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Messages - sykeller (Ray's mom)

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1
Child Loss / Thank you dear friends
« on: March 19, 2007, 10:48:22 AM »
Thank you dear friends for thinking of me, and Ray.  The few weeks leading up to his birthday have been very difficult.  I find myself retreating more and more into that dark, depressing place we go to.  My daughter and I sat under the stars the night before, we cried together, remembering her brother, my son.  That night we slept together, like we did when she and Ray were young children.  She will be thirty-four in August, the little sister, now older than Ray was when he died, it was comforting having her presence nearby.  I had collected short messages from family members and friends, printed them up and inserted them into balloons before releasing them on his birthday.  This was the fourth birthday that has passed without my son, it should be getting easier, but it has not, there is an underlying saddness in everything I do.

Wishing you comfort and peace,


2
Child Loss / Re: How I got through Patrick's 1st angel date
« on: March 02, 2007, 07:09:01 AM »
Marie,

I think of you and Patrick often.  I am so sorry you are having to go through this, these dates are so hard on us.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy

3
Child Loss / Last night I dreamed...
« on: February 24, 2007, 03:47:29 PM »
I was reading an obituary on-line, as I finished reading the obituary changed to another name, this happened over and over again, the media changed as well from on-line to newspaper, over and over again.  It would not stop, it then became a template with fill in the line fields labelled:  Your childs name here, Cause of death, Place, Date & time.  I kept praying for it to stop, pictures changed from the face of one young person to the next, all so senseless, so heartbreaking.  I was so relieved to wake up, the parade of names of dead children finally ceased.  This is so wrong, so senseless.  Is it because my son's birthday is approaching?  I am so preoccupied with death these days.

Wishing you peace,

Sy

4
Child Loss / Re: People Laughing, music, joy
« on: February 21, 2007, 10:05:18 PM »
Today at work, I listened to people laughing, loud music, joy of life.  I don't feel any of this.  When someone at our luncheon talked about someone's future,  I said:  Not everyone has a future.  My daughter, who was standing there, was insulted.  She said something like, what about me, my life, maybe my children... don't any of us have a future.  I said, what I meant was Jason does not have a future and she stopped me from talking.  She said, please don't try and change what you said.  I know what I meant but I also know how she perceived what I said.  I am the daughter of a mother who lost a child and I would have reacted the same way and yet, hard as I try, sometimes I say and do the wrong things where my daugher is concerned.  This life is so hard, so painful.  I am jealous of those enjoying life.  There, I've said it.  I am still in such pain over losing Jason and no one, no one, other than a mother, father, a special aunt... who cared about her nephew or niece, can understand.  I am so jealous of people talking of their sons.  I want to scream, I don't have my son, but naturally, I don't.  Sometimes I walk away if it is said in a crowd, but if someone is talking to me, I listen.  Sometimes, I feel like a hollow shell.  I don't want to feel this way.  I want to see the sun.  I want to feel the rain. But now all I feel is hollow and it is becoming more and more difficult to tighten the mask.  What is also so difficult is that generally people don't understand this pain... two years, should be easier.. No, just tighter. Thanks for letting me vent.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Rebecca,

I understand all too well.  I, too, have a daughter who, although she was unbelievably close to her brother, feels that the loss I feel for my son eclipses my feelings for her as my daughter.  I have tried to relate the parable of the missing sheep, to no avail.  It is so hard to convince her that although I love her as much as I love her brother, I am missing a part of my life, my puzzle, I am incomplete.  Noone, except the persons on this board, truly understands.

Wishing you peace,

Sy

5
Child Loss / Re: Court is Done
« on: February 21, 2007, 09:49:14 PM »
Melissa,

I am glad you are through with this part of your ordeal, and glad you have the comfort of knowing the funds have been allocated to the appropriate accounts you have designated.  I hope you are able to find some measure of peace knowing that these wishes have been carried through.  I know nothing will ever ease the pain of losing your beloved Charlie, but know he would have been pleased and proud of the things you have made possible through your actions.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy

6
Child Loss / Re: I don't want to do this again
« on: February 16, 2007, 05:51:33 PM »
Barb,

I'm so sorry, I don't know quite what to say, the thought of losing another child is unbelievably cruel.  Praying you find the strength to make it through this again.

Sy

7
Child Loss / Re: Calendar Post: Alex's Birthday
« on: February 16, 2007, 03:16:09 PM »
Lori,

I hope you feel his presence and it brings you peace.

Happy heavenly birthday Alex!

Sy

8
Child Loss / Re: A Valentine's Day message of HOPE
« on: February 15, 2007, 07:46:12 AM »
Cheryl,

Very inspiring!

Thank you for sharing that message today,

Sy

9
Child Loss / Re: Have never been here before cant do this alone
« on: February 15, 2007, 07:42:19 AM »
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and grandson.  I am sorry any of us have a reason to be here.  You have come to a good place; everyone of us understands and cares.

I lost my oldest son, Ray, to suicide on July 23, 2003.  Since the time of his death, his former wife has kept my grandson Matthew (then only 2 1/2, now 6) from seeing our family.  In a sense, it is as if I, too, have lost my grandchild.  My greatest hope is of seeing him again someday, although I doubt he would remember me.  The people on this board have been a tremendous source of support & love. 

I hope you will post more when you feel ready.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy

http://ray-guerrero.memory-of.com/





10
Child Loss / Re: NEWS
« on: February 15, 2007, 07:14:27 AM »
Yeah!  I am excited for you--I know you will do great :)

Sy

11
Child Loss / Re: Scary Day (warning triggers) long
« on: February 14, 2007, 10:32:59 AM »
Shelly,

I am so sorry to read of your son's accident, I know how frightening it must have been for you.  So happy to know that he is going to be alright.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Praying for Adam's swift recovery,

Sy

12
Child Loss / Re: My angel is sweet 16 today - Haley's mom Deb
« on: February 14, 2007, 09:37:17 AM »
Deb,

Sweet sixteen is such a special day in a young womans life, pink roses, satin dresses and cake.  I am so sorry you are not able to celebrate this day with your precious Haley. 

As my son's 36th birthday approaches, March 17, I grow sadder and sadder each day.  I understand your pain.

Happy Heavenly Sweet Sixteen, Haley!

Wishing you peace,

Sy

13
Child Loss / Re: Valentine's Day SYMBOLS (possible triggers)
« on: February 14, 2007, 09:31:44 AM »
John,

That beautiful article brought tears to my eyes, so hard to deal with all the hearts and roses when our hearts are so thorougly broken.

Thank you for sharing,

Sy

14
Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday Silas
« on: February 14, 2007, 09:13:59 AM »
Linda,

Thinking of you and your precious Silas, he is a gorgeous young man.  I hope you feel his presence as you celebrate his life.

Happy heavenly birthday Silas!

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy

15
Child Loss / Re: Bitter Sweet
« on: February 14, 2007, 09:10:50 AM »
Dottie,

I am so happy for your success in moving "Project Tammie" forward.  Your determination is paying off, Tammie would be so proud of you.

I also think the salon is a good idea, it will give you something to keep your mind occupied, it can be a very positive thing.  I am excited for you and wish you continued success on "Project Tammie" and the new salon. 

Wishing you peace,

Sy

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