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Messages - Tylersmommy

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Child Loss / Re: Introducing Our Precious Children
« on: January 13, 2008, 11:43:54 AM »
Well, it's been a very long time since I have been here. But I have found that coming here every once in a while helps me through tough times. So I want to share my story... No, this isn't my story, it's Tylers.

Tyler was born April 26th 2002. Healthy happy little baby, he was. I had 3 months and 1 week with my little precious. He had just strated lifting himself up with his two little hands while laying on his stomach. He started to recognize his toes and loved to put them in his mouth. Smiling. Not very many landmarks a baby can hit that young.

He was going to the dr's on a regular basis, every week, for weight checks. He had a hard time gaining weight. Thyroid problems they told me. Ok, I can handle that. We up'ed his caloric intake, (more formula, less water) and fed him every 4 hours. The dr said it was doing exactly what we wanted. He was up to 15 lbs. Yay.

On Sept. 2nd, I woke him up at 1 AM, and fed him. I still remember him, eyes half open, dozing off every few few seconds. Finish the bottle, change the diaper, kisses and lay him down, the same routine every night.

I was talking to friend that night. We had bought a "SIDS Star" (donate a dollar to research), and she asked me, "what would you do if Tyler passes away?"  "How would you tell people?". And the conversation continued. I have always thought that death was something you had to prepare for, no matter the situation. Maybe that makes me morid. But that night, I tought about it. How would I handle it? What would I do, or say? How would I afford it? I decided the next day to look into the gerber grow up plan.

My alarm goes off, it's 5 AM. I couldn't help but think, "It's to early for this." I laid there for a minute, and something told me to get up. So I did, and with a sense of urgency I still can not explain, I walked across the living room of my small apartment, into Tyler's room. He wasn't breathing. The one thing that sticks out in my head about that morning, is when I picked him up and his head "lolled". I knew. Everything else about that day was a blur. But when his neck had no muscluar strength in it, and it just... "lolled". That was the worse thing in the world. I ran to the other end of the apartment, clucthing him to my chest to call 911. He was gone.

I miss him dearly everyday, and he is always in the front of my mind. I have tattoo's in his memory, and everytime I see a tulip, I know he is near. (Tulips was his 'nickname')

I am lucky though. I "have" 8 other children to love and nurture. None of which are my own. I seem to collect them through friendships and I have 1 wonderful step daughter. God has put these children in my life for me to love, because I have so much love to give. Tyler Anthony, Myla, Kenzi, Kayla, Preston, Izzi, Anni, Tyler Micheal, and Joshua... I love them all. And am thankful for them. But to have my baby back in my arms, for only one second....


2
Child Loss / Tyler's birthday
« on: January 13, 2008, 11:14:17 AM »
Tyler would have been a rambunctious 6 years old today. Maybe I would have taken cupcakes that he helped to decorate to his school. Maybe he would have wanted transformers, or matchbox cars, or a new video game. Maybe I would have had a house full of hyper 6 year olds for a round of pin the tail on the donkey. I guess I will never know.


3
Child Loss / Re: Birthdays & Angel Days
« on: January 13, 2008, 10:13:47 AM »
Tyler's Birthday ~ 04/26/02

Tyler's Angel Date ~ 09/02/2002


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