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Messages - Larry

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Main / Loss of my wife
« on: January 30, 2008, 08:51:09 PM »
My wife, Carolyn, passed away on January 9, 2008 from metastic lung cancer. She was my best friend, a great mom, keeper of traditions and caretaker of our home. We grew up in the same building in New York City, fell in love when she was 19, and were married for over 33 years.

Carolyn became ill in September, 2006. Because of complicatioons that led to her being in a coma, she spent 7 months in 3 different hospitals, and 5 months in a nursing rehab home before she was strong enough for me to bring her back to our own house. She thought she had the disease beaten; but just as everything was looking up, it spread to her liver. In August, the oncologist gave her 2 months, but she fought her way to 6.

I guess the point of all of this is that for 16 months I visited her virtually every day she was sick, took care of her and fed her. And even though I knew the end was inevitable, I held out hope that maybe we could have a happy ending. And we weren't sad; just the opposite. Especially during the last year, it was as if we were first dating. We laughed and laughed and I looked forward to being with her.

But since her passing, I've been lost. My routine from morning to night has so drasticlly altered that I don't know what to do. I'm dressed and ready to leave for work an hour earlier than I need to be. At work, I'm finding it hard to speak to customers and prefer burying myself in paperwork. At night, i'm just lonely with no one to talk to or care for; and I wake up in the middle of the night thiking about her.

I'm thinking of seeking help from a psychologist or Dr. but am not very good opening up in a face to face situation with a stranger.The one experience I've had with a psychiatrist wasn't very helpful, so I'm reluctant to try again. We'll see, but for now, I'm running on empty and in no particular direction.

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