhhh.. grandkids.. My grandson was 3.5 years old when his Papa passed.  They were very, very close, adored each other.  We had explained to him that Papa was in Heaven and watching over all of us.  One night, about a month after his Papa left, we were sitting down for dinner and he asked "Grandma.. is Papa watching me right now?' and I say yes, Papa was always watching him and my grandson then asked "Is he watching us on a TV?"

Let us all find some Peace.

Joyce aka Grandma

Main / Re: suddenly and totally unexpected
« on: October 23, 2010, 09:44:19 PM »
Penny... I wish I could reach out and give you a hug.  I come here often to read the posts but I rarely post myself.  I lost my husband 06.03.08 at the age of 56.  He died suddenly of a blood clot to the heart.  Although I'm much further in the grief process than you are, I do relate to what you are going through.  I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but, for me, it hasn't yet.  The first year I was in such a fog, denial and still making deals with God.  The second year the fog lifted and I came the the realization that Ron was not coming home.  But this third year has been the hardest I think. Everyone, including my family, has moved on.  And that's a good thing, but I haven't "moved on". I'm in my mid-fifties (kinda young :-) and the thought of living the rest of my days without Ron is still unbearable.  I just don't know how to move on from here.  You are not alone.... someone is always here to vent to.  Keep posting.

I wish you peace...


Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« on: August 25, 2010, 09:35:19 PM »
Thanks Autumn for the words of hope and survival, they are appreciated.  My life just doesn't seem to be following the "normal" (whatever that is) track of grief.  I remember many, many years ago a very dear friend of mine husband had died 7 years prior to the question I asked.. which was "Diana... are you happy?"  to which she replied "I haven't had a happy day since Wayne died."  I remember thinking how terrible for her to feel like that.  I felt so sorry for her.  Now that's just how I feel.  I have not had a happy day in 2+ years.  She passed away in June and I didn't grieve for her because she was now happy.  She believed, as I do, that I will see my husband someday.  That day just can't come soon enough.


Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« on: August 24, 2010, 03:56:03 PM »
Like Pete (UK) I lost my husband June 2008 and haven't been here to much lately.  I'm from Northern California and yes, my life has been a living hell and doesn't seem to be getting any better.  I have read that the second year is the worst (don't know why) but with each passing year it has gotten worse.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.


Main / almost 2 years... so sad
« on: April 01, 2010, 01:45:10 AM »
If I could have one lifetime wish, a dream that could come true, I would wish with all my heart for yesterday and you.

I miss you everyday my Ronnie.  I wait here for the day I will see you again.


Main / Re: with the holidays approaching
« on: August 30, 2009, 07:46:52 PM »
I spent last Christmas, my first w/o Ron, with the bed covers over my head.   It was a completly horrible day.  My husband LOVED the holidays.  I won't go through that hell again so this year I'm taking my kids and grandkids to Hawaii over the holidays.  I don't know if it will be any better but I pray it will be.



Main / 14+ months
« on: August 14, 2009, 11:43:01 PM »
I am just going into my second year, I lost my husband 6.3.08, and this has been much more difficult than the first year.  I think the first year I was in such shock (he was only 56), disbelief, denial, anger, making deals with God... just waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare.  Now I know I will never see Ron in this life.  I still work but other than that I isolate myself from most everyone.  I just can't stand to pretend that everything is getting back to "normal".  Everyone's life has moved on and mine ended that horrible day. I would rather be with my dogs, in the home that I shared with my husband, than anywhere else.  I have been told that this is not good for me but this is the way I want it to be.  The one thing I have learned from this is that I do what I want, when I want and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I have always been told that things will get better, easier but it hasn't for me.   I have just learned to control my emotions, put on that fake smile and deal with it until I can run home.  I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this.  This was not how it suspossed to be for us.  I can't get past it.  I miss him so much. 

Wishing some peace for us all.

Main / Re: Trolls
« on: June 01, 2009, 09:12:14 PM »
Yeah Seven.. I've noticed them to.  The problem is they will keep coming back, under another name so blocking them really does no good.  The best thing is to just ignore them and pray they get tired and go somewhere else. 

Main / Re: My new life, reality hits again
« on: June 01, 2009, 09:07:51 PM »
If it were me.. I'd run... run to the nearest exit, and keep running.  I don't know, it just seems that he has alot of baggage and unresolved issues.  But maybe that's just me.  I just remember, with my husband, there were no games.  It was so easy with him, from the day I met him until the day he left me.  But you know what is best for you and I'm sure you will make the right decision.  Good luck.


« on: May 14, 2009, 08:50:18 PM »
On June 3 will be my first since my Ron left me.  This last month has been hell.  I had thought I was getting better but as this horrible date approaches I feel myself going down a very dark, black hole.  I just can't believe it's been almost a year since my life stopped.  It's so strange that around month 10 I truly realized my husband was not coming back home to me.  I guess I wanted to believe SO much that he was just out of town for a few days.  I really don't know how I will survive without him here.  Every night I ask him to come and get me.  But every morning I wake up to another empty, lonely horrible day to face and I hate it.  I don't want to be here anymore.

Main / Re: good news
« on: April 26, 2009, 10:10:46 PM »
Sonya.. I'm SO sorry to hear of your job situation.  On top of everything else you have gone through you don't need this.  I will be praying extra hard for you in the days ahead.

Bless you,


Main / Re: Recently Loss my Husband
« on: April 09, 2009, 11:36:02 PM »
Casper.. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.  I lost mine 10 months ago to a blood clot to the heart.  He was only 56.  This site has been a God send for me.  There are people here who are in all stages of grief and their advise and stories have been a blessing for me.  As for me, it has not gotten any easier for me so far.  I miss my husband so much.  I don't want this new life.. I want my old one back.  All of our plans and dreams are gone.  There has not been one day that I haven't cried.  Not one.  Some days more that others. Everything you are going through is "normal" in this grief journey.  Carrie is right.. drink lots of fluids, get as much rest as you can.  Take care of yourself first.  Do what you want, when you want.  Don't let anyone try to "guilt" you into doing something you don't want to do.  Come here often.  Although I don't post alot, I have been here almost every day since I found this site.  People here care about you and know the hell you are going through.

Praying for all of us here.


Main / Re: one year
« on: April 06, 2009, 07:34:27 PM »
Georgia.. today is my 10th wedding anniversary.  I went to work and left after a few minutes, I have been crying all day.  All these firsts Georgia are horrible.  Last Friday was 10 months since Ron left.  These last few days have been very difficult and I can't imagine what it will be like on June 3, 2009.  There is such a void in my life... well.. what life I have left.  We are all thinking of you today Georgia.. your words help so many of us here.  You are quite special.

Praying for ALL of us here.


Main / Re: The new life after the sentancing
« on: April 05, 2009, 12:45:16 PM »
Friegden... I met my wonderful husband on the internet (yikes)..We had 13 wonderful years with each other.  Here's my 2 cents (for what it's worth)... as long as your children are OK with it why should anyone else matter?  Your children are your first priority.. you are second and everyone else doesn't matter.  The one thing I have learned in the last 10 months is that I do what I want, when I want.  I am truly sorry if that does not suit some people (family or not) but I really don't care what they think.  Unless you have been down this road you have NO idea what it's like.  Do what you want to do.. you will make the right decision.



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