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Messages - DON W

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Main / Re: LIFE IN GENERAL
« on: October 06, 2010, 07:19:56 AM »
WELL ITS OCTOBER 6TH AND MOM DIED ON THE 21ST OF SEPTEMBER SO ITS A LIL OVER A MONTH NOW AND I HAD JUST STOPPED WITH SEEING MY THERAPIST A FEW WEEKS BEFORE MY MOM STARTED GETTING WORSE WITH HER ILLNESS AFTER HER SECOND LEG AMPUTATION IT WENT DOWN HILL IN SOMEWHAT OF A DRASTIC FASHION AND ALL I CAN THINK IS HOW ALONE I REALLY AM SHE WAS THERE FOR ME NOMATTER WHAT BUT SHE FAILED TO DISCLOSE THE SEVERITY OF HER ILLNESS BY WHAT SHE SAYS WAS TO NOT BURDEN ME WHILE I WAS GREIVING MY WIFES DEATH AND ALL I KNOW AND FEEL IS ANGER MOST DAYS I MEAN REALLY IM AFFRAID THIS WILL PUSH ME FURTHER FROM WANTING TO CARE OR LOVE AGAIN I KNOW FOR A FACT IT HAS AFFECTED ATTEMPTED RELATIONSHIPS SO YEAH I GUESS IN FACT I AM SCARED TO ALLOW MYSELF TO LET DOWN THAT WALL AND I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO FEEL AGAIN SOMETHING OTHER THAN PAIN AND DISSAPOINT MENT IM MORE LOST THAN I EVER HAVE BEEN AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS ONCE INTERESTING TO ME IS FADING FAST UGHHHHHHHHH WHAT DO I DO ????

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Main / Re: The 'honeymoon' period is over!
« on: August 16, 2010, 11:44:06 AM »
hey brother i still think about you and feel and share your pain always

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Main / LIFE IN GENERAL
« on: August 16, 2010, 11:41:52 AM »
well its been some time since my last visit here and i dont know why it had been a great deal of help but maybe i just forgot about it or was just feeling a bit better that i didnt think i needed to be here well as of may it was two years my wife has been gone and i miss her dearley and now i am faced with the inevitabilty of my mother dieing they said at first it might be a year maybe less depending and then as of a meeting a week ago with the palutive care specialist it was 3 months or less well sitting with her last night feeding her with a spoon a vitamin shake i fear it is less and probably considerably and i have so much pain and anger and i would say again but i think its more like still i never really had rid all of what i had when deb died it was just at a level that i learned to live with and not that i was ok having it but i dealt with it and did so through help wit therapy for a lil over a year and sharing with people on a regular some friends some strangers but now watching my mom die the way she is is breaking my heart all over again and it was kinda starting to mend a bit i am so frustrated and dont know what to do with this anger all i can think is the two women who matterd to me most in life are gone and it freakin sucks a big one to be polite i just have so much pain and hurt

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Main / HELLO ALL
« on: August 18, 2009, 12:21:49 PM »
hey to all  i hope everybody that i have shared with knows you have been in my thoughts as well as my heart the days and nights are still sometime a struggle but my thoughts of deb are not as painful as they once were and i have been meeting some new people and have been making some new friends who have been a good support for me even tried datting well that wasnt so successful thought it might have worked guess i just wasnt ready to go there yet anyway i do feel the nasty sting of lonelyness often and maybe i will feel that i am able to love again i just feel at 36 that in most settings im out of place maybe its just me i dont know but not having deb like i did hurts and im not sure if it ever wont but i think of her more now and remember the person she was and the love she gave me and i smile and i thank her everyday for allowing me to share the time i did with her well to all of you who share my pain some words on the possitive side live well love much and laugh often somedays it may be hard too do but just keep trying i know i will i owe it to deb 
Don

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Main / Re: 18 months
« on: August 18, 2009, 07:52:19 AM »
KEVIN,
hey bro its been a long time since we last talked/wrote to each other and for me its been a little over 15 months and you are right knowing who we are is not an easy realization i struggle with it everyday im still doing therapy/counseling but i feel like i just dont fit in anymore kinda tried to sorta date someone but it was not so successful it was like i just didnt feel anything and i think i was more scared of hurting this person because i just couldnt feel. anyway i go through most days just wondering anymore all i can think is how happy she was when i finally came too my senses and asked her to marry me and too lose her the way i did haunts my thoughts and dreams anyway i dont want to lose myself here so i just wanted to say i feel your pain brother and my heart and thoughts are with you,
Don

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Main / Re: hard times
« on: June 17, 2009, 11:51:38 AM »
I know all too well of what your saying a year has passed and its all starting to hit me again the feelings of anger and uncertainty lonleyness its all coming back im still doing therapy once a month and have found support through facebook and myspace reconnecting with old classmates and friends but still the hole is there my heart still hurts and the world seems so strange now i said to a friend today i miss the simple things like kissing my wife before we left for work and just knowing she was going to be there when i got home and the hugs and feeling of just holding her and feeling safe well those feelings are gone there has been some return of joy but its spotty so terri as you so many times told me hang in there and try and hold on to the happy you had i know your pain and how hard that statement is to follow but what else do we have i will pray for you and if you need an ear my email is [email protected] or im on facebook or myspace but please take care ok
Don

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Main / HELLO AND A LITTLE SOMETHING I CAME ACCROSS
« on: June 17, 2009, 11:10:34 AM »
WELL ALL ITS ME AGAIN AND YES IM STILL TRYING TO GET THROUGH SOME DAYS ARE OK AND SOME ARE LESS THAN OK BUT I AM STILL TRYING ANYWAY I SAW THIS ON A FRIENDS MY SPACE PAGE "YOU NEVER SAID IM LEAVING YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE YOU WERE GONE BEFORE I KNEW IT AND ONLY GOD KNEW WHY A MILLION TIMES I NEEDED YOU A MILLION TIMES I CRIED IF LOVE ALONE  COULD HAVE SAVED YOU YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE DIED IN LIFE I LOVED YOU DEARLY IN DEATH I LOVE YOU STILL IN MY HEART YOU HOLD A PLACE THAT NO ONE COULD EVER FILL IT BROKE MY HEART TO LOSE YOU BUT YOU DIDNT GO ALONE FOR PART OF ME WENT WITH YOU THE DAY GOD TOOK YOU HOME" AND THAT  MY FRIENDS I THOUGHT WAS SOME DEEP STUFF I HAD TOO SHARE WE ALL CAME HERE FOR A REASON I KNOW I HAVENT BEEN HERE AS OF LATE BUT I THINK OF ALL OF YOU WHO WALKED WITH ME IN MY TIME OF GREAT NEED AND AM FOREVER GREATFUL I HOPE YOU ALL ARE FINDING PEACE AS FOR ME IM STILL LOOKING BUT IM WORKING ON IT TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NEW HERE ITS A GREAT PLACE TO FIND SUPPORT IN YOUR TIME OF LOSS  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES

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Main / WELL TODAY IS A YEAR
« on: May 11, 2009, 12:18:57 PM »
Well first i want to say hello to all the wonderful ladies and gents who walked with me through the pain in one way or another as we are all here because of a loss whether it be our wife or husband father mother bro sis ETC to those of you who lost their signifigant other like myself take pride in knowing you had the honor to love and be loved by that person because thats what it is a privellage an an honor some people will never know love like we did and knowing that truely makes me sad .
as i honor my love on this day i think about all the life and kindness and compassion my wife wanted to share with me and am greatful to have had the time i did with her even if it was ended far to soon she showed me there was allot more to life than partying and goofing off she helped make me the man i am today and she showed me that when you have someone to love and love you back the rest of the world doesnt seem so important and since shes been gone all i can think about is that love and how lucky i was but without it how much everything just doesnt seem to feel the same ive been getting the it takes time to heal comments often and that may be so but having love and lost it was better than not ever having it at all. im not crying as much but the hurt and pain is still there and im still alone for the most part ive met some new people here and there and connected with some old friends but the life altering change that has taken place will forever be with me so to those of you i shared private chats with thank you and know ill be back from time to time and those of you who are new tell people how you feel listen to the ones who have been here for a while and never stop remembering the ones you love cause its their memory good or painful as it may be that will eventually be the building block to help you start the next chapter of your life god bless you all and thank you for giving me strength
Donni Weiss in loving memory of my awsome loving and ever so compassionate wife Deborah Lynn Weiss who passed 5-11-08 i miss you so much and will always love you

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Main / Re: CAN SOMEONE HELP ME WITH THE ISSUE OF FEAR THAT SET IN
« on: February 09, 2009, 08:49:48 AM »
well firsti want to thank you for the kind words you wrote to me second i think your probably starting to un numb a bit i think thats what happend to me i kinda went on as though things were ok and i was gonna do what i had to to continue my life then the realization of what really happend started to sink in a few months ago and my wife died in may it sounds as though you had a good bit to shoulder and i think it probably really made you a much needed person and now with no family where you are a very lonely person i have some family close where i live but we dont speak alot
and i feel very lonely at times my wife was my love my best friend and everything else i needed or wanted so its pretty much me now and thats been rough i just hope you find some support and it helps lessen some of your pain and heart ache i cant offer much advice as im still learning this next chapter in my life now being alone but i truely recomend a grief support group it does help and counseling as well its worked for me well good luck to you may your heart start its road to healing sooner rather than later

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Main / just wanted to say thanks
« on: January 29, 2009, 12:53:15 PM »
to all of you who have walked with me through all my pain and heart ache
i thank you from whats left of my heart i know life is differnt for alot of us here now and i know i havent been here as often as i was and i dont think its because i dont need to be its just im tired lately and seeing what others go through and read some of what they are feeling it hurts too much and as hard as it is some days im trying to focous on what i do have and not what i dont i love my wife till this day but until i reunite with her in heaven god willing i have to push forward and not fall from reality so again thank you all and i will return and too the ladys from chat i miss you all and hope your days are getting a bit better to deal with god bless and love you all
Don
I LOVE YOU DEB WEISS AND ALWAYS WILL AND FOR THE SHORT TIME YOU SHARED MY NAME  AND ALLTHE REST OF THE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER I WAS THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD LOVE YOU ALWAYS BABE

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Main / MY DEAR DEBS B-DAY
« on: January 28, 2009, 06:57:36 AM »
well people today would have been my wifes birthday so let me start by saying i love you babe happy birthday i wish you were hear to enjoy it i miss you so much.
life for me has been all over the map ive done the support group ive tried meds im doing counseling every 2 weeks and collectivly they have helped
but after being with a woman for 8 + years and now being alone at 35 im loosing my mind i miss the love i miss the affection the closeness the feel and touch of my wife and honestly the world seems differnt to me
its been since about a week before my wife had her heart attack that i have been with a woman physically and that was the last week of april and then to watch her leave this earth has left me twisted inside we were supposed to grow old together i mean i finally got my shit together and saw what a great and wonderful woman she was and how much she really meant to me and did what was right and married her and what do i get in return a little over 7 months as a husband and shes gone right before my eyes literaly died in my arms and then died again in the hospital  so hows that for a marriage well i will tell you it sucks we had so many plans so many good times to be had and things to do so much more love to share so now what do i do without her someone please tell me cause i have no freakin clue so again I LOVE YOU ALWAYS DEB AND MISS YOU SO MUCH  LOVE YOUR HUSBAND FOREVER D OR AS YOU ALWAYS SAID LOVE YOU BABE

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Main / just tired
« on: January 13, 2009, 08:12:10 AM »
hello all,
im here today in need of support im very weary my wifes mother is in a assisted living home and has been since my wife died in may she had a few surgerys to correct problems only thing is she is 82 i think and i dont think she wants to fight anymore and hasnt gotten much better and they are telling her now she may end up staying and not leaving she has been upset because i havent been visiting her much only thing is when i do all she wants to talk about is my wife and how she wants to be where deb is and i dont like to hear that stuff and she asks me if i ever feel that way and i dont i love my wife still and miss the crap out of her but i dont want to be dead i want her to be alive and i know she is not and im trying to accept that im having a hard time but im trying atleast and im not ready to give up
and now my mom is in the hospital she had a heart attack a few years back and since the bypass surgery she has had circulation issues and has had a couple surgerys to correct the issue but they didnt work now she may have to have part of or all her leg ampputated and my brother tells me now that the last couple of months she was to have other surgerys but has walked out of the hospital or not shown up for them and i was never told about this till last night and that really pisses me off im the oldest son and she always tells me stuff but i didnt know about the severity of her issue till now when she is facing a possible ampputation and honestly im still not 100% sure what the hell is going on i went to the hospital to see her and no dr was available to talk to so im getting most of my info from my bro which is not a great source and apparently she signed something to the effect that she didnt want info released even to family which scares the crap out of me so after a few months of getting a bit forward in dealing with my wifes death i just got knocked back through a loop and im just really freakin tired of all lifes little fu's as of late im 35 a widower very alone and the people who i should be able to look to for support seem worse off than me what the crap is going on?well im at work and getting kinda busy so i try back later just wanted to get some stuff off my mind thanks all for the support

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Child Loss / DEBS BDAY
« on: December 02, 2008, 01:40:19 PM »
LOVE YOU FOREVER BABY

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Main / Re: Discarding Memories
« on: December 02, 2008, 01:25:52 PM »
HEY THERE KEVIN,
I JUST NOW STARTED TO THINK ABOUT STARTING THE PROCESS I ONLY GAVE SOME SHIRTS TO THE PLACE SHE WORKED WELL SHIRTS AND SWEATERS SHE WORKED T A FLOWER SHOP CALLED  ROYERS AND ALL THE SHIRTS HAD THERE STORE EMBLEM SO I FIGURED SOMEONE WOULD BENIFIT AS FAR AS ANYTHING ELSE MAN I THINK ABOUT IT AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO YET SO MANY THINGS THAT CREATED MEMORIES FOR US AND IT ALL JUST SCARES ME I KNOW IT WILL NEED DONE ESPECIALLY IF I DO DECIDE TO MOVE WHICH HAS BEEN A THOUGHT I FIND IT HARD TO COME HOME AND HAVE OUR PLACE BE JUST ME AND NOT HER AND IM NOT SURE I CAN MOVE FORWARD STAYING THERE THIS IS NEVER STUFF I EVER IMAGINED DOING TILL WE WERE ABOUT 80 OR SO NOT A YEAR OR SO AFTER WE MARRIED I KNOW WE CANT CHANGE THE PAST I JUST WISH I WASNT SUCH A CHICKEN AND MARRIED HER SOONER THATS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HURT THE MOST KNOWING HOW HAPPY SHE WAS WHEN I FINALLY DID AND THAT QUICK IT ALL DISAPEARD DAMM MAN ANYWAY IM SORRY FOR GETTING OFF TRACK THERE BUT JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE A GOOD MAN AND HAVE HELPED ME VERY MUCH WITH YOUR SUPPORT AND WELL IGUESS YOU WOULD SAY UNFORTUNATE WISDOM GOING THROUGH THIS YOURSELF THANKS AGAIN MAN

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Main / Re: Weary of life
« on: November 17, 2008, 01:26:47 PM »
AS EVERYONE ELSE I AM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THOUGHTS OF NEGATIVE THINGS I DONT REALLY HAVE THOSE I WANT TO LIVE I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL LIVING AGAIN AND THAT MY FRIEND IS WHATS BEEN THE EVASIVE PART OF ALL THIS I MISS AND LOVE MY WIFE SO FREAKIN MUCH I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME FEELING OR THOUGHTS OF POSITIVE THINGS PETE HARD AS IT MAY BE PEACE BROTHER

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