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1
Suicide Loss / angel date coming
« on: April 30, 2011, 08:02:36 PM »
Next friday the 6th is dads 4yr. angel date. Been getting pretty emotional lately I do this every year. Figured it would get a little easier as the yrs go by but it seems to be getting harder. I just think man it's been almost 4yrs. now when is the pain gonna go away. I see my daughter growing up and think look at what dad is missing his wittle one is gettin so big. She was his pride and joy and he's missing everything. I wish he would never have left us so soon. My mom seems to be dealing with him being gone better than I am. I guess that's because he was my daddy. Or maybe knowing her she's hiding it from me to try to help me move on. Sorry to vent but it seems like I do this every year.
2
Suicide Loss / Re: Renee
« on: April 30, 2011, 07:53:55 PM »
Hi Terry,
Yes i checked out the sites you gave me but none of them really pertaned to my situation but yes I did finally tell her about a month ago, she took it a lot better than I thought she would. It feels so much better to have that burden lifted, now I don't have to tip toe around the subject. Thanks for your thoughts.
Yes i checked out the sites you gave me but none of them really pertaned to my situation but yes I did finally tell her about a month ago, she took it a lot better than I thought she would. It feels so much better to have that burden lifted, now I don't have to tip toe around the subject. Thanks for your thoughts.
3
Suicide Loss / Re: loss of father
« on: April 10, 2011, 07:40:54 AM »
Well everyone I finally told my daughter the truth about a month ago. She was listening to a song called suicidal. I asked her if she knew what that meant and she said something totally off the wall. So that started the whole subject I explained to her what suicide was and reasons that some people take their own lives. Then she asked has anyone in our family done that. At that moment something told me she was ready to hear the truth. So I told her everything. She handled it very well and now understands why me and grandma break down and start crying sometimes. She is happy that I told her the truth and understands why we didn't tell her then. It was such a relief to me to tell her now I don't have to worry about someone slipping up and saying it to her.
4
Suicide Loss / Re: loss of father
« on: January 23, 2011, 03:26:50 PM »
just wanted to ask if anyone had any advice on when i should tell my daughter the truth. We told her that my dad died of a heart attack she was only 8 when it happened she is almost 13 now and i'm at a loss as to when to tell her the truth i know i have to tell her the truth eventually but i'm not sure when would be the right time. My daughter loved her grandpap very much and misses him so much. I'm afraid when I tell her the truth it will open her grieving all over again. Any advice from anyone that's been at this point I need your opinion desperately.
5
Suicide Loss / loss of father
« on: January 14, 2011, 09:16:20 PM »
It's been quit a few years since i've been on this site. I lost my dad almost 4yrs. ago. I still have a lot of bad moments the worst one happen a few weeks ago my daughter had my dad's voice from that morning on her cell phone she played it and I just lost it it was like that day all over again. I was crying hysterically and couldn't calm down for almost an hour. I thought I was doing better but it's still so hard. I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I'm so glad there is a board for suicide survivors on here now THANK YOU TOM!!
6
Main / Re: Unexpected death of a parent
« on: June 14, 2008, 04:01:04 AM »
Sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. No matter the circumstances grief is hard to deal with. I feel when it is a parent or a child you feel this overwhelming emptiness in your heart. I lost my father to suicide 13 months ago. Granted I knew my dad well. On the other hand years ago my uncle died and his daughter had not seen or spoke to her father since she was 7 yrs. old she was almost 18 when he passed. She was an emotional wreck for a long time. I was able to tell her about how her dad was as a person and share memories of him which made her feel a lot better. Maybe find someone that knew her well that you can talk to. Also maybe try getting on overstock.com and find some books that also can help you. Also you may want to consider some counseling group of private or both if you need. Hope this helps you in some way.
Many hugs,
Renee
Many hugs,
Renee
7
Main / Re: Suicide
« on: June 11, 2008, 05:53:47 AM »
alleycat,
So sorry to hear of the loss you all are suffering. I know exactly how this situation feels. I lost my father to suicide last year. I just recently bought a few books off of overstock.com. After starting to read them I really wish I would of got them sooner. I gave one to my mom and she said that the book is really helping her to understand things better. Maybe check into that your bf and his mom could really benefit from reading them. I hope this helps. Also tell your bf to get on this site it could really help him also. Grief is so hard to handle and when its to suicide its harder because of all the why's and what could have I done different to prevent it. Let your bf and mom know that there was nothing they could have done. He chose to end his own life. They had nothing to do with his decision nor could they have stopped him. Mom will get through this in her own time the pain will always be there and depending on how he did it and who found him that vision will always be in there mind. It's a hard thing to deal with it will take time.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with my dads suicide but I'm managing the best that I can. Take care of yourself. Tell your bf I send many hugs and kisses his way and to the rest of his family.
Renee
So sorry to hear of the loss you all are suffering. I know exactly how this situation feels. I lost my father to suicide last year. I just recently bought a few books off of overstock.com. After starting to read them I really wish I would of got them sooner. I gave one to my mom and she said that the book is really helping her to understand things better. Maybe check into that your bf and his mom could really benefit from reading them. I hope this helps. Also tell your bf to get on this site it could really help him also. Grief is so hard to handle and when its to suicide its harder because of all the why's and what could have I done different to prevent it. Let your bf and mom know that there was nothing they could have done. He chose to end his own life. They had nothing to do with his decision nor could they have stopped him. Mom will get through this in her own time the pain will always be there and depending on how he did it and who found him that vision will always be in there mind. It's a hard thing to deal with it will take time.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with my dads suicide but I'm managing the best that I can. Take care of yourself. Tell your bf I send many hugs and kisses his way and to the rest of his family.
Renee
8
Main / Re: It's like a band-aid
« on: June 02, 2008, 04:37:27 AM »
Jacque,
Sorry to hear you are so sad. I too am missing my dad more and more. I think its because the realization that he's not coming back is kicking in now and it's been almost 13 months now. You're right it does feel like a band-aide coming off slowly I never thought of it that way good philosophy. Give it time it will get easier. I read in a book that the first two years are the worst especially the 2nd year at the 3 yr. mark it starts to get a little easier. I don't know what kind of music you listen to but listen to Mariah Carey her new CD the song called "Bye, Bye" it's a beautiful song and it is so true. Many hugs and kisses to you.
Renee
Sorry to hear you are so sad. I too am missing my dad more and more. I think its because the realization that he's not coming back is kicking in now and it's been almost 13 months now. You're right it does feel like a band-aide coming off slowly I never thought of it that way good philosophy. Give it time it will get easier. I read in a book that the first two years are the worst especially the 2nd year at the 3 yr. mark it starts to get a little easier. I don't know what kind of music you listen to but listen to Mariah Carey her new CD the song called "Bye, Bye" it's a beautiful song and it is so true. Many hugs and kisses to you.
Renee
9
Main / missing dad
« on: May 31, 2008, 09:12:04 PM »
Just need to vent some. I have been an emotional wreck the last couple weeks. Crying at the drop of a dime for no apparent reason. I actually went on overstock.com and ordered two books to help me deal with my fathers suicide. I just got them today. After a year I thought the pain of losing my dad to suicide would be better. I was ok for a while it was like I finally came to terms with it. Then all of a sudden the pain is back it feels like it just happen. The pain of his death feels so fresh again. I'm finally realizing that I'm never going to see my dad again and it literally scares me. If I could just travel back in time and say goodbye and give him one last kiss. I miss my dad so much I can't eat right and I'm most definately not sleeping right. I work midnight shifts so my sleep schdule is already screwed up. A lot of mornings after I get my daughter on the bus I try to go to bed but I lay in bed and think about my dad. I remember all the good times and wish I had more. Then I remember the day I got the call that he shot himself. After that all the good memories fade away and I'm hit with the pain like a ton of rocks and I end up crying myself to sleep. Sorry to ramble on so much.
Missing dad,
Renee
Missing dad,
Renee
10
Main / Re: My DAD
« on: May 22, 2008, 05:51:08 AM »
Bucket,
I too know how you feel. I lost my father a year ago to suicide. It's rough I still cry a lot. I was telling someone at work about the new song Mariah Carey sings "Bye Bye" well this person heard it and said it's not what you made it out to be. I told him it's a song that someone would appreciate after losing someone so recent. I told him it makes me think of my dad. His response was a year ago ain't that recent. I just wanted to scream at him. Evidently he hasn't lost anyone in his life. You just can't put a time on something like that. Some people can be so cruel it makes me sick. And to top it all off my only grandmother I have left is also going to probablly pass soon. She stopped breathing on monday and they were able to bring her back this time. Life is just so unfair. I just wish all the pain and death would stop.
Many hugs and kisses,
Renee
I too know how you feel. I lost my father a year ago to suicide. It's rough I still cry a lot. I was telling someone at work about the new song Mariah Carey sings "Bye Bye" well this person heard it and said it's not what you made it out to be. I told him it's a song that someone would appreciate after losing someone so recent. I told him it makes me think of my dad. His response was a year ago ain't that recent. I just wanted to scream at him. Evidently he hasn't lost anyone in his life. You just can't put a time on something like that. Some people can be so cruel it makes me sick. And to top it all off my only grandmother I have left is also going to probablly pass soon. She stopped breathing on monday and they were able to bring her back this time. Life is just so unfair. I just wish all the pain and death would stop.
Many hugs and kisses,
Renee
11
Main / Re: one year loss of dad
« on: May 12, 2008, 05:06:42 AM »
Thanks so much for your replys. I'm doing a little better. I made it through the one year mark it was hard I shed a lot of tears. I loved the idea of the picture I'll definately use it. I'm also going to check into finding a group for suicide survivors I thought I could deal with it on my own but I'm starting to think maybe I do need some help. I do need some help with my daughter if anyone can help me. Should I tell my daughter the truth about how her pappap died and at what age should I tell her? I'm so confused about that!! Please give me some advice if anyone has it.
Thanks,
Renee
Thanks,
Renee
12
Main / Re: Today would have been my Mom's 60th Birthday!
« on: May 12, 2008, 04:56:51 AM »
God bless you. You pinned it exactly when I read your entry it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't lose my mother but I lost my father a year ago. This has been the roughest year of my life. I celebrated my dads birthday by releasing ballons. You never realize how much the little things really meant to you until there gone. Going through my daughters halloween candy made me cry because my dad loved candy and halloween was his favorite holiday. It's crazy how you remember the little things and how much they actually filled your heart with joy but now they bring sorrow and pain. I was always a daddys girl. A piece of me is gone also. I know how you feel. Hang in there.
Lots of love,
Renee
Lots of love,
Renee
13
Main / Re: Miss having my parents!!
« on: May 06, 2008, 06:17:34 AM »
Kimiisme,
I know how you feel today is the one year mark for me. My father comitted suicide last year. Today is especially hard. I feel so numb. I still feel him here. I have his ring that he always wore it was on his finger the day he shot himself it was almost two weeks before we finally got it from the coroner. They never called us to tell us that there were any posessions on him. I thought one of the guys on the scene stole the ring. When I got the ring back I started crying. I still wear it now a year later the only time I take it off is at work and that is only because I'm afraid I might lose it. It makes me feel like he's with me. If I take it off I feel empty. It was a part of him. In time you may take your mom off your friends but then again you might not and thats ok. By taking her off your list that may be when you've come to terms with your lose but don't rush it. It takes time for the pain to go away I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. If you ever need to talk I'm here I know how you feel and what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take care and be as strong as you can be.
Renee
I know how you feel today is the one year mark for me. My father comitted suicide last year. Today is especially hard. I feel so numb. I still feel him here. I have his ring that he always wore it was on his finger the day he shot himself it was almost two weeks before we finally got it from the coroner. They never called us to tell us that there were any posessions on him. I thought one of the guys on the scene stole the ring. When I got the ring back I started crying. I still wear it now a year later the only time I take it off is at work and that is only because I'm afraid I might lose it. It makes me feel like he's with me. If I take it off I feel empty. It was a part of him. In time you may take your mom off your friends but then again you might not and thats ok. By taking her off your list that may be when you've come to terms with your lose but don't rush it. It takes time for the pain to go away I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. If you ever need to talk I'm here I know how you feel and what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take care and be as strong as you can be.
Renee
14
Main / Re: Mother's death
« on: May 04, 2008, 07:44:08 AM »
Kris,
Sorry to hear of your mothers passing. You are in the first stage of grieving being mad. I lost my father to suicide almost a yr. ago this coming tuesday will be one yr. This is a rough month for me it happen four days before my moms birthday and two weeks before my daughters bday. I think losing a parent is the worst thing possible as I've lost most of my grandparents before but losing my dad hurt so much more. This first yr. just flew by its still hard to deal with but I can assure you it was a lot worse the first few months. The anger you feel will go away in time and you will learn to accept that your mom is no longer suffering and that she is still hear with you in your heart your soul and your memories. Don't let that go. God bless you and your family stay strong and don't be afraid to cry get mad yell do what you need to do to get better.
Many hugs your way,
Renee
Sorry to hear of your mothers passing. You are in the first stage of grieving being mad. I lost my father to suicide almost a yr. ago this coming tuesday will be one yr. This is a rough month for me it happen four days before my moms birthday and two weeks before my daughters bday. I think losing a parent is the worst thing possible as I've lost most of my grandparents before but losing my dad hurt so much more. This first yr. just flew by its still hard to deal with but I can assure you it was a lot worse the first few months. The anger you feel will go away in time and you will learn to accept that your mom is no longer suffering and that she is still hear with you in your heart your soul and your memories. Don't let that go. God bless you and your family stay strong and don't be afraid to cry get mad yell do what you need to do to get better.
Many hugs your way,
Renee
15
Main / Re: Vote for my poem! ... It's about missing my Dad (poem inserted in post)
« on: April 30, 2008, 08:45:35 PM »
Kim,
This is a wonderful poem it brought tears to my eyes. It is exactly how I feel about my dad.
Renee
This is a wonderful poem it brought tears to my eyes. It is exactly how I feel about my dad.
Renee